Heart of Hearts
by Mai Kurosaki
Summary: After he defeats Aizen, Ichigo disappears. Suddenly, it is Byakuya's duty to find him. But once he finds Ichigo, he needs to realize what his true feelings are, or he won't be able to really save Ichigo. Especially when things are much more complicated.
1. Disappearance

**Disclaimer**: Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_. I own nothing and this is definitely for entertainment purposes only.

_A/N: This story was born out of a discussion that I had some time ago with __**Nemesia23**__ (I dedicate this story to her); in spite of not resembling the original idea, it will still be close enough. I should also add that in spite of so much discussion about dying and everything, this is most definitely __not __a deathfic_.

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><p><span>One<span>

**Disappearance**

"Kurosaki Ichigo, you have lost." Aizen looked at him with perfect contempt on his face. His hideous cruel face, almost unrecognizable, twisted in ugliness with deformed eyes and expressionless face. He had transformed into something so nauseating and disgusting that Ichigo kneeled. However, as he was in front of the former captain, he couldn't help himself but feel sorry for him. "Observe. My zanpaktou is fading which means that Hogyoku considers that I can be even more powerful without my zanpaktou."

The young man looked at Aizen and then stared back at his hands, a picture of helplessness.

Aizen took another step towards him, watching carefully each expression that Ichigo makes, hungrily seeking for something although he wasn't sure exactly what. The young man in front of him was so different from the one back then, on that hill, where they had first met, when Aizen almost excitedly tasted that uncanny and so powerful reiatsu.

"Your power is fading." Aizen said with a tinge of regret and Ichigo's warm brown eyes, deep like a glass of wine, looked back at him expressionless. "I have defeated you again."

"Did you truly?" The young man finally opened his mouth and got up even as his hair was returning to its original orange color.

_Bright as the sun_. Suddenly Aizen thought and shook his head a little. What a strange insidious thought.

"You doubt of my victory?" His voice shook with anger. "Stubborn little child. Even as you are left defeated and weak in front of me, you still deny my power, you still deny my superiority?"

"I know you too well." Ichigo replied shaking his head slightly. The tattoos left on his torso by his own zanpaktou seemed carved in the very bones, a life of their own. "Actually I think you're dying just like me." The young man noticed hardheartedly, as if his own life meant nothing. Just a whisper in time.

"You dare to assume we are equals? You dare to assume you know me?" Aizen felt the same old anger pulling at the strings of his very own skin growing taut with tension.

"I am a monster." Ichigo stated cruelly, his matured face snarling at him. "You are a monster. I believe I can tell the truth in your heart just as you can tell mine."

Aizen tilted his head, feeling his zanpaktou fading away completely at last. His distorted eyes scanned hungrily each piece of Ichigo's body, measuring it, savagely analyzing it. Those bizarre tattoos were still carved in the body wrecked now with a tremble. What is left of his uniform was hanging low on his hips, lithe body in view, wounds proudly displayed in the sun that now dared to show itself from the coverage of the clouds.

"You're dying too." Aizen said suddenly, unable to control the pang of regret that he felt just as he mumbled those words.

"See? I told you that we monsters understand perfectly each other."

"You knew this would happen when you merged with your zanpaktou." Aizen continued ignoring the orange haired shinigami. "When you finally got to handle this ultimate Bankai, you knew this would happen. And yet you chose to do this? Why? What would possess you to do this?"

"Hunger for power." Ichigo gazed up at the sky with the same twisted sadness spilling from his every pore. "Hungry for power in order to protect people I love. In order to save those who were unable to stop this. In order not to disappoint." Those deep eyes looked back at him again. "Isn't it ironic that we will die at the same time in the same place but with different purposes?"

"Don't compare me with the likes of you!" Aizen lashed out which strangely it made Ichigo look even sadder. "We could have ruled the world together! Why do you think I kept you alive for so long? Why do you think I left Ulquiora to stay back and fight with you?"

"Ah, yes, Ulquiora." The name resonated with Ichigo's heart, but for all that he held dear, he wouldn't say a thing about it. "You have done all that to create another monster just like you." Ichigo inhaled deeply. "But now I return the favor." Suddenly he held up the hand as if reaching for Aizen and yet his hand and body didn't move. Essentially Ichigo looked as if he was asking Aizen to give him back something. Almost instantly, an inconceivable pain hit Aizen so strongly that he doubled over, his vision swimming in a sea of ultimate pain and hurt.

"What are you doing to me?" He managed to mutter even as he crashed on the ground, unable to control his body anymore. Ichigo seemed unfazed by the whole ordeal, his hand still reaching out.

"I am taking back what should have never been yours." Instantly Aizen doubled again and cringed as out of his body, with disregard to everything he truly and ultimately desired, Hogyoku left his body and settled in Ichigo's hand.

"No! No!" Aizen raged even as the little power left spread around the wrecked place. "Give it back to me! It's mine! I have sacrificed so much for it."

"What does Hyogaku ultimately do Aizen?" Ichigo asked finally letting his hand fall next to his body but grasping tightly that piece of significant stone.

"Stop with the stupid questions! Just give me back the Hogyoku!"

"What does it do?" Ichigo roared and for the first time since they ended up here, he looked like he was losing the little control that he had over his reiatsu.

"It reads people's hearts." Aizen answered dejectedly, groaning in pain. "It fulfills the deepest desires."

"Which was your desire?"

"To rule the world and destroy what is called the King of Soul Society."

"And yet you stand defeated in front of me. What does it say to you?"

"I am not defeated." He cringed in pain again. "I will show you what-"

"Stop it!" Ichigo yelled anger seeping through his little reiatsu left. "Just fucking stop, you moron. You just answered your own questions. And you are defeated. Just like me. We are both defeated. There's no victor here."

"No." Aizen looked shell-shocked and again the young man's eyes filled with the same pain that now was crossing Aizen's body searing everything in its way. "No, no, no! It can't be!"

"Sorry." Those cinnamon eyes filled with regret looked at him as if he truly meant it. "I am truly sorry that whatever you truthfully wished didn't happen."

"Don't need your pity." He growled back and suddenly looked behind Ichigo. "Isn't this sweet? The cavalry finally arrived. Just like always. They let you take blow after blow for them and only then they come back for you." His eyes fixed on Ichigo with a sudden intensity. "They will betray you and discard you."

"I wouldn't talk if I were you." The gravelly voice sent shivers down the young man's body and Aizen's eyes widened in disbelief. This man, this piece of astounding art of reiatsu and innocence was in love all this time.

"What do you think the Hogyoku wanted for me? Which was my true desire?" Aizen was panting hard as he was trying to gather strength in order to get up. He wouldn't go down kneeling like a worm in front of those people. In front of Ichigo maybe, for he was the ultimate victor, but never, in front of those insignificant little blips on the map of destiny.

"To find an opponent powerful enough to oppose you." Ichigo almost smiled at him. "You wanted to find me, Aizen Sousuke. This was your true desire."

Aizen's brown eyes widened completely.

"You." He whispered and unlike any gesture before, he took a step and then another towards Ichigo until he reached him. He knew he was about to fade away, but there was suddenly a new light inside of him. He was the one to reach this time for Ichigo, slowly caressing his cheek. "You." He repeated again, and Ichigo nodded sadly. Aizen would want to ask him something else, he knew it was an important question and he knew that the boy would answer honestly, because Ichigo Kurosaki would never lie. However, his brain was already mangled and twisted and confused and just as he was about to ask the question, he finally disappeared, instead of him just a simple silvery cross with pointed bars.

"Me." Ichigo whispered and then slowly turned to the people that just arrived. He gripped the Hogyoku stronger, feeling that he didn't have much time.

Four people. Rukia, whose kind eyes were filled with unshed tears. Renji whose eyes were scanning each tattoo on Ichigo's body as if he didn't believe that this was his friend. Urahara-san, whose eyes were filled with guilt and remorse but somehow starring a little hungrily at the Hogyoku, and him.

"Byakuya." Ichigo whispered and the older man took a step towards him, for the first time, letting his emotions open softly on his face. "Byakuya, I think I'm dying."

"You are not going to die, Kurosaki Ichigo. You have bravely fought against the most powerful opponent and you have defeated him." Byakuya's eyes darkened with an unnamed emotion. "You are far too stubborn to die."

Ichigo smiled sadly this time and grasped tightly the Hogyoku.

"I wish I had said it before, I wish I had said it when we could be alone and not embarrass myself or you like this. But there won't be another occasion for this, Byakuya."

"What is it, Ichigo?"

The young man closed his eyes for a brief moment, savoring the sound of his name on Byakuya's lips. He suddenly opened them as another wave of pain hit him.

"I love you." He said fiercely, making the older man almost recoil in shock. His friends gasped in surprise, uneasiness floating in the dusty air between them. "I have loved you for a very long time. You are an unbelievable man and an inspirational leader and I wished I could have known better the real you. However, now it's too late." Ichigo's hands started to shake violently and he smiled despondently at Byakuya who was stunned into silence. He turned to Rukia, gentleness mixing with regret. "Thank you for always being there for me. For being an incredible friend."

"Ichigo, please, we can-" Rukia's voice drowned in tears shaking under the violence of the sobs.

"Take care of her." Ichigo ignored her tears, looking at Renji. "And maybe finally act on your goddamn feelings, pineapple head."

"Look who's talking, strawberry." Renji put his hand on Rukia's shoulders almost hugging her. "You could fight against this, you know?"

"Yeah, but I am too damn drained to fight." Ichigo looked at Urahara and the passion in the young man's eyes embarrassed the old shinigami, a faint blush covering his cheeks. "I am taking this with me. Tell dad that I will miss his antics and tell him also to take care of Yuzu and Karin."

Urahara only nodded because sometimes words were nothing compared to the suffering that occurred. And there was so much suffering tainting the whole place that each and every one of them could feel it.

A sense of calmness wrapped around Ichigo's body, his tattoos pulsing with life and reiatsu. He sighed again.

This was the last time.

"Wait!" Byakuya said unexpectedly. He could feel everybody's eyes on him but he cared only for those cinnamon eyes looking achingly alive even in his final moments. "Wait, just you can't spring something like that on me and not let me reply in turn."

"But I know what you will say." Ichigo grinned like his old self.

"What will I say?" Byakuya asked and his voice shook with the unshared emotions.

"That I am incredibly awesome and you loved m-" Ichigo's cheeky tone was still floating around them, but his body wasn't there anymore. Nothing was left of him. Aizen's cross was still there glittering cruelly in the sun, but no trace of Ichigo.

Byakuya felt his heart breaking a second time.


	2. Anger

**Disclaimer**: Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_. I own nothing. This is for entertainment purposes only.

Two

**Anger**

"Where the hell is my son?" Isshin Kurosaki roared feeling helplessness tightening in his heart, clinging to his very bones. The faces of the people around him promised nothing good though.

"Isshin-"

"Don't fucking Isshin me, Urahara! You told me that you would come and make sure that he is all right. So where is he? Where is my son?" The people around him didn't look him the eyes, too caught up by their own shame and Isshin felt almost to the deepest corners of his soul that his son wasn't among them anymore and yet refused to accept the answer.

"He's gone." Suddenly Rukia whispered as if only then she was starting to realize what has happened before her eyes.

"What do you mean _gone_?" Isshin took a deep breath because no, it wasn't fair. He had tried to protect so much his son, his family along his life and failed time after time. And now this. Now he had to face the fact that he might have sent to death his own son.

"One minute he was there," Rukia said, her voice almost painful to hear, a huge lump suffocating her, while her tears were falling freely on her cheeks, "and the next he was gone. He disappeared. Ichigo," her eyes widened as if she has just realized what had happened, "Ichigo is _gone_." And abruptly a primal scream left her lips, leaving her sobbing in Renji's arms who seemed just as devastated as she was.

"It can't be." Isshin whispered completely broken. "My beautiful son. It can't be." Isshin looked at Byakuya who was like a statue still staring at the place where Ichigo had been. "Is it true?" He asked in a unsteady voice and the captain looked at him completely wrecked.

"Yes."

Isshin took a second look at the man and in spite of the fact that there was a stoic expression on his face, his hands were trembling slightly and his eyes were still widened as if a big discovery had just taken place in front of him and then ripped away. Isshin felt his heart constrict even more, because the entire composure of Kuchiki Byakuya meant only one thing.

"He told you." Isshin muttered distraught. Byakuya's eyes snapped at him.

"You knew how he felt for me."

"Yes."

"Why didn't you stop him?" Byakuya's reiatsu suddenly spiked. "How can a father do such a thing? Why didn't you tell him how I am? You know only too well."

"Since when can you command to a loving heart?" Isshin replied, feeling close to tears. He looked back at Urahara ignoring the unexpected pain on Kuchiki's face. "You told me that it won't happen. You told me that this was the best way."

"I am really sorry, old friend." And for once Urahara Kisuke seemed actually honest. "I really didn't think this would happen. He told me-" He stopped a little taking a deep breath. "You should take care of Yuzu and Karin."

"Still thinking about the others." Anger was spiking gradually his blood, running black with rage. Soul Society has taken everything from him: what was his life before coming to earth, Masaki, his son's every day life and now even his life. He glanced at the silvery cross where Aizen's soul had been trapped and more rage crawled within him.

"My son can't be gone." He denied it almost instantly. "He is a strong young man and just because he disappeared, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's gone. So Urahara, you start researching everything again and tell me how to bring back my son."

"Isshin, I really think-"

"If you say another word that hasn't any connection to how to bring back my son, so help me God, I will fucking stab you in the heart!" Isshin snarled at him and Urahara actually took a step back. "This is your own fucking fault, Urahara. Don't think I forgot about it. But right now, I couldn't care less about whatever it's going on in that head of yours. You know very well how much power I can still hold and if you don't lift a finger to find my son, I will end you in any way I can."

"I will start immediately." Urahara spoke softly his voice tainted with guilt and it made Isshin sick to his stomach, because in the end it still didn't solve anything. He still had to go to his daughters and tell them that their older brother was missing, presumably dead. How was he going to do that? He was sure that while Yuzu was going to cry, Karin was going to have his head on a silver platter and she wasn't going to ever forgive him for this. He had his son's blood on his hands for turning a blind eye on his deeds as a shinigami, for not stopping him, for not telling the truth before.

"Stop crying." He snapped at Rukia who startled. "Stop crying as if he is already dead."

"But-"

"Nothing. My son isn't dead and you lot will find him because he has just saved all your sorry asses." He looked around at all those shinigamis, captains and lieutenants alike. "My son shed his blood for your so you'll look everywhere for him. He deserves this. He _earned_ this."

Isshin disappeared in an instant, his words echoing in the mind of those present there.

For once, the supreme commander didn't have any wisdom words for them, for what could be said about the boy that came and swept away Soul Society, saving them all from a horrible fate? He kept a moment of silence interrupted only by Rukia's sobs who continued to cry. He started by organizing the men and moving back to Soul Society. Everything had to be done as quickly as possible for Ichigo's finding was to become to the most important mission Soul Society had.

Byakuya was moving in a kind of a blur. Like a robot unable to prevent himself from still thinking of Ichigo.

_Kurosaki Ichigo, how many times do I have to tell you that this is not your place? You should get back home right this instant._

How many times has he said it? Frequently he had been plainly mean to the boy and yet he had taken it all in strides. He hurt a boy so innocent and yet so mature for his age. He has killed that innocence repeatedly, and yet that boy felt nothing but love for him. Now he knew what that soft look meant, what it held.

Anger chewed at Byakuya's soul. Ichigo hadn't been fair when he sprang something like that and then just disappear leaving him with all these baffling feelings and unable to understand what has just happened.

He ignored Renji's looks and Rukia's questions. He organized the entire division very efficiently and kept everyone at work and yet more than once he had snapped at the people that were serving under him or at his fellow captains, his legendary arctic demeanor melting away in front of wave after wave of fury.

He stopped filling the reports, looking out on the window. How was it that the sun continued to shine so brightly when such a tragic battled had just occurred? It has been a week since Aizen has been imprisoned and sent to prison for an eternity. It has been a week since in that devastated area, Ichigo has said goodbye so graciously. It has been a week since Ichigo had told him that he loved him.

_You are an unbelievable man and an inspirational leader and I wished I could have known better the real you._

The desk exploded almost instantly in thousands of tiny shards and yet none touched Byakuya. Anger ran wild in his vein, all that ice, and walls around his heart crumbling, melting, being distorted in a sea of pure anger.

Renji barged into his office wildly searching for an enemy and his eyes widened ridiculously as he saw the debris in his captain's office.

"Renji, if you know what's best for you or for the men, you get out right now and don't let any one get it. That's an order." Byakuya growled and instantly his lieutenant complied without another word.

He knew that this wasn't going to settle anything but that Substitute Shinigami, that boy… _that man_ has managed to break everything inside of him in just a few brief sentences. Now Byakuya was left with this. And why was he affected so much?

There was no air in the stifling atmosphere of the room, every wall enclosing around him, keeping him in that cage of mystifying feelings.

He flash-stepped at home ignoring the bewildered faces of his servants and going straight for Hisana's altar, where her picture rested among the other ancestors of the Kuchiki clan. He looked at her picture as if he was watching a stranger. He had loved her because she was the first person to respond with honesty to his feelings and although she had admitted that she had never loved him, she said that she had cared for him. In addition, the rest of her life had proved that to him.

However, that boy had received nothing in return. And he lost him too.

"I refuse to believe it." Byakuya said unable to control his emotions, which were threatening to overwhelm him. "I refuse to believe that he is gone. It can't be. There should have been something left of him, a sign maybe." That orange hair had glowed in the sickly sun so vibrantly, those cinnamon eyes had glittered with such soft amusement before they were gone that Byakuya couldn't believe that such a full of life person like Kurosaki Ichigo could have died that easily.

_Control it or it will end up controlling you_, his grandfather had said, stifling Byakuya's impulsive nature. _Duty and honor. This is the Kuchiki clan's code, by which you will abide. Impulsiveness and recklessness are not part of it. You will master it and control it until your very bones will be carved and molded into respecting our code_.

"No more control!" He snapped under Hisana's unmoving eyes.

He now knew what he was supposed to do. Looking back, it should have been his decision from the very beginning. Kurosaki Ichigo wasn't dead. Such a huge amount of spiritual energy couldn't have disappeared from the world so easily. The Visoreds were the prefect example. Something else must have occurred and he was going to find out what. So, when he was going to find where Kurosaki was, he was going to give him the fight of his damn life. Nobody left Kuchiki Byakuya doubting him.

When the supreme commander received him in his offices, it was already late afternoon. The grand hall was empty except for the supreme commander and the huge balcony windows let in the sun that was slowly beginning the fade.

_Like him._

Byakuya shook his head. No, Ichigo didn't fade. It was impossible.

"What can I do for you, captain Kuchiki?"

"I want to speak with Aizen Sousuke."

"Why would you ask for such a thing?"

"Because I believe that he is the only one that might have a clue of what has happened to Kurosaki Ichigo."

"You want to find the young Substitute Shinigami?" The older voice didn't betray anything and yet Byakuya couldn't help feeling rather suspicious about the entire calm attitude of his supreme commander. "What do you hope to accomplish by finding him?"

"I believe that it is imperative that we find him. His father had been right: his son has sacrificed so much for the good of Soul Society. I believe we owe him at least that. It is the honorable thing to do."

The wise eyes scrutinized him, as if looking in Byakuya's deepest corners. And when he spoke, it surprised Byakuya even more.

"I believe I need to hear the truth, captain Kuchiki. For once, let us not hide behind fancy words. I am sick and tired of them and frankly I am too damn old to care about this any longer."

"I am afraid I don't understand, sir."

"I need to tell me the truth why you want to seek that boy."

"I think I have already-"

"_Why_, captain Kuchiki?" The Supreme Commander asked more forcefully and Byakuya grinded his teeth. He couldn't take back control on that anger now that it had pierced his soul.

"Because I want to know if what he told me before he disappeared was true."

There was that oppressive silence again, clinging around, and he was burning rapidly. There was no time.

"Very well then. I shall accompany you. Unfortunately the new members of Chamber 46 are much more cautious than their predecessors when it comes to such affairs." The Supreme Commander made a sign to be followed and Byakuya did so without any hesitation. "As such, I am one of the few people that can go to visit Aizen and unfortunately I will have to stay with you while you discuss with him." Suddenly the old man stopped and Byakuya felt that anger flaring up again. Why everyone was wasting so much time? "Byakuya, make sure those moments count. I don't know if I can get you another meeting, even if it is about finding out Kurosaki Ichigo's whereabouts."

Byakuya only nodded. There were just too many emotions choking him at the moment. But later, when he would find Ichigo, he didn't know if he would be able to control them. However, that was another story entirely. For now thinking about what he was going to say to Aizen was enough.


	3. Inquiry

**Disclaimer:** If I owned _Bleach_, these two would have ended up together a long time ago. Unfortunately, they aren't mine and Kubo Tite is the rightful owner.

Three

**Inquiry**

Byakuya looked at the impressive black building standing at the outskirts of Soul Society, deep within its bowls, making him swallow hard. So this was the famous prison for the most evil products of Soul Society. The smooth glass-like walls with no windows weren't very high, but there was something wildly evil in the presence of that building if such thing would be possible. Those impossible walls with their dark color seemed to reject any hope or any shred of optimism.

However, the bad feeling hasn't left him for a while now. He didn't talk to his supreme commander for the entire way here and he was feeling brittle, ready to break around the edges. Moreover, those black walls didn't help much.

_Dark as Ichigo's zanpaktou in Bankai._

He shook his head instantly. This was not the time to start thinking about the complete and utter failure of what he had become ever since the young man disappeared, nor was the moment to think about him at all. Those chocolate warm eyes would have to disappear from his mind and soul for now, if he wanted to speak with Aizen and find out something even remotely useful in his search.

"You don't speak unless you are addressed, captain Kuchiki," Yamamoto-san broke the silence at last and his voice was particularly emotionless. "This is a place where rank and nobility don't matter at all. As such, you will do as I say without any hesitation and if I think that Aizen has managed to rile you up even a little bit, I will drag you out of there myself." Another moment of silence. "Have I made myself understood?"

"Yes, supreme commander."

Nobody said anything as he entered the building, but Byakuya felt the raw need to spike his reiatsu, to make these people know whom they were dealing with. Not that it mattered. Black Rock had been for a very long time now the prison for the most dangerous prisoners in the history of Soul Society. Kept mostly in a sealed shape, they were nonetheless among the most powerful shinigamis, and Byakuya wondered if each one of them had needed to be captured with such sacrifice like in Aizen's case.

When they reached an impressively wide hall, the guards made them stop in front of a high wooden desk. Behind it, there was an old man with an incredible long beard, black beads hidden among the fine hairs. His robe was black, almost awe inspiring, and his dark eyes fixed upon both Byakuya and Yamamoto-san with a frown.

"Yamamoto-san," the man finally said in a grave tone, "you never bring good news when you come here. What is the purpose of your visit this time?"

"We were granted permission to visit Aizen Sousuke."

"Oh?"

"We are investigating the disappearance of Kurosaki Ichigo and we believe that the traitor might have some answers for us." The supreme commander spoke and upon hearing Ichigo's name, the prisoner keeper's face softened a little bit.

"Kurosaki Ichigo… I thought he was dead."

Byakuya fisted his hands in a poor attempt to calm himself because he knew that if he lashed out here, it would be the end of it. However, nobody should speak so easily about Ichigo's death.

"We believe that he might be missing." Yamamoto tensed as if he too felt the same way.

"It is the terrible fate of heroes to sacrifice so much for their greater purpose." The prisoner keeper said in a much softer tone, which sounded eerie in the gloomy room. "Anyways, Chamber 46 informed me of your visit. They said that the visit should last only half an hour," seeing the shocked faces, the keeper smiled mischievously, "but since I believe that Kurosaki Ichigo saved their sorry asses from being eternal slaves, I say take as much time as you want with Aizen."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Just try to make the best of it. There won't be a second visit, that's for sure." The keeper turned to one of the guards and said: "Bring prisoner number 34879 in the Seal Room and take these gentlemen to him."

The guard didn't say anything. He simply nodded and made them follow him, the keeper already ignoring their presence without so much a glance in their direction.

Byakuya felt his nerves fray with each step taken on the long sinister corridors. It was as if life has been sucked right out of these walls and he could barely sense the spiritual particles, which helped building this stony establishment. But other than that, there was nothing. There was no reiatsu to feel or to analyze; there was no hint of life. It was as if the prisoners have been buried alive and to some extent, it was more than true. However, his honor as a Kuchiki heir prohibited him to think how many of these prisoners were actually guilty for what they had done. Somehow, Byakuya had lost his faith in the Chamber's judgments a long time ago.

The guard stopped in front of a black door with strange signs on it, the kind that Byakuya has never seen before. He looked inquiringly at his commander but the old man shook his head. There was no time for explanations. It opened with a screeching sound, as if it hadn't been opened in a long time and it almost horrified Byakuya to know that perhaps these people trapped here were going to lose themselves forever in this building. Staying in a sigil form was preserving their life, but did little good to their sanity.

The room wasn't big, its murky walls painted with the same strange signs as on the door. In the middle of it, there was a stool, on which sat Aizen Sousuke bound in a shroud of a silvery matter. It tightened around his body, and three long spikes were coming out of it in the back. His hair had grown a little longer and shadowed his eyes, yet as soon as the door closed behind them, leaving them alone, those eyes pierced Byakuya with sudden intensity.

"I knew you would come." Aizen said his voice raspy from disuse. It hadn't been that long since he was imprisoned here and yet it already showed the decaying effect on the soul. Byakuya almost recoiled upon seeing it.

"You knew?"

"Yes." He looked around and upon seeing the supreme commander in a corner of the room, his eyes narrowed in distaste. He focused on Kuchiki again. "Why didn't you bring him instead of the old man?"

"Him?"

"Ichigo." Aizen whispered the name so reverently that Byakuya flinched. Nobody has ever said that name with such gentleness and it annoyed him that it has been particularly this man, who did it. "How is he?" Aizen finally asked and this time Byakuya felt the same helplessness shrouding itself around him.

"We don't know."

"What?"

"Most of Soul Society believes he is dead."

"Wow, and here I thought that you vermin can't be more stupid than that." Aizen snarled at Byakuya.

"There is no time for your insults, Aizen." Byakuya spoke in his flat tone, no emotion peering out of it and it startled the prisoner. "I have come here to ask you if you know where Kurosaki Ichigo might be." Aizen's eyes narrowed even more, his evil sneer playing on his chapped lips.

"Oh? Isn't this sweet?" Aizen smirked knowingly. "I gather that up to this point nobody has a clue about anything. And to think that I was trying to set you all free if you survived the war."

"Freedom is such a loose concept when it comes to you."

"Well, mighty Kuchiki Byakuya capable of irony. The wonders never cease to end." Aizen's evil smile disappeared instantly. "Tell me what makes you so superior to others? Why does he have such a high regard of you?"

"He? Ichigo?" Byakuya's voice broke a little but Aizen didn't seem to notice, too busy to drown in his hatred.

"Of course Ichigo. Why Ichigo thinks so highly of you is beyond me… having feelings for you… What a stupid boy!"

"Don't call him that."

"Or what? What could you possibly do to me that hasn't been done already?" Aizen's eyes pierced within his very soul. "I will talk to you however I want. Now tell me what you meant when you said that Ichigo has disappeared."

"After you have been trapped in your sigil form, he said goodbye and then just vanished. There's no other way to put it."

"Did he still have the Hogyoku with him?"

"Yes, he said that he wouldn't give it to Urahara again."

"Smart boy." Aizen's lips twitched into an almost smile. "That is why most of you thought that he was dead."

"Yes."

"And yet not you."

"Since you are still alive and well, even in your sigil form, I believe that Kurosaki might be as well. After all, his incredible reiatsu might have prevented him from falling prey to death. But his whereabouts are unknown and since you are the only other person who has used Hogyoku or took a glimpse of its power, I want to know if you can tell me anything about where he might be."

"I will tell you what I know with one condition."

"I can't set you free from here." Byakuya replied almost instantly and Aizen's shallow laughter echoed horribly against the marked walls.

"Don't be foolish, Kuchiki, I would never ask such a thing. I just want you to bring him back to me when you find him."

"So he is alive." That anger that has suffocated him until this point loosened a little bit.

"Yes. Now swear that when you find him, you will bring him to me."

"What if he doesn't want to see you?"

"But he will." Byakuya hated Aizen's confidence "Now swear."

"I swear."

Aizen's brown eyes stared at Byakuya as if analyzing the truth behind his words.

_So different from Ichigo. _

Finally, the prisoner spoke in an eerily calm voice:

"What you have to understand about Ichigo is that he believes that he is a monster and that his place isn't supposed to be among you."

"What kind of nonsense are you going to tell me?"

"Shut up and listen, Kuchiki." Aizen snapped at him. "Don't think that I don't know why you are _really_ doing this, but I will disregard your reasons as long as you pay attention at what I am saying. What Ichigo and I shared in that battle goes beyond your petty comprehension and I truly lack the desire to explain it to you. But rest assured it is the truth: Ichigo thinks that he is a monster and that he doesn't belong anywhere anymore."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You only took a glimpse from what he had gone through in order to achieve ultimate Bankai. Tell me, Kuchiki, what is Ichigo's true nature? In which category does he fall?"

"None. Ichigo is unique in his own way."

"Precisely. Ichigo is not a shinigami _per se_ but not a hallow either, and definitely has more power than those pitiful Visoreds. Now you tell me that when he disappeared, he was still holding the Hogyoku. Do you know what its powers are?"

"Yes."

"Then you know that it can see through people's darkest corners, through their veils thrown over their hearts. Most likely Hogyoku took a glimpse into Ichigo's heart and granted his wish."

"And his wish was to disappear?"

"When we crossed swords, we were able to feel each other's swords. Do you know what I felt in Ichigo's? A deep solitude and an even deeper desire to disappear."

"You're lying." Byakuya sputtered unable to control himself anymore.

"Why would I?" Aizen mocked him. "In case you haven't noticed, there is little interest for me in lying. Believe me or not, it is your choice. However, if you want to find Ichigo, you will have to find another way then your classical methods. But let me assure you: Ichigo doesn't want to be found."

"What?" Byakuya's nails dug deep within his palms, blood slowly tainting the soil of the room.

"Hogyoku saved Ichigo and, combined with his impossible reiatsu, it also listened to his heart." Aizen smirked at Byakuya. "In spite of his feelings for you, he rather wished he disappeared than faced you. Doesn't that say a lot about you, Kuchiki?"

Byakuya whitened, feeling his scarf enclosing around his neck. Those feelings… He hadn't asked for those feelings but now he wasn't able to sleep because of them. Even thinking clearly had proven too much for him. However, deep down inside of him, something told Byakuya that he was the only who could find Ichigo and bring him back.

"That is enough, Aizen." Yamamoto's gruff voice intervened making both men look startled at him. They had forgotten his presence completely. "Tell us if we can find Kurosaki."

Aizen looked back at Byakuya, trying to read into his very soul, but he had had enough. However, the prisoner seemed to like what he saw because he added after a while:

"While it is true that Hogyoku is really powerful, it will never be able to create new worlds. So this means that Ichigo is somewhere out there, no matter how ridiculous this might sound."

"That is not very helpful." Byakuya replied, gaining a little sense of himself.

"It is the best I can do. One more thing: Ichigo is still in his shinigami form, which would normally allow you to find him through his reiatsu. I believe that if you try hard enough and use someone with a true link to Ichigo then you might have at least a clue to where he is."

"Could it be that easy?"

"I don't see you come up with better solutions." Aizen rolled his eyes. "Do your best, Kuchiki, and use your damn power and Kido for it. I want to see him one more time." His voice sounded really wistful. "Just one more time."

"I can't guarantee that they will let us see you again."

"But you will keep your word, Kuchiki. I know you will." Aizen remained pensive and Byakuya thought that maybe it was time for them to leave when he suddenly added. "Ask Urahara for help. Once he created a stone that was capable of reading the power of reiatsu. Combined with Kido, it might turn the perfect tool for your endeavor."

"You seem to know so much about the man's creations."

"Just because you people turned a blind eye to his genius, that didn't mean that I had to do the same." Aizen stared at him. "You just find him and stop this nonsense of him being dead. And bring him to see me."

"It might take a while."

"Yes, you Kuchikis have always been known that you are prone more to thinking than acting. Nevertheless, do try and find him before Ichigo manages to completely slip into oblivion like he wants to so badly."

Aizen let his head fall again and the conversation was over. Byakuya got out of the room with a little hope flickering in his heart. Aizen was telling the truth. He was certain of it.

"Do you believe him?" Yamamoto-san finally asked him.

"I am going to find Urahara and talk to him." Byakuya answered and that definitely settled the matter. They made their way out of the building and Byakuya felt that it was the first time in days when he could breathe. Now he had something to do. He had a purpose again and he intended to find out the truth.

**oOo**

The sun shone through his orange locks, making them look like a hallo, the light almost surreal in the uncanny landscape. They were longer now and they were a brighter shade of orange if that was even possible. The slight breeze ruffled his hair in a lover-like gesture. It was not as anyone has ever been gentle to him. But the breeze was persistent, swallowing his dark thoughts and twisting them until they disappeared. It gently touched his cheek, caressing his strong jaw, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. It also touched the dark robes covering his body, fluffing them, making him almost smile.

"Stop it," he whispered amused but the breeze was nothing short of stubborn. It trailed his nape, as if kissing it gently, it pressed down his heart as if it was making sure that it could still feel its steady beatings. It slowed down around it, prodding a little bit at the chest, tempted to see if it was as fragile as it was when this orange miracle stepped into this world a few days ago. Or was it more?

_Badum, badum. _

It beat steadily, for that man. The breeze caressed the orange locks again, this time in a soothing manner, reassuringly and the young man smiled this time. The breeze deepened its power a little bit and the young man started to laugh whole-heartedly, forgetting about the hurricane in his heart. Unfortunately, the breeze knew that it couldn't defeat that hurricane. It was too powerful for it, too dark, too troublesome. And it wanted to help so much the young man, because even in all his mighty glory he was still easily broken.

"You're incorrigible." The young man passed his fingers through his soft hair and the breeze caressed those too. If it could, it would kiss each patch of skin, each tormented freckle. It fluffed the hair again and then ran happily around the young man, making him laugh again. The storm was coming but just for now, for an infinitesimal moment in this reality, in this very moment the young man was receiving what he deserved.


	4. Despair

**Disclaimer:** Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_. I own nothing and this is for entertainment purposes only.

Four

**Despair**

"Are you trying to tell us that Ichigo is still alive?" Shinji's gasp of incredulity annoyed Byakuya even more, as he sensed another headache coming along.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Byakuya's annoyance was displayed now, for everybody to see, although the Kuchiki's pride had always stopped him before to show an unbecoming feeling. However, there have been many dents in his pride lately, and another one couldn't hurt more than the rest of them.

The supreme commander had been very vehement about announcing the rest of the Gotei what had been discussed with Aizen. So for the past half an hour, he reluctantly retold what the former enemy of Soul Society had told him about Ichigo in the grand hall, surrounded by captains, lieutenants, Visoreds, Urahara, Yoruichi and Ichigo's father. The latter seemed rather stunned by the happy news, before a silent tear fell on his sudden old cheek.

"Such good news should be repeated as often as possible, if you don't mind me saying." Shinji replied, his voice suspiciously sounding almost broken. The other Visoreds looked just as relieved as the blonde captain did.

"Of course Ichigo couldn't have died that easily." Zaraki roared for the first time in weeks, sounding more like himself. Byakuya couldn't help but look at the huge beast with a certain gratitude in his eyes. It was good to know that idea wasn't as absurd as it was when it resounded in his mind.

"So how are we going to bring him back again?" Renji asked while still keeping an arm around Rukia's thin shoulders, even as the petite shinigami was crying in relief, silently, hiding her face at his chest.

"Aizen mentioned something about a stone which could enhance the ability to read and find reiatsu." Byakuya said blankly again, raising an eyebrow defiantly to Urahara, daring him to deny it. But the older man surprised him when he just hang his head in shame again and said without his usual boastful tone.

"The Moon Rock."

"The Moon Rock?" Ikaku intervened. "What kind of pansy-ass name is that?"

"Silence." The old captain commanded. "There is no time for useless questions. Kurosaki Ichigo must be found as soon as possible. Aizen warned us that there isn't much time. The young shinigami doesn't want to be found."

Byakuya almost flinched when Isshin's gaze turned stonily at him.

"What do you mean he doesn't want to return?"

Byakuya didn't want to open this subject and he avoided it carefully when he recounted the discussion. And now he was opening literarily a can of worms, for there was no easy way to tell a father that his son didn't want to come back home.

"Aizen told us that when he crossed their zanpaktous, they were able to feel each other's. Apparently, Aizen felt that Ichigo considered himself a monster."

"My beautiful son." Isshin whispered brokenly and Byakuya watched in fascination how Urahara reached for Isshin's shoulder, trying to offer him some support but stopped middle way, knowing full well that his gesture wouldn't be welcomed right now.

"But what has this got to do with anything?" Rukia finally asked unable to comprehend the horror of the entire situation.

"Because of this, Ichigo won't want to return to us and he will probably do anything in his powers to stop us from finding him."

"So this Moon Rock will help us?" Yoruichi asked, always the practical one.

"Aizen told us that by using this rock and finding a person with a profound bond to Ichigo, we might be able to find the young shinigami."

"I am sorry for being the pessimistic one in this whole affair, but how are we sure that what Aizen said is true?" Toshiro said in his icy tone making all of them look despondently at one another. "This information comes from the one who has been by default Ichigo's greatest enemy. How can we be sure that what he says is real?"

"Because in return for all this information, he expressively asked us to fulfill one wish and the only way to do so is if Ichigo returns." Byakuya answered, tightening his fists again, barely able to control his emotions. Just thinking about Aizen's words made him sick to his stomach.

"What wish?"

"He wants to see Ichigo when he returns."

The uproar caused by his words became deafening in an instant.

"No, he should be around that man ever again!" Rukia cried at once. "There is no way I will let Ichigo approach that horrible excuse of a soul! Never!"

"That murderer! That traitor! To wish for something like this! The nerve!"

"You promised him that, didn't you?" Isshin asked in a calm voice and all eyes returned on Byakuya. Those eyes were as Ichigo's, pining him on the spot, testing the inhumanity with which he treated everything, challenging him to rise above the stony walls around his heart and break free. He hated Isshin for a moment.

_He has your eyes, you stubborn bastard. He has your eyes and he is not judging me, just like you didn't. _

"I did. It was the only way he would give us the information."

"What? Nii-sama, why would you do that for?" Rukia broke the protocol and for the first time since ever sounded rather rude in talking to her brother. "He broke Ichigo, he betrayed-"

"I know, Rukia." Byakuya snapped back, losing his composure for a second. "That doesn't help us in finding Kurosaki, does it? Enumerating Aizen's faults and question the truth of his words won't bring us closer to Kurosaki. I didn't see any of you doing anything to find him. Except for Kurosaki-san here, all of you have been quite happy in believing that Kurosaki Ichigo has been killed in his fight with Aizen. So instead of questioning the way in which I produced the necessary information, how about all of you stop complaining and come up with solutions?"

_It is all your fault. What a shameful display._

All of them looked at Byakuya as if he has grown another head, no one imagining that the captain of the sixth division might be capable of such outbursts, but before another uproar, Urahara intervened:

"The Moon Rock works as a channel. You can imagine it as a human radio: it takes in all the other spiritual energies and then searches for the one that you are looking for. In order to find the particular energy it is best to be used by a person who has a deep connection with the individual who possesses the particular energy. I have brought it with me when I heard about the meeting."

Urahara took a velvet box and opened it, revealing a deeply blue stone with a golden core within it. The core looked like a fireball and although it wasn't moving, it still hypnotized the other people in the room.

"It is beautiful." Rangiku whispered, voicing probably the thoughts of all those present there.

"And powerful when it needs to be. Now," Urahara continued, "I suggest we give it a try."

"Right now? Shouldn't there be some preparations?"

"No, Yumichika-san. The Moon Rock isn't harmful in any way and it doesn't require for the holder to meditate previous to usage. However, as I mentioned before, the person who holds this should understand that they might feel drained after using it. It demands a serious amount of spiritual energy but since I am among captains and lieutenants, I don't see any point in fearing a worse outcome."

"Then I suggest Kurosaki-san start using it as soon as possible." Yoruichi added.

"Actually I believe that in spite of Isshin sharing a blood connection to Ichigo, it would be recommended that Rukia-san should be the holder of the Moon Rock. Let us remember that Ichigo is still in his spiritual form and as such he is more connected to Rukia who helped him gain his shinigami powers."

"I agree." Isshin smiled gently at Rukia who fearfully took the stone in her small hands. "Please, bring my son back."

"I will try."

"The rest of you, please gather and form a circle around Kuchiki-san."

They all gathered around Rukia who anxiously looked at the stone in her hand. Byakuya felt as if she was holding his entire life in it. He wished for a tiny spec in time that he could forward the time and see Ichigo already in their midst.

"Kuchiki-san, the Moon Rock acts like radio, but enhances your power to see all the other spiritual energies, no matter the distance. Do you know how Ichigo's reiatsu looks like?"

"Yes." She simply responded.

"Then try to find it and follow it."

"I will do so."

Rukia closed her eyes and emptied her head, letting her emotions disappear and clearing thus her mind. Byakuya wished he could do something more than stand there and look at his sister's concentrated face, holding that strange stone close to her chest. It took only a few moments before the fiery ball inside of it suddenly shone and began to swirl, emitting a strange humming sound.

"It works." Renji murmured fascinated next to him and Byakuya nodded, hoping against hope that his sister would perform a miracle.

They stared at her, completely forgetting the world outside and when Rukia's eyes opened, they all held their breath. Her face showed the agony of her soul.

"I can't find it. It's not there." She said apprehensively. "It felt almost unnatural. It should be there, I can almost feel it but every time I feel like I found it, all I can see it's an empty space smudged with black."

"Could we all concentrate all our spiritual energy on the Moon Rock and maybe expand its powers?" Hisagi suggested and they all nodded.

An enormous spiritual pressure could be felt almost instantly within the grand hall, spinning around the stone, making its color change completely to a dark blue and Rukia started to pant but wouldn't let go of the stone.

An incommensurable time later, she opened her eyes, breaking the concentration of everybody around her, her eyes drowning her eyes.

"It's no use. I can't- I can't find it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's all right, Rukia-chan." Isshin replied soothingly. "It isn't your fault."

"Maybe you should try, Isshin." Ukitake-san said and Isshin took gingerly the stone in his hand, while Rukia started to cry softly in Renji's arms. And maybe Byakuya should ask himself why his sister seemed at home in Renji's arms and what was exactly between them but he couldn't find the power in him. He took in Isshin's prone stature as he closed his eyes.

_Let us find you, orange brat. Let us find you. _

The stone hummed again but when Isshin opened his eyes, he was just as heart-broken as Rukia, mirroring the same helplessness.

"Maybe we should-"

Byakuya didn't stay to hear the rest of the sentence. He had enough. He got out of the grand hall ignoring everybody and flash stepping towards his home. This was ridiculous, there was no way that they could find Ichigo if he didn't want to be found. And on top of that, why was he acting like this? Just because that brat told him that he loved him, it didn't necessarily mean that Byakuya should become this fool and look for him.

To hell with everything.

Those warm brown eyes should stop obsessing him. He shouldn't feel anything for the orange haired shinigami; the massive ice wall around his heart was still intact and yet, he felt compelled to find Ichigo.

"_But I know what you will say." Ichigo grinned like his old self._

"_What will I say?"_

"_That I am incredibly awesome and you loved m-"_

Byakuya suddenly stopped, his eyes widening. Could it be possible?

**oOo**

At the beginning, there was an inconceivable white light, punching the air out of him, making sure that he had nowhere to go and freezing him in space and time. In spite of going through so much, Ichigo hadn't been prepared for such excruciating pain in death. It felt as if his entire being was splintered and opened in raw wounds for the others to inspect, except there was no one there. In that incredible light, there was nobody. He was all alone.

He tried to scream as bolts of pain shot through his body completing the torture of what that war had meant to him. It felt worse than anything else he had ever experienced. It felt as his own tattoos were burning him alive in a continuous loop, making him choke on his own silent screams repeatedly. But there was nothing he could do except lying there like a useless puppet and be tortured. Maybe Aizen won after all, and his mind had been unable to perceive so. There were no more tears to wash his burning face, there were no more memories of what he had once been, that powerful being that destroyed Aizen. Or maybe not. There wasn't a voice anymore to scream in relief if only to know that the burning and agonizing pain would be shaped into a reality and not just that from his senses.

_Rukia, it hurts. It hurts so much. Take it away from me._

_Daddy, it hurts. Please, daddy., please, help me. I don't want to know the truth about your shinigami form just make this stop. Make this all stop. Just for one moment. Just for one second. Please, daddy, please help me. _

_Zangetsu. Hallow. Can anyone hear me?_

_Byakuya? Help me. Please, help me. _

But there was no relief in the agony and the tattoos broke loose in fiery pain making him want to crawl inside his body, except his body was the enemy right now.

Alone, just like always. Killed repeatedly, trying to protect the others. He had wished that power to save the others, protect his family, friends, _him_. But now, how he regretted it! He should have been born a normal human being. Normal, without any powers, without hallows turning him into a monster, without losing everything. Even if it meant losing _him_ as well. It would have been all for the better.

Just as it appeared, the light and the unbearable pain suddenly stopped. Ichigo didn't know he had his eyes scrunched tightly in a aching clench until he realized that his body had stopped from being torn apart. A calm breeze was soothing him, gently caressing his forehead, pressing a little, just enough to tantalize him, enough to make him want open his eyes.

_Come on._ The breeze whispered in his mind, in a soothing voice. _You have been so brave. Let it go now. Open your eyes._

He had faced so many frightful inner demons and so many appalling enemies, and yet it took all his will and bravery to open his eyes and face that voice. Although instead of a bleak surrounding, all he could stare at as he opened his eyes was a bright, incredibly blue sky. White fluffy clouds would pass every now and then, as if chasing each other, softly playing between themselves, ignoring the world under them. Ichigo found himself wishing he could touch them.

_Let them be. Their softness can't be compared to that of your hair_. The voice whispered again, tinged with amusement.

"What did you do to me?" He whispered in a very hoarse voice, a residual from all the torture.

_I healed you. You were dying Ichigo. I couldn't let that happen_. The voice sounded eerily hurt and broken. _You were dying so I had to heal you. I'm sorry for all the pain, but it took almost all my powers to save you. I just had to do something. You didn't deserve to die._

"Thank you." Ichigo replied, a little regretful. Slipping into oblivion would have been a nice change of scenery. He wasn't so sure he should be grateful for being still alive.

_I have never met a soul like yours before._ The voice continued, sensing Ichigo's hurt. _You let me touch it even when you didn't know what you were doing. _

"I let you touch my soul?"

_Its warmth was incomprehensible. You have gone through so much and yet nothing tainted it._

"It didn't taint it?" Ichigo's vision blurred. "But I feel so unbelievably sullied." He slowly got up and looked around him. A huge valley was at his feet, as he was resting on top of a green hill. Trees and flowers surrounded him, an idyllic picture of perfect serenity and calm, except he didn't feel that way. Moreover, there was no one around him, yet he could still feel a presence. The corners of his mouth turned down even more. He looked up at the sky again and then whispered brokenly:

"I don't want to go back. Don't let me go back."


	5. Asunder

**Disclaimer:** Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_. I own nothing and this is for entertainment purposes only.

Five

**Asunder**

"_But I know what you will say." Ichigo grinned like his old self._

"_What will I say?"_

"_That I am incredibly awesome and you loved m-"_

Byakuya suddenly stopped, his eyes widening. Could it be possible?

In the middle of the street, towards the quarters of the sixth division, Kuchiki Byakuya found himself on the brink of an epiphany, which he absolutely refused to acknowledge. No, there was no way he would feel something so powerful about Kurosaki Ichigo. He was just confused because of what the orange brat had told him before disappearing. Anyone could have been as impressionable as him. But Kuchiki Byakuya hardly could be called impressionable.

But that orange spark… In the deepest night, in the iciest age of his heart, that orange spark had exploded with the harshness and power of a thousand suns. And he had wanted it to crush it almost instantly, but the spark fought bravely against the freezing rejections. Each day Byakuya reminded the young shinigami that he wasn't welcomed, that Soul Society wasn't his place. And each day Ichigo would puff and storm out and come back and throw a tantrum and save lives and sacrifice for everyone else.

_But who has sacrificed for you, Ichigo? _

"Where do you think you are going, nii-sama?" Rukia hissed and there was again that harsh tone with which she has spoken to him in the grand hall.

"Rukia, I think you forget your place." He replied placidly. When it came to burying things under a rock and trying to forget about them, Kuchiki Byakuya was the master.

"You have to come back and try using the Moon Rock." She said after a while studying him very carefully, as if he might leave her alone there and run for the hills.

"Why would I do such a thing? Kurosaki Ichigo and I do not share any bond."

"Don't you dare say that!" Rukia snapped at him instantly, her eyes drowned in tears all over again. "Don't you dare diminish any of his feelings. Have you forgotten what he told you before disappearing?"

Byakuya recoiled as if being slapped, but Rukia had been a good sister too long. Too long, she had allowed her brother to abuse verbally Ichigo, telling him that his staying was long overdue, that he had to go back home. Too long, she had stood aside and watched Ichigo trying to be friendly with her brother in vain, burying himself little by little. She had failed Ichigo. That much she knew now. She had let him take the fall for everyone. She should have been stronger. She should have supported him.

She could still remember the moment when they met again after Ichigo defeated Ulquiora and came to rescue her from Yammy's clutches. As he turned a little to her, she could see his dead eyes looking back at her. Empty hopeless eyes. _These are not the eyes of a victor_, she had thought back then. But she ignored it because there was a war to win and there were lives at stake but she should have done something. Why had it been Ichigo's duty to save them all from Aizen? Why have they sacrificed him so easily? And why now her brother wanted to discard the feelings of probably the worthiest man in the entire universe?

"Those words were spoken-"

"No, whatever diminishing excuse you find, I don't want to hear it. Urahara-san says that you are now the best option. I don't care what you might think of your chances to find Ichigo but you are coming back, nii-san, and you are going to try to find him."

"Haven't I been the only one who has done that so far?" Byakuya replied icily. "As I recall, I was alone in my assumption that he might be alive."

"Shouldn't you then be asking yourself why that is?" Rukia ruthlessly bit back. "Shouldn't you be asking why you have been the only one to think that he might be alive somewhere out there?"

Byakuya froze under the weight of the question. Why indeed had he been the only one stubborn enough to believe that Ichigo was alive? Stubborn enough to visit even Aizen.

"Nii-san, I have never asked anything from you." Rukia whispered brokenly ready to cry again. "I have never even dared thinking of any request. But now all I ask you is come back with me and try the Moon Rock."

Byakuya nodded curtly and flash-stepped back to the grand hall, where everyone was expecting him in the same formation. Under the weight of all their stares, he reached for the blue rock and Urahara gave it to him without any comment. He felt drowning in a sea of unasked questions but Isshin clapped him friendly over the shoulder, nodding encouragingly.

Byakuya hold the rock loosely as he closed his eyes, his huge reiatsu exploding all around him. It felt as if the rock was charging itself through Byakuya's spiritual energy. Literally, thousands of spiritual energies burst around him, their color magnificent and Byakuya's spirit stood in awe, humbled for a second by the uniqueness of the universe around them. But then, he started looking around him, searching for a trace of reiatsu. Nevertheless, just as Rukia had mentioned before, it was unnatural the way it split where Ichigo's reiatsu should have been. There was a splintered place, cracked with electric sparks, pinching at Byakuya's fingers, making the tracing a little harder. The fracture was moving all around and Byakuya scoffed. It was no use. Of course, he wouldn't be able to find Ichigo.

_Oh, Kuchiki Byakuya, giving up so easily?_ A sudden mocking voice interrupted his useless thoughts.

"Who are you?" Byakuya tensed searching around him but finding no one. "Show yourself."

_I don't have time for games, Kuchiki Byakuya. There is little need for you to know who I am, but rest assured that all I want is to bring back Ichigo. He needs his family, his friends and most importantly, he needs you. Do you truly want to find him?_

"Yes." Byakuya answered without hesitation and when it spoke again, the voice seemed to smile.

_Then follow me. But I advise you one thing though, Kuchiki Byakuya. Before we reach the place where Ichigo is, decide on your feelings for there is no room for hesitation. One tiny mistake and you will all lose Ichigo forever._

**oOo**

At the beginning, Ichigo didn't realize how much his life has changed. The only thing that he was capable was to feel that self-loathing keep growing into dark spots in the open spaces of his soul, embittering every hope he had ever had. The excruciating pain, which he experienced during his healing, had tired him therefore the first few weeks were spent into the new space sleeping and nothing else. It was a sound sleep, devoid of any image that might harm his healing process. Ichigo had expected many nightmares but his fears had been unfounded. There was nothing but sleep and rest and he blamed the new voice for that, the resounding voice that would come to break into his space occasionally.

He would sleep until the sun was high in the sky and then he would eat something and then go back to sleep. It was actually all very rewarding for he had done so many things in this life but rest had never been one of them. Now and then his thoughts would slip to those left behind and their suffering and what they might feel about his supposed death or disappearing or whatever it was the current state but then he would shut himself down and the voice would appear in an instance, gently touching his face. It felt like a breeze nothing more, playing through his hair and generally making him squirm uncomfortably while it laughed amused by his blushing.

In the third week, Ichigo began to explore a little his new home. It was a small cottage, on the top of the hill, where he had woken up. Tall sycamore trees were surrounding it like a natural fence aimed to protect. It wasn't large by any means. There was just a kitchen, a bedroom, a living room and a bathroom. Apparently the voice loved to see him in casual clothing because there only sweats, shorts and t-shirts. The bathroom had everything a man needed and the living room was full of books ready to be read. There was even a guitar there, which he tortured every now and then trying to make it sound like ready to play a song.

_Have you ever played before?_

"Yes." Ichigo had replied curtly and left it at that. He appreciated what the voice had done for him but years of finding enemies even in supposed allies made him weary of any offers of peace that the voice might have for him.

_You have grown suspicious of me_, the voice sounded oddly amused by this new development and Ichigo scowled in the distance because one couldn't scowl at something which hadn't a body.

"I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can't blame me for that." He replied morosely, sitting in his chaise-langue and drumming his fingers over the smooth wood.

_No, I suppose I can't._ This time the voice was sad with tinges of guilt, making Ichigo feel guilty as well. _But I would never hurt you Ichigo, I could never do that. This is something that must enter through our thickheaded skull. _

"I know, I know, and I am sorry for even doubting you." Ichigo's fingers still drummed against the wood but this time twitching with the need to caress something that hadn't any corporeal mass. "You have healed me and offered me this escape and I should be grateful and don't get me wrong, I really am grateful. But I can't stop myself from thinking that this won't last for long, that this will be taken away from me just like other things have been taken from me as well."

_It will never be taken from you, unless you are prepared to leave this all behind._

"That is something which will never happen."

_You need time._

"I need peace."

The voice hadn't replied back and it made Ichigo strangely anxious. But then the ever present breeze would sooth his worries and he would smile contently, unaware of the brightness of his own soul. However, the voice was aware of it and in spite of falling in love with Ichigo's soul, loving it so much, it still knew that this had to be temporary; Ichigo shouldn't be allowed to run away from his life.

But it stayed oddly quiet when it came to such matters and Ichigo continued to read and play and generally stare in the distance thinking of onyx eyes looking astonishingly alive just when he was about to say goodbye. Those eyes were occupying his thoughts so much that one morning he decided to come up with a plan to spend his energy better. The desire to make a garden had won soon and before he couldn't even voice his small needs, whatever being decided to take care of him already bringing him the necessary materials. He planted cherries.

_They mean something to you._

"A majestic man uses their petals as a symbol."

_As a symbol? _

"Yes, they are a symbol of pride, honor, and duty." Ichigo's eyes saddened a little in the rusty light of the dusk. "Too much duty sometimes."

_And love?_

"Good question." Ichigo watched the cherries wondrously. "Maybe. For his dead wife, Hisana-san. She's Rukia's sister."

_Rukia?_ The voice sounded confused again but somehow Ichigo knew that it wasn't as ignorant as it tried to be. Nevertheless, Ichigo found himself spilling amusing details or heartbreaking stories about his ultimate friendship with Rukia that transcended even a romantic connection. Deep in the night he recalled how he saved her, how she gave him her powers, how they battled hallows so aching past memories grew in this reality as well. Then he stopped, because he recalled how he met Byakuya.

Incredible icy eyes, such tense, almost regal posture, but beyond everything else there was nothing. Nothing at all. A living statue breathing power and honor and duty to such an extent that later on, Ichigo had asked himself if Byakuya hadn't buried himself with Hisana, if years upon years, decades after decades, hadn't carved too much into his soul leaving nothing in return.

The voice hadn't prodded him and Ichigo felt thankful. He continued to take care of his new project forgetting about time and food and other worries. As long as he had this, he could hardly concentrate on anything else.

It had abruptly stopped one morning. Sitting on the sun lit porch of his house, Ichigo was scratching lazily his stomach while holding a cup of tea in the other, watching the sunrise in the valley below. Deep rich colors were burning with life, little birds chirping in the sky. And then a long shadow of man kept coming and coming and coming and Ichigo dropped the cup to the floor breaking in thousands of pieces, just like his soul. The shadow kept growing, the sun burning from behind.

However, even if the light was almost blinding him, he could still make the shadowy face of Zangetsu, with his glasses firmly fixed on his nose, his jaw tensed in a determined thought. And Ichigo felt incredibly sick, just like back then, when he first realized what a monster he was, capable of hurting his own friends without any restrain. It wasn't Zangetsu's fault by any means, but it was Zangetsu's power and that Ichigo couldn't forget.

_Ichigo_. The voice suddenly whispered as if trying to sooth a scared animal.

"No, you promised." Ichigo argued instantly furious, trying to back the tears. "You said that you would keep me safe, that there would be no one else."

_I can't separate them, Ichigo. They are deeply engraved into your soul._

"They?" Ichigo broke into a cold sweat just as he turned to his side in time to see his hallow smiling sadly at him.

"Yo, King."

"No, not you." Ichigo whispered in horror, taking a step back enough to step over the shards of the broken cup but unable to control his movements. He has gone through so much that he was completely unaware of the blood sipping through the wooden floor "Please, anyone but you."

"Please, King, you have to listen to me." His hallow doubled his efforts. He was so much changed. Even those yellowy eyes, which burned into him so much before, were tinged with genuine grief.

"No, I don't." Ichigo looked wildly scared around himself. "I don't want them here. You hear me? I don't want them here! Take them away! Take them back!" He yelled in anger and shut the door behind him, as if that flimsy thing would keep his hallow's powers or Zangetsu's away from him. He stood with his hands fisted in front of the door waiting for the attack. Breathing harshly, trying to contain the sickness that was corrupting his every cell, Ichigo fought hard against keeping himself in balance.

_You know they would never hurt you._

"You fucking liar!" Ichigo howled. "You promised. You fucking promised that you wouldn't hurt me. And you bring them here? You bring _him_ here? Why not bring fucking Aizen and be done with it?"

_Ichigo, stop this tantrum and think. They are part of you. I can't separate them from you because they _are_ you._

"Yeah, great, remind me what a fucking monster I am, print it out in large red letters: _Ichigo Kurosaki is a fucking blood thirsty, power hungry monster_." He went in the living room trying to find a way to escape from the new nightmare. Not finding one, he slowly let himself slowly fall on the ground, his feet a bloody mess. "I trusted you, and this is how you repay me? What do you hope to accomplish through his? Torture me? Haven't I been tortured enough?"

_Kurosaki, Ichigo, you will stop this tantrum right this moment. Breathe!_ Stunned by the furious voice, he took harsh breaths letting the frustration tears fell away. _You couldn't be more wrong, Ichigo. I would never hurt you, but they came with you. You have to confront and understand your very own nature. You are not a monster. _

"Yeah, well, it was not you who has stabbed Ishida, almost killing him, were you?" Ichigo said panting through sobs, a pathetic mess.

_And neither were you. With great power comes great responsibility, Ichigo and I know that unfortunately you out of all people learnt this lesson the harsh way. However, running away from this and not taking responsibility, you will hurt yourself even more._

"King, please, listen to him." His hallow suddenly appeared in front of Ichigo while Zangetsu stood really close behind him. "And please, listen to me."

"Why would I? I don't know the creepy voice and I certainly don't want to hear you."

_Hey, what's with the name calling?_ Ichigo stopped himself from smiling. No, he wouldn't give up so easily.

"I remember you said that you couldn't wait to find a weak spot in my armor and then you would overthrow me, you would get in charge of my body and make sure that everyone I loved would pay for my weakness."

"But haven't we grown up since that moment?" His hallow replied softly sitting in front of him with his legs crossed. "Look, I'm not saying that I didn't say all that, but so many years have passed since then."

"Ichigo, when you attained the final Getsuga Tenshou, what did I say to you?" Zangetsu finally spoke, his rough voice making Ichigo shiver.

"That you only wanted to protect me." Ichigo whispered in a weak voice.

"And was I not already in a symbiotic form with your hallow?"

"Yes, you were."

"Ichigo, across this universe there are many souls, some brighter than the others, some more powerful than others. Yet yours is the only one who sings to us, whose brightness makes us complete."

His hallow reached for his hair but upon seeing him flinch, he retreated his hand

"King, please, I am your brother in both spirit and form. I know that at the beginning I might have looked to harm you but remember there have been many times when I saved you too. I can't exist without you; I would never wish you would perish."

"But all those times, when I lost control?"

"It is our power combined. Driven by instinct, but we are no monsters, maybe just too powerful for our own good. But maybe if we could train-"

"No," Ichigo interrupted him horrified by the mere suggestion that he could hold a sword. "No training."

"Ok, ok," his hallow raised his hands in a placating gesture, "no training. But allow us to be your roommates. That garden of yours could surely need an improvement. You are a sorry-ass gardener."

"Don't mock my garden, you bastard." Ichigo replied grouchily, punching the shoulder of his hallow hard.

"Then stop being such a prissy little bitch," the hallow scowled back, touching the sore spot where Ichigo punched him.

This was hardly a definite discussion, hardly a solution for Ichigo's troubled mind. At least for the moment though, the voice felt content with the result. The hallow too, well, as much as a hallow could be content. Nevertheless, in the following weeks the hallow would find himself missing his master's friendly touch. It took over a month later to finally be clapped friendly on the back. And that was going to be a glorious day, because it was the day Ichigo was found.


	6. Surrender

**Disclaimer: **Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_. I borrow his characters for entertainment purposes only and envy him from afar.

Six

**Surrender**

_Oh, Kuchiki Byakuya, giving up so easily?_ A sudden mocking voice interrupted his useless thoughts.

"Who are you?" Byakuya tensed searching around him but finding no one. "Show yourself."

_I don't have time for games, Kuchiki Byakuya. There is little need for you to know who I am, but rest assured that all I want is to bring back Ichigo. He needs his family, his friends and most importantly, he needs you. Do you truly want to find him?_

"Yes." Byakuya answered without hesitation and when it spoke again, the voice seemed to smile.

_Then follow me. But I advise you one thing though, Kuchiki Byakuya. Before we reach the place where Ichigo is, decide on your feelings for there is no room for hesitation. One tiny mistake and you will all lose Ichigo forever._

The voice wasn't corporeal, but it felt like a strong presence around him. Byakuya calmed himself to the point where he was again the poised captain of the sixth division. He needed to keep his cool. All those people put their faith in Byakuya. His sister did the same.

_Only for those people?_ The voice taunted him. _Apparently, Ichigo thinks too highly of you. _

"You have taken him away from us." Byakuya said unable to contain all his anger.

_Would you have preferred his death?_ The voice sounded harsher now. _Instead of taking care of him, you and your people,_ the voice spat scathingly, _have let him fall prey to his darkest nightmares. Not one of you said a kind word to him, only used him for power and for defeating the enemies._

"It is not true. My sister cares very much about Kurosaki. His family, his friends, they all care about him; they all want to make sure that he all right. They all want him alive."

_What about you, captain Kuchiki? Does the great nobleman have nothing to say about it?_ When Byakuya remained suspiciously quiet, the voice continued. _Nothing to add? No feelings whatsoever?_

"I will not start to confess myself to a disembodied voice which may or may not bring me to Kurosaki Ichigo. For all I know, you could be just another trap set by our enemies." His placid voice carried away in the surrounding darkness, the stone still burning in his hand.

_Ah, a cautious man. Maybe too cautious. _

_Shouldn't you be asking why you have been the only one to think that he might be alive somewhere out there?_ Rukia said to him.

_Ah, yes, your sister is very wise for her age_. The voice stopped as if contemplating the truth behind Rukia's words. _The truth is, Kuchiki Byakuya, if I could keep forever Kurosaki Ichigo, I would do it in a heartbeat. Well, if I had one. I can see the greatness of his soul, the generosity, and the love, the need to protect everything he holds dear. I would cherish each part of him, those that make him wallow in self-pity, and those that make him feel guilty. Truth is, he can't stay forever where I have brought him and he would lose himself a little bit every day until this great soul of his would disappear entirely. _

"You care about him."

_So do you, you are just too proud and blind to see that_. Byakuya's eyes widened.

"Where have you taken him?"

_That is not for you to know. I will tell Ichigo everything he needs to know and if one day he will decide to share it with you, then so be it. However, I don't trust Soul Society and I certainly don't trust you._

"And yet you are entrusting me with Ichigo."

_The bond is too powerful even for me to ignore. But rest assured that if you hurt him, even one bit, hell will be nothing compared to what I am going to do to you._ The pure hatred and rage behind those words made Byakuya tensing even more. He wanted to argue that he couldn't be scared that easily but a sudden bright light surrounded him and before he knew it, he was in front of a small house.

He took a look around, contemplating the surrounding area. It was like a world in itself, with valleys and hills and wondered if he would ever reach the line of the horizon, if Ichigo has ever tried to do that. However, it was the peace, the almost unnatural calm floating in the area, which made Byakuya see the appeal of staying here forever.

"Is he here?"

_Can't you feel it?_ Byakuya hated almost instantly the wondrous voice, for it was tinged with an incredible fondness. But he felt it, a spiritual pressure that used to annoy him, that used to do so many things to him. He thought that finding Ichigo would be hard. He never thought how hard it would be to face him.

_Take care of him_, the voice whispered. _He is precious to me._

**oOo**

Ichigo woke up in the middle of the night with a start. It was the first time he had a nightmare since he got here, wherever that _here_ was and this simple fact was most troublesome. The cold sweat surrounded him like a cold shroud and he longed for a shower or something while trying to keep the nightmare at bay. As long as he didn't think about it, it couldn't reach him and in this small corner of the world it was quite satisfying to have at least that. His t-shirt however was drenched and a bitter reminder of what had occurred.

He got up and went to bathroom, looking for some sort of distraction. A hot shower was all he needed, but maybe he was just lying to himself. The hot water did nothing to sooth his worries. The nightmare had been most vivid, as if it was a vision of what was happening, and he was unable to stop it from happening, except maybe just to assist. People were looking for him in that dream. Trembling hands pressed into the cold tiles., the body leaning hopeless into them. They were looking for him, even Byakuya. Even Aizen was helping them. What if they could find him? Ichigo's heart started to beat a little faster, panic swirling around him like a vicious serpent.

His forehead touched the cold tiles, in a failed attempt to cool his thoughts. It had been a nightmare, nothing more. However, he never had a dream before in this place. He has always gone straight to sleep, a dark veil falling over him and he had woken up refreshed and assured that he was still here. Nevertheless, this was the first time he had a dream, such a vivid dream and so realistic he had almost thrown up at the thought it might become a reality.

Turning off the water, he got out of the cabin and dressed himself quickly into another t-shirt and a pair of sweats. He looked fearfully at the bed in his room, the full moon casting over it an eerie light. No, he couldn't get back to sleep now that had woken up. He got out of the house without steering anyone and settled on the porch, warm breeze trying to take his thoughts away.

"I dreamed tonight," he whispered, distressed by his own words.

_What about?_ The voice sounded suspiciously blank and that, most than anything, alarmed Ichigo. His hands were sweating by the time the next words had fallen from his lips.

"I dreamed that they were looking for me and that they were using a stone that Urahara-san has created."

Silence.

_They are looking for you_. The voice finally replied. _I fear they are going to come really soon, Ichigo._

"What?" Anxiously Ichigo looked around him as if they were already there, ready to snatch him, as if they weren't talking about his family and his best friends, people with whom he had shared blood. As if, they were talking about enemies. "I thought you promised me that you would never let me go back. I thought you kept your promises." He seethed because he was feeling betrayed.

_And I am keeping my promises, Ichigo, but I can't keep you here forever, this is not my world and no matter what people say about me, my powers aren't limitless._ Another moment of silence. _I don't want to lose yourself, Ichigo, and if you continue to stay here, this is what is going to happen. _

"Lose myself? Haven't I done that already?" Ichigo raised his voice a little. "I am nothing but a shell of the man I used to be. When Aizen finished with me, I-"

_You were holding your ground, proudly sacrificing yourself so that all the rest of the people lived, so that your friends and your family could be safe_. The voice argued passionately. _Remember Ichigo how you looked at Aizen and demanded the Hogyoku knowing fully well that it would come to you. Remember how you accepted what Zangetsu told you, how you knew that this was going to end and yet, even then, you didn't back down. _

"I told Aizen that we are both monsters, that this is why we understood each other so well." Ichigo passed his fingers through his hair, a gesture that he had done ever since he was little and nervous about certain things.

_What troubles you so much when it comes to Aizen?_

"I felt something when I fought against him, when our swords crossed. I felt how much alike we are."

_I think that you misunderstood what you felt, although to a certain extent you are right. You do resemble Aizen. But not_, the voice was quick to add feeling Ichigo flinch, _not in the way you might think. You both wanted power even thought it was for completely different reasons. On the other hand, it is not Aizen that truly marked you, Ichigo, is it?_

"No, I guess you are right." Ichigo looked far away into the valley as the moonlight caressed each slope, each tree. "The fight with Ulquiora is the one that broke something me. I have always wanted to protect the people I cared about. I have never seen any reason to protect them from me until that moment.

_Is this why you are running away?_ The voice asked gently. _You want to protect the people you love?_

"I guess. Who could possibly understand this anyway?"

"King?" Hichigo suddenly appeared next to him, sleepily looking around. "Are you all right?"

Ichigo snorted amused a little by the entire question

"Yes, I guess I am." Ichigo looked around him. "They are coming for me."

"Do you want to leave?" The hallow asked almost instantly alert, as if enemies were about to come right away. It hit sometimes Ichigo how much his relation with his hallow had changed.

"Maybe it's time to stay put and face my fears." Ichigo answered pensively. "I don't think it will do much good but if they find me and if they truly want me back then at least I can give them that, right?"

_We don't have much time._

"You're helping them, aren't you?" Ichigo asked in a sad voice and the voice drifted away from him for a moment.

_I fear my powers have diminished since I brought you back here and healed you._ The voice sounded strangely wistful. _I wish I could make your wishes come true and have more time for that. You have to believe me, Ichigo, when I say that I want what is best for you._

"I have never asked how this will affect you. I am sorry for that. If I leave, will you be able to recover?"

_No, it doesn't work like that._ Another moment of silence. _I have spent so much time waiting for you._ The voice sounded almost heart-broken, making something clench painfully inside Ichigo.

"If I leave," Ichigo said brokenly, swallowing painfully, "I won't hear you again, will I?"

_I am not sure. Our connection might disappear. _

"I don't want that!" Ichigo yelled a little panicked, as if he was letting down a friend.

_I know but it can't be helped._ The soft breeze slipped through his hair, caressing him gently. _I wish I could be corporeal if only to touch you for real, Kurosaki Ichigo._

Ichigo closed his eyes under the gentle caress.

"I wish I could touch you too." He whispered longingly.

He opened his eyes when the breeze finally disappeared and looked at his hallow, who looked back as if in wonder. Hichigo opened his mouth a couple of times, trying to say something, but then he stopped and smiled sadly back.

"Can I stay with you?" Ichigo nodded softly and the hallow almost immediately sat next to his legs, with his back tensed, resembling a watchdog. Ichigo smiled back and before he could stop himself, he slowly put his hand on his hallow's shoulder. Instantly the white haired other self of his relaxed, his eyes closing a little as he leaned against Ichigo's legs. The Substitute Shinigami kept his hand there, savoring perhaps his last night in this place. The muscles under his fingers relaxed gradually and soon, Zangetsu joined them on the porch as well, draping Ichigo with a blanket and taking his sit next to Hichigo. The young man smiled gratefully and let them both watch me the rest of the night. It was their way to make peace and it was befitting. Ichigo had always been a man of few words.

They watched the sunrise and then prepared breakfast, deciding to work in the garden a little more. From time to time, both Zangetsu and Hichigo would look at him and each time Ichigo would smile reassuringly at them. He dreaded the moment when he would be discovered but it wasn't in him to wait for that particular moment like a damsel in distress.

"King!" His hallow yelled and almost instantly, some gravel hit him. He looked up just in time to see his hallow grinning like a lunatic at him. "Damn, I must confess brown is definitely your color. Maybe I should call you dirt face from now on."

"You bastard! Why did you do that?"

"Because I kept calling you and you won't answer."

Ichigo scowled at him and took a full fist of soil before throwing it towards his hallow, who looked actually shocked that Ichigo retaliated. The young man started to laugh at his hallow's disconcerted face when he was hit again with dirt.

"I said stop it!" He yelled annoyed.

"You two stop acting like children." Zangetsu intervened in his gruff voice. "This garden won't take care of itself."

"But he started it." Ichigo scowled at his hallow again, who pretended to be utterly innocent. If only he hadn't had those manic yellow eyes of his, he could have almost fooled Ichigo.

"And I am going to finish it." Zangetsu replied and looked at Hichigo. "And don't think you are fooling me, kid. I don't trust that innocent face of yours, not even a second."

"How come only I get scolded?" If he didn't know any better, Ichigo might have said that his hallow was pouting. The thought seemed so absurd that he burst into laughter all over again. His hallowed was looking at him with a fond expression on his face.

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

Ichigo froze with his shovel still in his hands, suddenly surrounded by his hallow and Zangetsu. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Is he really here?" He asked in a small voice.

"I'm afraid so, King." His hallow's voice sounded tensed again and the small peace they had before disappeared in an instant. Ichigo nodded and then finally opened his eyes and turned around just in time to see Byakuya Kuchiki standing proudly in his garden, unchanged.

"Byakuya Kuchiki." He imitated the older man, trying to keep his voice steady. Onyx eyes roamed over his body as if seeking battle wounds and Ichigo tried to keep his derisive snort for himself because the battle scars weren't on his body.

"You must come with me." Byakuya finally added, as if satisfied with what he had seen.

"Always straight to the point, Byakuya." Ichigo said forlornly, letting the shovel fall on the ground.

"King, do you want me to take care of him?" Hichigo hissed, his shoulders tensed, his fists clenching and unclenching.

"No, it ok." Ichigo took a deep breath and put his hand on the hallow's shoulder. "The voice warned us, remember? It's time to go."

"But maybe…"

"It is all right." Ichigo's smile broke halfway. He turned to his garden, ignoring the way in which Byakuya kept his eyes on him. There, in the middle of all those flowers and trees, among those cherry trees, his heart reminded him of all those dear to him and Ichigo did the only thing natural for him.

He sacrificed for the others.


	7. Loss

**Disclaimer**: Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_. I own nothing except this crazy idea that these two guys would look great together. Actually not even this idea is mine, so there you have it.

Seven

**Loss**

The room was quiet. The captains stopped concentrating once they felt that Byakuya's presence was completely gone from their midst, letting just their spiritual energy float to that stone. Rukia chewed anxiously her bottom lip hoping somehow that this might calm her down. It failed completely. The possibility that Byakuya could find Ichigo was extremely high, and she hadn't been surprised when Urahara called on her to go and fetch her brother back. They hadn't forgotten Ichigo's confession.

She looked up at her brother's utterly blank face. Not even one emotion could be read on it, and yet when she mentioned Ichigo's name in his presence, those features would lit up with something uncalled before. Maybe if she had said something before, Ichigo would have fought more to stay among them; maybe being accepted by Byakuya had been all he needed. She shook her head slightly. No, Ichigo's wounds had run deeper than that. His unrequited love for Byakuya had nothing to do with it.

Her back ached unpleasantly. The sun was beginning to fire up the dusk, hues of orange brightening up the hall. _Orange just like Ichigo's hair_. She clasped her hands together as if in a prayer. _Just let him bring him back, please_.

What if indeed, Ichigo didn't want to be found? Wouldn't be cruel to bring him back just because they missed him and wanted him back? She remembered his blank eyes as he descended from wherever he had defeated Ulquiora. She remembered how empty they were. They have frightened her more than anything else in her life has. It felt like Ichigo had died up there and no one could save him. Ichigo had always done the saving. Who could be powerful enough to save Ichigo?

Her legs were getting stiff and even the other captains were giving signs that they were getting tired. Their reiatsu was still concentrated on the rock, although they could actively think of something else.

Suddenly Byakuya opened his eyes. For a second there was only a shocked silence creeping around. They all looked at Byakuya but the man kept looking straight ahead and just as sudden, unexpected bright blue spheres of energy began to appear. At first, they were minute, appearing from time to time, circling around the stone that Byakuya kept in his palm. However, soon the spheres of energy began to grow gradually and form a unique orb, which grew and grew until an abrupt explosion made them cover their eyes.

Rukia's breath hitched when silence descended over the hall again. She had feared this moment. She looked up just in time to see Ichigo's orange locks caressed by a fading ray. He was dressed in a blue t-shirt and some grey pants, his face a little dirty, his eyes closed, and yet looking more beautiful than anything that she has ever seen in her entire life as a shinigami.

Ichigo opened his eyes slowly, as if afraid of what he might see. For a moment, he just blinked and looked in Byakuya's onyx eyes. They held the same blank expression as always and Ichigo's heart twisted a little in the knowledge that some things never changed. He blinked again and looked around to see the captains and lieutenants surrounding him. Yoruichi was smiling like a cat and Urahara looked a little hopeful. Nobody dared to say anything as Ichigo's eyes fell on his dad.

One of his earliest memories of his father was from when Ichigo was five or six; he has never dared to ask for clarifications from his dad. He remembered they had gone to the park and while his father had met with some fellow fathers, some older kids picked on Ichigo. He didn't remember how the conflict ended, whether he had won or on the contrary, he had lost; what stuck to his mind was his father's gentle face as he kneeled in front of Ichigo and caressed his teary face. Ichigo was sobbing, gasping for air from time to time, trying to wipe the tears, because he knew that only girls were crying and that he should be stronger than that. Yet, his father didn't mock him. He wiped Ichigo's tears and took him in his arms, cradling him as if he was just a baby. Ichigo could feel the safe sensation that flooded him. He looked up to see his father looking down with love and wonder as if he couldn't believe that Ichigo was his son. Then suddenly he put Ichigo one his strong shoulders and let him stay there for the rest of the day while they took a walk and ate candy canes.

In that particular moment Ichigo had felt more loved than any child in the entire world had and he knew that between him and his father there was a more profound bond than that of blood.

When he locked his eyes with his father's, in that room that spoke nothing to any of them, he suddenly felt like that kid all over again. His father's warm eyes were looking at Ichigo with the same love and wonder in his eyes, as if Ichigo had always been a blessing, as if Ichigo had always been the perfect child. The young man took a small step and then another not knowing exactly what to say.

_Just say that you love him, king. It will be enough_. His hollow whispered gently in his mind. Ichigo didn't dare to make a sound as his father quick steps brought him near him and in the next moment, Ichigo was squeezed in the tightest hug ever.

"My son, my beautiful son." Isshin whispered heartbreakingly into his ear and Ichigo hid his face in the man's shoulder. Back then, when he was little, Isshin had seemed to Ichigo like an Atlas carrying the entire world on his shoulders, capable of protecting Ichigo forever. He had secretly aspired that one day he would turn just like his dad.

"I am sorry, dad." He whispered back, unable to keep his voice from breaking.

"Didn't you think that I would miss you?" Isshin's voice was choked with unshed tears and weariness. "I would go to the end of the world for you, son. Never forget that."

"I'm sorry." Ichigo kept repeating and Isshin squeezed him harder.

"There is nothing to be sorry about." Isshin replied gently. "You are back. That is all that matters now." Isshin took a deep breath. "I love you, son."

"I love you too, dad."

Ichigo took a deep breath and finally stepped away from his father. He looked around him again as Isshin kept a protective arm over his shoulders. He wasn't by far a damsel in distress, but his father's support at the moment was all that kept him from running from that hall.

"Yo, midget." Ichigo smiled kindly at Rukia, who just about had it.

"You stupid damn idiot!" She yelled as she flung herself into his arms, wailing like a small child. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Hey, it's not like I had control over where I was going." He said soothingly, hugging her tight. This petite woman had changed his life in such a profound way that it still amazed Ichigo.

"Yeah, well, next time you be more careful."

"Hopefully there won't be a next time where three shinigami captains decide to betray Soul Society." He found power to joke but Rukia just glared at him. "Too soon to joke about that?"

"Way too soon."

"Ok, no jokes then." Ichigo looked around at those gathered there, quietly avoiding Byakuya's eyes. "Thank you for bringing me back, I guess."

"You are welcome, Kurosaki Ichigo." The supreme commander's deep voice was as commanding as ever. "You are the savior of Soul Society and we owe you our deepest gratitude."

"Well, let's not exaggerate here." Ichigo backed down almost instantly. "I mean, everyone had fought for this. I just happened to defeat Aizen, that is all. Everyone is all right?" Ichigo asked in his typical fashion.

"Yes, Ichigo, everyone is all right." Urahara answered and this time the teen looked at him. The shopkeeper seemed a little older if that was possible. A little sheepish too. Ichigo smiled comforting at him. He knew what Urahara wanted from him but he wasn't ready yet.

"That is good then."

"May we ask what happened with the Hogyoku?" Mayuri asked brusquely, his eyes glinting suspiciously.

"I have no idea." Ichigo answered sheepishly. "I wasn't very much conscious after the battle, and where I was left afterwards, not a word was spoken about it."

"What do you mean about that?" Toushirou intervened.

"A voice guided me towards Ichigo," Byakuya answered instead and Ichigo almost flinched hearing his voice, "which I presume pertained to Ichigo's savior."

"A voice?" His father's voice rumbled closely.

"Yes." Ichigo could almost feel his face shutting down. "After my disappearance, I was taken somewhere. I don't know where but I was healed by this voice. It took a while and it was an extremely painful process. When I woke up, I was in a beautiful valley, and a voice was talking to me."

"Do you know whose voice was it?"

"No." Ichigo's curt answer made people frown.

"Could it be that of your hollow's?"

"No, my hollow had been corporeal in that world, wherever I was."

"Are you going to tell us that you have spent all this time there without asking questions?"

"No. The voice said that it will reveal to me at a more appropriate moment." Ichigo looked defiantly at them. "He was my savior. That is all there is to know about that voice. I have no reasons to doubt its honesty."

"Really?" Ukitake said. "But it has kept you from us."

"That was my wish." Ichigo hated to see those startled faces, knew that they wanted explanations from him but he felt little inclined to give them.

"So it was true." Rukia said bitterly. "You didn't want to come back."

"I think I was entitled to have my own break." When he saw her wince, his voice became soothing. "I almost died, Rukia. I wasn't in a good place at the time."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok." He looked back at the supreme commander. "Would you mind if you asked me questions later? I feel tired now and I need to see my sisters and my friends." When suddenly everyone started to avoid his eyes, Ichigo felt that chilling clench over his heart all over again. "What is it?" He looked panicked at his father. "Something happened to Yuzu or to Karin?"

"No, they are all right." His father's grip on his shoulders tightened. "It is just that the bond between your soul and your body has been so severely broken that…" His father's eyes were drowning in unshed tears all over again and Ichigo painfully swallowed.

"Am I dead in the real world?" He whispered, the sudden lump in his throat almost suffocating him.

"Yes."

Ichigo felt his thoughts swirling in his head, his breath coming in short puffs of air. He was dead. _Dead at eighteen_. He would have laughed ironically if it wasn't so goddamn tragic. His eyes clouded with tears and he gasped for air because he didn't want to seem weak. When was all this going to stop?

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, son."

"No, come on, dad, it is ok." Ichigo whispered brokenly, letting his head fall on the back a little, letting his eyes dry. No fucking way he was going to cry in front of Byakuya Kuchiki and all the others. "It's just so unexpected, although I should have known better.

_I'm sorry, King_. The hollow said and a feeling of support and compassion steeled him.

_Thank you,_ he replied, letting his gratitude flow in his inner world.

"What about Yuzu and Karin?" He finally got the strength to stop his voice from breaking.

"I had to explain them what truly happened to you." Isshin suddenly seemed less powerful. "I won't lie to you. They suffer greatly, but they can't wait to see you."

"Will they be able to?"

"Yes." The old Yamamoto answers instead. "We will make sure of that."

"Ok, ok," Ichigo breathed a little again. "That is good then."

"You will have plenty of time to decide what you want to do, young Ichigo." The supreme commander continued, his voice tinged with emotion. "Now you should rest."

"I think this is a very good idea. Yuzu and Karin should see at my best." Ichigo smiled awkwardly.

"The Kuchiki manor is at your disposal, Kurosaki." Byakuya's neutral voice startled the others and Ichigo felt the instant need to refuse.

"No, thank you, it's all right. I can rest at one of the divisions' headquarters."

"The eleventh will take you, Ichigo. Say nothing else." Zaraki roared and Ichigo almost accepted when his father intervened.

"He needs peace and quite right now, Kenpachi and he won't get that at your division. No offence."

"None taken, old man."

"I think it is best if you accept Byakuya's offer, son." Isshin said seriously. "You will be able to rest nicely and then in the morning I will come and fetch you to see your sisters."

"But-" He started to protest but the old commander stopped him.

"It is decided then. Kurosaki Ichigo should rest at the Kuchiki manor until appropriate accommodations can be offered to him. Tomorrow he will go back to the real world to see his sisters and then we should talk some more about this voice, maybe not with so many people around. You are all dismissed."

The captains and lieutenants started to leave, but not without shaking Ichigo's hand or patting him on the shoulder. Ichigo returned all of their gestures with a strained smile. It was too much and he really didn't want to go to the Kuchiki manor, but he would feel like a coward if he didn't.

"Would like me to stay?" His father asked him in a low voice and Ichigo shook his head.

"No, it's all right. Better, go and tell Yuzu and Karin that I will come to see them tomorrow morning. Tell them I miss them."

"All right, son." His father hugged him tightly one more time. "It is good to have you back, son."

"It's good to be back, dad." And Ichigo almost convinced himself that it wasn't just a half lie.

Isshin smiled again reassuringly and then he left.

"Well, strawberry head, you sure like to see people fawning over you." Renji mocked him and Ichigo smirked.

"Envy really doesn't suit you, pineapple head." Ichigo scowled.

"Who's envious on your stupid ass?" Renji scowled back.

"Shut up, you love my ass and you know it." Ichigo said and shook his ass gracefully.

"I sure do or I would have beaten you to a pulp right now, you selfish prick." Renji said, all mocking gone from his voice. Ichigo knew that this one the only friendly declaration from Renji, the closest to how he truly felt about the entire matter, so he kept the same serious voice when he said:

"I know."

"Abarai, if you have finished making a spectacle out of yourself, Rukia and I would like to take Ichigo to the manor."

"Yes, captain." Renji got flustered. "Of course. I am sorry, sir."

Ichigo snorted amused and Renji glared in his direction before he bowed and flash-stepped out of the hall.

"Shall we?" Byakuya startled him and Ichigo nodded, refusing to say anything else.

Rukia spoke most on their way to the Kuchiki estate. She kept telling him news about their friends, and what happened while he was gone. Ichigo listened avidly while keeping an eye on Byakuya's prone form. The older man was walking in front of them, his shoulders in a tensed line. Ichigo didn't ask why the older man offered his house; hopefully though he wasn't going to bring a word about Ichigo's confession. Being brought back was one thing. Being humiliated was totally another.

In spite of himself, Ichigo actually loved the Kuchiki manor. In his rare visits here, he felt at home in spite of its traditional and at times austere air. The garden was stunning and peacefully glittering with firelights. Byakuya and Rukia personally showed him his room.

"If there is anything you need, anything at all, please let me know. My servants are at your disposal."

"Thank you."

Byakuya nodded curtly and Rukia hugged him one more time before they both disappeared down the corridor. Ichigo took a deep breath and then went in search of the bathroom. He refused to think about what had just happened. He need some time just not to think at all, especially not the way he missed the soothing voice. He promised that he would come back with answers later but Ichigo felt abandoned at the moment. When he got out, a white t-shirt and a pair of sweats were on his futon. He gratefully changed and then settled down.

_Don't think about it. Don't think about it. _

But how could he not think? His heart clenched again. _He died_. He died and there was nothing he could do. In spite of acquiring shinigami powers, Ichigo had always hoped that he would turn to have a normal life eventually. He would have liked to become a doctor like his father, one day taking over the clinic. He thought about how many things he had missed in the midst of this entire conflict. How could he possibly look at his sisters tomorrow, smile comforting, and tell them everything would be all right, when he didn't believe one word? Karin had always been able to read him like an open book. She would spot the lies almost instantly.

He got out of the futon and went outside sitting on the porch and looking at the starry sky. Soul Society was going to be his new home and he didn't want it. He just wanted home. He pulled his knees to his chest, resting his cheek on them. His life was gone. He had nothing anymore and he craved for his little house back there, with his garden, Zangetsu, and Hichigo being around. Too many decisions to make, too many responsibilities to undertake. He would do them all, but where was all of this going to leave him?

As if on queue, he heard a noise and raised his head just in time to see Byakuya walking quietly towards him. He was dressed more leisurely, in a dark blue kimono and his raven hair was falling loosely on his shoulders. His all demeanor was more relaxed. His eyes betrayed nothing but nonetheless Ichigo felt them roaming on his body. He straightened up a little.

"You couldn't sleep?" Byakuya finally said, his gravely voice sending shivers down his spine.

"Nope. I guess I am too wired by all the novelties." Ichigo muttered awkwardly, looking stubbornly to the garden and refusing to meet Byakuya's eyes, whose presence he could almost taste. The older man hummed in agreement and settled down next to him, making Ichigo squirm. Now was not the time for this.

"Are you all right?"

"I am dead. What the fuck to you think?" Ichigo snarled and looked almost immediately apologetically at Byakuya. "Sorry, sorry, didn't mean it like that."

"It's all right." Byakuya said in a quiet tone. "I understand." Somehow, this angered Ichigo even more.

"I don't think you do." He replies ruthlessly. "I don't think anyone does, except maybe my dad." He gripped a fistful of hair tugging it harshly. "I am dead. My whole fucking life is gone and it is not fucking fair. I know I will have a full life here, but that's not enough. This," he gestured brusquely at the surrounding are, "is not enough."

Byakuya was looking at him as if he regretted too this twist of events. And who knew, maybe he did, but when those strong arms wrapped around him, all Ichigo could do was to return the strong grip and let his forehead on that strong shoulder.

"It's not fair." He whispered in a broken voice. "It's just so goddamn unfair." He was grateful for Byakuya's tight grip as he tried to come to terms with this life, which had changed all over again.


	8. Pain

**Disclaimer**: Kubo Tite owns Bleach and everything related to it. This is for entertainment purposes only.

**Warning:** _There is going to be one bloody and violent image in this chapter. However, I firmly believe that Ichigo wouldn't come unscathed from the brutal battles he has undergone and he would present at least some PTSD symptoms. In addition, this is probably the most depressing chapter I have written in a while._

* * *

><p><span>Eight<span>

**Pain**

Time passed within drops of infinite little moments. Ichigo felt his breath calm down and Byakuya's marble arms loosen their grip on his body. It took another suite of tiny moments to break away from the warm body that held him with such care. Byakuya was back at wearing his impassive mask, and Ichigo was back at feeling confused and too raw.

"Things are difficult for you, but remember, Kurosaki Ichigo, that you have many friends here in Soul Society that will want to help you."

"Of course." Ichigo nodded in acknowledgement.

"You don't seem very convinced by this." Byakuya looked at him with a certain emotion in his eyes and if Ichigo had felt better, he would have questioned it. As such, he shrugged and ignored the small fluttering of his heart. "However, many people have been more than distressed since you disappeared. My sister has been particularly troubled."

"I know."

There was another moment of silence between the two of them, disrupted only by the noises of the night. Ichigo tried to feel at peace with the new realities of his life but failed miserably. He longed for his fluffy bed in that strange world, for his own garden, for his own porch and the company of his hollow and Zangetsu only.

_It is good to be missed, king._ Hollow's voice was not entirely ironic.

_Oh, shut up_. Ichigo grumbled.

"I am sorry for continuing to add distress to your current situation but there is something else you need to know." There was hesitancy but Byakuya had rarely stopped from doing everything he wanted.

"Is it worse than finding out I'm dead?" Ichigo joked because the tension was palpable again and he could almost feel the throbbing strain in his shoulders.

"I can't be the judge of that." Byakuya's morose voice irritated Ichigo but he let the older man continue: "After I realized that you might be alive, I talked with the commander, and together we went to see Aizen and seek confirmation of our suspicions." Ichigo's whole body was in stand-by now, ready to flee. Instinctively, he knew that he was not going to like what Byakuya was about to say. "In exchange for Aizen's help, we… I agreed to something."

"You made a bargain with Aizen to find me?" Ichigo was glaring at the noble's profile. His stony features had closed off completely. Sometimes lo- no, not that train of thought - sometimes _liking_ this man was a feat in itself.

"Yes."

"What was it?"

"I agreed that once we would find you, we would bring you back to see him. He wanted one more meeting with you."

"You did what?" Ichigo snapped, his anger all over the place. He got up and the noble followed him. Nothing could be read in his eyes and Ichigo's righteous fury did not let him think about it. "Well, isn't that just great, Byakuya? Freaking awesome! Even bargains have been made at my expense."

"We did so because we were trying to find you and bring you back."

"Did it fucking occur to you that I didn't want to be brought back? I didn't want to get back!" Ichigo yelled. "This was one decision that you didn't have to make in my name. On top of that, you promised to the one man that I dislike that you would let him see me. Who gave you the right to decide in my name?"

"Don't act like a stupid child." Byakuya's voice turned colder than a glacier. "I thought that you matured, but you are after all just a selfish brat who thought only about him. Do you think you could have stayed there forever, hiding from your family, ignoring the pain that you have caused?"

"I am a selfish kid?" Ichigo scowled at the shinigami in front of him. "How about the next time some stupid prick with grandiose ideas of power decides to betray Soul Society, _you_ take my part and fight him and turn into a fucking monster and spend the rest of your life away from those you love! I didn't do it because I thought only about me. I thought about _them_ all the time, you arrogant asshole. I thought that I might have hurt them, since I am a monster who can't control his powers. I wanted power to protect my family but now that this power has turned against me, how could I still protect them when they needed protection from _me_?" Ichigo panted balling his fist and hardly controlling his reiatsu. "Nothing changes you, does it? You will always be just a well-oiled machinery with no feelings. It did not occur to you how I would feel if I would meet Aizen again. Anything to reach your purpose." Ichigo sighed again, the anxiety from the last hours taking a toll on him. "I will meet with Aizen to hold your part of the bargain but other than official business, we have nothing more to discuss. Please refrain from speaking to me."

Ignoring the noble man's flinch, Ichigo entered into his room. He stood for a few minutes in the center of it with his balled fists ready to punch someone, although he did not know whom exactly.

_King, he just wanted to find you, like everybody else. Just the means were wrong._

"And whose side are you on?" Ichigo growled. "Because apparently everyone knows what is best for me except myself."

_You do tend to ignore your own person for the benefit of others._ Zangetsu's profound voice rang in his inner world. _While what the noble man did was wrong, you have to give him the benefit of a doubt. _

"I just don't have it in me right now." Ichigo finally sighed settling down in his futon. "I feel so tired and everybody just wants me to be happy and powerful again."

_Because you have always supported them, king. However, they would support you as well, if only you would let them. So, you died. It was expected the moment you stood in front of Aizen performing the ultimate Bankai. Now, stop being a little prissy bitch and deal with it. _

"You are back to your happy self, I see."

_He wouldn't want to see you like this_. The hollow whispered.

"He?"

_The voice, remember? _

"Yes, I know." Drained of energy, Ichigo closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly not aware that both his hollow and his sword had materialized next to him.

_Sleep, king. We will be watching over you._ The hollow whispered and passed his fingers through the orange locks. Zangetsu stayed next to the hollow with sadness in his eyes. In Ichigo's inner world, there was rain again.

"If he continues like this…" The hollow began and then stopped, not knowing how to continue. What was he to say anyways? Zangetsu's shoulders tensed even more. They remained in silence, watching Ichigo sleep and trying to keep at bay the nightmares that would follow. While the voice had protected Ichigo from having any, now he was back in Soul Society and there was no one to defend him anymore.

_The field was vast and empty, the grass a shade of black with blue hues. A sharp wind was blowing and Ichigo felt it clawing at his clothes. His sword was red with blood and yet he did not see any of its victims. Alone. He was completely alone in that vastness. _

_Unexpectedly, a figure appeared, lying in the glass as if they were sleeping. Ichigo approached them, a sinking feeling in his stomach. As he took a few steps, more and more bodies appeared lying all around him covered in blood with their eyes widened in horror, as if they had faced their darkest nightmares before dying and the nightmares had won. He did not know any of them, but soon the field was so full of bodies that their rotten flesh had begun to stink. _

_Ichigo stopped a few times, trying to catch his breath. No matter how hard he kept his hand against his nose, the smell surrounded him, creeping in silently, choking him with its sweet rotten flagrance. The bodies were piling up and now there was no other way to move except to step on them. Ichigo's hands were shaking badly. He tried to call for Zangetsu or his hollow but none of them had answered. He was all alone. _

_Suddenly a red light crept around the bodies getting stronger and stronger until a metal throne appeared in the middle of the bodies with a sickly crunch of bones and meat smashed in that hideous grass. Aizen was looking at him with a spine-chilling smile on his distorted face. _

"_I told you I would win." He waved his hand and around the throne, the bodies of his family and his friends appeared. "You did such a good job. My perfect little monster."_

_Ichigo's eyes widened in horror, as he tried to grasp the meaning of the man's words._

"_I didn't- I couldn't-" _

"_Really? But whose hands are bloody? Whose sword is tainted with their blood?"_

_He looked down at his hands, and surely enough, they were covered in blood. Dread, guilt, and infinite self-hate flooded his veins. He let the sword fall on one of the bodies, no sound escaping in the terrifying world. Surely, it wasn't him, but then why were his hands covered in blood, soaking into his clothes? He did not remember, he did not remember but then… Was he insane? Was this hell? Did he deserve hell?_

"_What do you mean if you deserve hell?" Aizen evil voice penetrated the panic clouding his head. "Where exactly do you think that little monsters such as yourself go, Kurosaki Ichigo?" The smile had disappeared completely. "This hell is mine as well as yours and I will make you drink their blood, boy, so that you can finally understand that you are a monster. You are a complete monster!"_

"Ichigo!" Sharp pain as if being slapped made Ichigo open his eyes just in time to see Rukia's horrified face in front of him. He was hyperventilating, the sheets choking him, invisible hands trying to suffocate him, hold him down until he would completely disappear. He scurried further away from his futon, pressing tightly against the wall.

"Ichigo, please calm down. You're safe now." Rukia said gently trying to touch him reassuringly, but at Ichigo's flinch, she dropped her hand.

"What happened?" He tried to speak but everything felt wrong. Razorblades were clogging his throat, the vivid images from his nightmares making him shiver.

"You were screaming, Kurosaki." Byakuya's careful voice made Ichigo raise his head in time to see the noble man at the door, not daring to come in. His elegant hands were fisted and Ichigo wondered if he had slept at all. "As if you were being tortured."

"I see." He whispered. His t-shirt was drenched in sweat. He passed his fingers through his flattened locks, trying to control the shaking. It was without any result. His whole body was trembling, the images kept swirling in his head.

_Stop thinking about it, King. It was just a nightmare_. His hollow's voice was very concerned.

"I'm trying but it's not working." Ichigo snapped, his voice breaking.

"You're trying what?" Rukia asked confused.

"I was talking to my hollow."

"Did he do this to you?" She asked cautiously.

Ichigo laughed humorless.

"No, Rukia. _I_ did this to myself." He frowned to Byakuya's prone figure at his door, not daring to enter. "I'm all right now. You may leave."

"You're ok?" Rukia said unable to contain herself. "Seriously, you screamed like someone was torturing under this very roof and you are telling me that you're fine now? Are you out of your mind?"

"Rukia," Byakuya's snappish tone echoed in the room, "I think that Kurosaki needs to rest and not be pestered with questions. Should he choose otherwise, he would tell you more in the morning. Let him get back to sleep now."

"But, nii-sama-"

"Come."

Ichigo opened his mouth to stop them but then closed it quickly, remembering what he told Byakuya just a few hours ago.

"Are you sure you are ok? Do you want me to stay a little longer with you?" Rukia asked softly from the door, but Ichigo shook his head.

"It's ok. I will be fine."

As soon as they closed the door, he sank in his futon trying to shake those images away, but the more fervently he tried to do so, the more insidiously they crept back into his consciousness, killing the small peace he had gathered since he came back to Soul Society.

He did not sleep for the rest of the night.

In the morning, after breakfast, Rukia and captain Ukitake waited for him as they were the ones accompanying him into the real world. By now, Ichigo was dressed in a simple shinigami uniform, but his orange hair lacked its usual spiky nature and beneath his eyes, dark smudges were reminding anyone of the previous night.

The gate opened closely to their house, on a taller building. Ichigo looked melancholically around him, drinking in the beauty of the Karakura town. The sun was sparkling playfully in the water of the river making everything look full of life.

Except him.

"Ichigo, are you coming?"

He slowly nodded to his friend and walked towards his home. His former home.

His father and his sisters were waiting for him in the living room, their eyes red and puffy, Yuzu still wearing black. The moment they stepped in, Ichigo swallowed a pill that Ukitake-san gave him and immediately he was visible for everybody in the room. Both his sisters gasped when they saw him, but surprisingly, Karin cracked first.

"Ichi-nii." That was all she whispered and yet in those small words there was so much pain that Ichigo could not stop himself. He just raised his hands and reached for the both of them crying as much as his sisters did as they ran into his arms. They hang on to him with all their strength. It was the most twisted way they could have mourned for their brother.

Isshin cried silently as well, uselessly keeping his children into his larger arms. He would not be able to keep his son from walking away from them again and this time no one knew for how long. Rukia was crying too, overwhelmed by the love and sadness filling that room, while Ukitake-san discretely inhaled deeply.

They cried for a while and then settled on the couch trying to talk so more but everything was useless. His sisters kept constantly his hands in theirs, and Isshin looked harried, unable to come up with any subject to discuss. After a while, silence settled down in the room, darkening everything with its gloom.

"We have to go, Kurosaki-kun." Ukitake-san finally whispered and the tension went up a notch. Ichigo's back stiffened even more as his sisters began to cry again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he gathered them into his arms again.

"Please, onii-chan, don't go." Yuzu wailed. "Just a little longer, onii-chan. Please."

"I can't, Yuzu. I have to go." His voice cracked. "I promise I will come to visit you soon."

"But you could stay a little longer, Ichi-nii," Karin begged.

"Please, don't make this more difficult than it already is." He hugged them tightly again, before letting them go. They tried to keep into their arms, not wanting to let, and he would have probably caved if his father had not intervened, hugging them and making them let go of Ichigo.

"Come on, girls, you knew this was going to happen."

Ichigo kissed them both on their cheeks and then suddenly took off, ignoring their hopeless cries. He did not stop until he reached the top of the building where the gate had opened. He fell on his knees, crying his heart out.

He had been just an eighteen-year-old kid with big dreams of protecting the people around him. He had needed that power after his mother had died. It felt like his life had been lost to him the moment he decided to take upon himself the duties of a shinigami. Now he has lost his family, the very reason for which he had acquired so much power. He made his sisters cry, he made them suffer.

"I want back!" He howled, hitting the ground with his fists. "I want it back! I want it back! Give me back my life!" Tears of frustration and hurt washed his face as wave after wave of pain hit him.

After all this blood shed, after all these hardships and after all the sacrifices made, who was going to protect him now? He needed someone else to be strong for him. He was sick and tired to be the only one to save all the others. It made him sick to remember the tears of his sisters. Unfortunately, the whole power from the whole world couldn't make him strong enough to resist his sisters' tears. He felt constricted within his own skin, unparallel grief chewing at his soul. Was he ever going to be happy again? Was he ever not going to feel like he might die a little inside every day?

He didn't know how long he stayed there, on that roof, yelling and crying, but it took a while to accept Rukia's helping hand as she reached for him and hugged him tightly from behind. She and Ukitake-san made sure he arrived safely at Byakuya's manor as soon as they arrived back in Soul Society.

Rukia washed Ichigo's hands and healed them properly before putting him back to sleep, trying to hide her tears at seeing Ichigo's blank face. The young man refused to acknowledge anyone else. He changed into comfortable clothes and closed his eyes, unwilling to fall asleep.

When Rukia finally left him alone, Ichigo opened his eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling.

_I leave you alone for a few days and you are already crumbling_. An unexpected kind voice resounded in the room. _What am I going to do with you?_ It continued as Ichigo's eyes widened in delight. _You surely would be lost without me._

"You're back." Ichigo gasped and suddenly felt wrapped up in the purest affection and kindness.

_I am back. _


	9. Progress

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, though I would not mind owning Ichigo. Alas, Kubo Tite is the rightful owner of _Bleach_ and anything related to it.

Nine

**Progress**

When Rukia finally left him alone, Ichigo opened his eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling.

_I leave you alone for a few days and you are already crumbling_. An unexpected kind voice resounded in the room. _What am I going to do with you?_ It continued as Ichigo's eyes widened in delight. _You surely would be lost without me._

"You're back." Ichigo gasped and suddenly felt wrapped up in the purest affection and kindness.

_I am back. _

"What took you so long? Why didn't you come sooner?"

_I could not. It takes me so much power just to be here right now. I might disappear any second._

"Don't, please!" Ichigo exclaimed alarmed. "Take me back! I want back!"

_I can't and I wouldn't, even if I could_. The voice sounded far more serious than ever before. Ichigo's betrayed heart almost stilled in his chest and the voice turned a little kinder. _You would not have made it there, Ichigo. Eventually your memories would have started to fade; slowly the loved ones would fly away from your heart and soul like wandering birds. Then you would not have recognized your hollow or Zangetsu. Then your soul would have disappeared completely._

"Why are you telling me this?"

_Because Ichigo, I have never seen a soul more beautiful than yours. It shines to me in such a way that it melts everything, the boundaries of the worlds disappearing. I wish you could see the beauty of it, its light._

"But you know what I have done, what I have become."

_Do not let it define you. What was your ultimate purpose?_

"To protect the people I love." Ichigo answered without hesitation and he could almost touch the smile when the voice spoke again.

_See? This is what you must not forget. The reason you have become a shinigami. I hate to see you like this, but I want you to start building your life here. _

"But I don't know what to do." Ichigo muttered.

_Another chance is given to you, Ichigo. Embrace it and don't squander it. Let the people that love you and respect you be there for you. Let yourself free from the painful memories. Forgive and forget._

"You think I should meet with Aizen," the young shinigami sounded reproachful and for a moment, silence engulfed the entire room. He could still feel the presence of the voice, pensively weighing its next words.

_I don't want you to, but I think it would be advisable. However, take your time, do it when you are ready. I... and then... start living your life…_

"I can't hear you anymore. Please!" Ichigo exclaimed but the voice was gone. He could feel, as the fleeting peace was gone too. He was alone again. Ichigo got up from the bed and made his way for the bathroom, his stomach twisting in a painful way. He hugged the bowl though nothing but bile would come.

When nothing was left and the wretches have finally subsided, Ichigo lay on the floor, looking at the ceiling. The words of the voice resonated within his heart. He could still remember his hunger for power, constantly growing. The stronger the enemies were, the stronger he wanted to be. It did not matter how many times he had to bleed in order to get it, it did not matter how many times he lost a piece of his soul. The knowledge that he was doing the right thing was fixed within the deepest chords of his soul. Even when he looked down at Aizen's defeated stance, even when he saw enemies disappearing, he knew that his ultimate goal was protecting the people that he cared about.

Wallowing in self-pity was not going to cut it.

So he died. Things like this happened all the time. If he was still here whining, about what has become his soul, who was protecting the people that he cared about? What about all those ghosts that he has seen since he was little? All those children to whom he brought flowers and tried to help move beyond, all those mothers crying because they couldn't be there for their children, all those fathers and sons who couldn't offer their strength to their families. All those people needed Ichigo's help. So what if the war had ended? Hollows were still out there, he was still needed, and he still needed to make the world a safer place for his sisters.

Ichigo got up determined. He washed his face and looked in the mirror. His drawn face and dark blue shades under his eyes were not exactly commendable. He would go back and sleep and then come morning he would have to start his new life. After all, people still depended on him.

_The room had dark walls, a grey mist surrounding his legs. He could not see the floor but he instinctively knew he did not really want that. He tried to move but his legs were pinned, an incredible force keeping him still. There was the same fowl smell like in his previous dream. It made him sick to his stomach._

_Suddenly a door appeared on his left side. He still did not have Zangetsu and the Hollow was a goner, and as the door opened each fiber of his body screamed in tension, keeping him alert. When Ulquiorra finally appeared on the threshold, Ichigo's breath hitched. The first person who actually taught him what despair truly meant. But the green eyes of the Arrancar held nothing but confusion._

"_What are you doing here?" He asked in his monotone voice as he closed the door with a panicked look in his eyes. "You were not supposed to be here._

"_Here where?"_

"_Don't pretend that you don't know." Ulquiorra looked critically at Ichigo. "You look horrible."_

"_Thanks a lot. You would too, if people kept killing you."_

"_I suppose." Ulquiorra stepped in front of him looking pensive. "How is Inoue Orihime?"_

"_She is all right, I guess. Doing her crazy cooking, most likely."_

_Ulquiorra nodded in acknowledgement but other than that, he did not say anything else. He kept staring at Ichigo as if he was weighing something. _

"_You know you annoy me if you keep it like this, right?" Ichigo's hands started to twitch as if he wanted to bring Zangetsu in this room with the sheer force of his will. _

"_You have always been easily distracted. I suppose it is within your human nature. I must ask you again: why are you here?"_

"_I really don't know what you mean. This place is in my dream. You are the one actually in the wrong place."_

"_What? You dream now of belonging to Camara Oscura?_

"_What is that?"_

"_Where do you think all those hollows and Arrancars that you have defeated go?" Ulquiorra looked him in the eyes assessing him and then in the coldest of tones said. "You don't belong here, Kurosaki. You never had."_

"_I am a monster just like you."_

"_Well, then you are a very pitiful being if you believe so." And probably, if Ulquiorra had really known how, he would have rolled his eyes. There was a distinct harshness about him when he added. "Now you must go." _

Suddenly, Ichigo opened his eyes just to see Byakuya's brows furrow in worry as he leaned above him.

"What are you doing here?" He rasped and almost immediately found himself with a glass of water in his shaking hand, Byakuya gently helping him. The nobleman was dressed in a white robe, his raven locks falling free and easy on his shoulders. He looked like he was tired and Ichigo wondered briefly if he was the cause of it.

"You reiatsu was distressed. I thought you had another nightmare and came to see if you were all right."

"Oh, I'm sorry for disturbing you." He answered as he rested his head on the pillow once again. "I just had the weirdest dream."

Byakuya settled better next to the futon as he glanced hesitantly at Ichigo and the young man found that very unsettling. Byakuya Kuchiki was the most poised person he has ever come to know and to see him hesitate about something could surely be considered unnatural.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He finally asked in his gruff voice and Ichigo let it melt away his insecurities.

"Is there such a thing like Camara Oscura?"

"Yes, supposedly it is the place where the souls of the hollows and Arrancars go when they are killed. The 12th division has not been able to find any proof of its existence. The world of the souls is extremely complicated and the map of it has yet to be completed. Its dimensions surely pose greater problems to our King than to the shinigamis, although we still fight to keep its barriers from falling." Byakuya stopped when he finally noticed that Ichigo had a small smile on his lips. The older man shifted a little embarrassed.

"I like the way you talk about things." Ichigo blurted, flushing a little. "And you always explain things with far more details than anyone expects it." He smiles a little feeling comfortable in Byakuya's presence.

"How do you know about Camara Oscura?" The older shinigami asked in soft voice as if he did not want to disturb the peace that had set so swiftly between them.

"I dreamed of it. Probably this is why my reiatsu was distressed. It wasn't exactly a welcoming place." Ichigo looked up at the ceiling. "I met Ulquiorra there. He seemed ok, and told me that I don't belong there and that I should leave."

"Of course you don't belong there." Byakuya's voice resonated around the room, its fierceness surprising Ichigo. He looked back at the older man whose eyes were hard again. "You don't belong anywhere near those monsters. I know that you have doubts regarding your own humanity, Kurosaki, but you are taking the things too far." In an unprecedented gesture, Byakuya cupped Ichigo's face between his large hands and continued just as fierce as if he was on a battlefield. "There are very few things of which I am certain in this world, but I have never doubted your humanity and your honor, Kurosaki Ichigo."

"You know I have my doubts."

"I know, but rest assured that I will do anything to quench those doubts." As if suddenly realizing how unbecoming his posture was, Byakuya let go of Ichigo's face and settled back.

"Why is it so important to you?" Ichigo whispered, overwhelmed by the sudden tension in the room.

"I want to see you grinning like a fool again."

"I am a fool?"

"Yes, you are." Byakuya seemed to see something that only he could capture as he whispered. "It unsettles me when I don't see your old self again, the annoying self-confident brat. And the fact that this unsettles me makes me even more apprehensive."

"Only you can twist a compliment to sound more like an insult than anything else." Ichigo snorted but it made him feel better. Ever since he came back, he avoided being much in Byakuya's presence. His confession from before disappearing still floated between them, but he appreciated the fact that the head of the Kuchiki clan avoided the conversion like plague.

"If I started to praise you more often, you would think that I am going out of my mind."

"It would be the end of the world." Ichigo mumbled, smiling a little as his eyes began to close again. "I feel tired again."

"Then sleep. It will make you feel better."

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" He whispered, hating that his voice sounded so weak.

"Naturally."

Ichigo was almost asleep when he felt Byakuya's elegant fingers pass through his hair. The simple movement lured him even more towards the realm of sleep.

"Are you caressing me?" He mumbled.

"Yes."

"'s nice."

By the time he woke up again, Byakuya had left, but he felt grateful towards his host. Byakuya had been last night the way he wanted him to be and he felt happy that the older man had been next to him when he woke up from that dream. He wished he could have the voice next to him, but he knew that at the moment he was compelled to manage on his own. And the first step was to stop whining.

He showered and dressed in his shinigami uniform before going to have breakfast with the Kuchiki siblings, who as soon as they saw him in the dining room, looked at him as if he had grown another head.

"What?" He scowled. "I hope you didn't think that I would stay there for the rest of my days."

"No, but we expected some more days filled with angst and self-pity issues." Byakuya mocked him and both Ichigo and Rukia looked like he came from another world.

"Of course you would." Ichigo sat at the table and immediately a servant offered him something to eat. "Well, I'm done with that."

"How are your hands?" Rukia asked kindly.

"They're great. You have done a great job. They are almost healed. Listen," he continued as he started eating, "I thought that I should maybe sign for the Shinigami Academy."

"I hope that by then, you would have learnt to resist from speaking with your mouth full or else, they would kick you out for bad manners only." Byakuya continued in his normal tone and it made Ichigo scowl playfully at him.

"Relax, I do this only to annoy you. Look, the point is I don't want to be part of any division yet, and I still have a lot of things to learn about being a shinigami. I wouldn't mind learning some Kido either."

"You want to learn Kido?" Rukia's disbelieving voice rattled Ichigo.

"Yes, why not?" As his friend continued to smirk at him, he scowled harder. "Look, midget, just because I am always the brawn here, doesn't mean I don't have the brains to match them."

"Right. And who are you calling a midget anyways? Are you disrespecting me in my own house?"

"Since I have saved your damn ass more than I could count, I'd say it's an earned right."

"I saved your ass too."

"Enough with the talk about asses." Byakuya intervened and the way he said it with such seriousness made both Ichigo and Rukia burst into laughter instantly. "Is this what I am to expect from now on, Kurosaki? Annoying my sister and disturbing my breakfast?"

"Well, annoying you is definitely a perk for me, Byakuya." Ichigo grinned cheekily at the man but the raven-haired man narrowed his eyes.

"Maybe I should reconsider my offer. I believe that you have out welcomed your stay here."

"Nah, I sincerely doubt it. I mean, this manor is definitely a boring place without me. I think I'll stay here just to spite you. And you couldn't throw me out anyways. Can you imagine what people would say about you if you threw out the savior of Soul Society?" Ichigo gasped theatrically. "The horror! The dishonor!" Rukia giggled as Ichigo finally finished his breakfast. "So as I as saying, I have to have a word with the old man and make some arrangements."

"Old man?"

"Yamamoto-san."

"You dare to call our supreme commander 'old man'?"

"Actually you are all ancient to me." Ichigo grinned evilly at them. "Mummies-like the lot of you."

"It is good to see you are back to your annoying self, Kurosaki."

"Anything for you, Byakuya. Now," he stood up, "I really need to get going. Talk to you later."

He got out of the room before someone could say anything else. He sighed heavily as he got out of the manor. Being his old self was exhausting but if he could pretend long enough and the others played along with him, then maybe one day this whole game of make-believe might become a reality again. He did not want to give up. The voice was right. It was time to use this second chance.

The supreme commander was more than happy to help Ichigo attend the academy and he actually told him that he was happy he did not take any rash decision. Ichigo felt a little overwhelmed by the support everyone was trying to give him, how accommodating they all were and although the attention was stifling, he tried to be polite with everyone, ignoring their looks of awe.

It was almost lunch when he returned to the Kuchiki manor, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the novelties in his life. He was informed that both Rukia and Byakuya were back at their respective divisions and that he would eat alone. After that, he settled on the porch where a man caught his eyes. It took him just a few seconds to realize that the man was Byakuya's gardener and before he knew what he was doing, he went straight to the man.

The man bowed immediately upon seeing him and it took all his power not to roll his eyes.

"May I help?" Ichigo asked smiling a little.

"Please, master, it is unbecoming of you. I can do all the work." The man's voice trembled a little.

"I am not your master and I am not some nobleman."

"Kuchiki-dono told us to show you the same respect with which we treat him." The words made Ichigo's eyes widen in surprise.

"Then let us say you disrespect me by not letting me help you." Ichigo replied and the man blanched. Instantly Ichigo's voice softened. "What is your name?"

"Atsushi, Kurosaki-dono."

"Ok, Atsushi-san, I promise that I would speak with Byakuya about working with you. For now though, please let me help you. I really need this."

There was something almost needy in Ichigo's voice, as if he might actually break if he didn't do some gardening so the old man finally nodded and let Ichigo sink to the ground next to him. He explained what they were supposed to do and for the next few hours, both he and Ichigo did not exchange other words.

For the orange haired young man, the task was welcoming, easing his way into not thinking about the voice or its disappearance or the impeding meeting that he might have with Aizen. It felt good just to let his hands grab the slightly damp soil and shape it the way he wanted it, its texture soothing his anxiousness. The raw flagrance and its richness made Ichigo mile more than once.

Perhaps this is why it took him so long to realize that Renji was standing next to him completely gaping like a mumbling baboon.

"You are gardening." The red haired shinigami finally said, making Ichigo scowling.

"Not shit, Sherlock!"

"No, seriously, you are gardening." Awe melted like candy in his mouth.

"Have you come here to state the obvious or is there something you want to tell me?"

"Sorry," Renji smiled sheepishly this time, a teasing light in his eyes. "It's just this is probably the strangest thing you have ever done."

"I don't know about that." Ichigo matched the teasing tone of his friend. "Remember that party at Yumichika's place? I have done some pretty weird things back then."

"That party was wicked, man. Rangiku still doesn't let me to live that down. And every once in a while she smirks evilly at me and exchanges some glance with Hisagi that make me want to crawl under something."

"I really don't want to remember that whole night. My first time."

"Your what?" Renji yelled as Ichigo flushed everywhere, aware of how that might have sounded.

"Drinking sake, stupid pineapple head. Get your mind out of the gutter!"

Renji smacked him over the head.

"Who are you calling a pineapple, damn strawberry?"

"I-m calling-"

Both Ichigo and Renji tensed at the same time when the atmosphere suddenly crackled with tension. There was something fowl floating through the air and the emptiness that came with it made both men look at each other.

"How many?" Ichigo asked.

"Two. Three tops."

"It's far away from us but if we can feel them, it means they are pretty powerful."

"Let's go!" Renji said and Ichigo followed his friend instinctively, ignoring his dread. He was about to fight again. It was too soon. Way too soon.

* * *

><p><em>AN: If anyone is interested in why I haven't updated in a while and in my pitiful excuses for my non-existent updates, they can check my profile. I am not satisfied at all with this chapter but I really can't do better than this at the moment (which says a lot about my deplorable state). So once again I apologize for its crapiness (can this be a word?) and for all those spelling and grammar mistakes that I know still linger even after I have proof- read this more than once. _


	10. Acknowledgement

**Disclaimer**: This is definitely redundant, as everybody knows Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_ and everything related to it. And I am one of the many who don't own squat.

Ten

**Acknowledgement**

There have been very few things in his life, which have left him completely scared. There have been very few fears that have stayed constant with him throughout his life: the fear that he might not be able to protect his family, that he would fail the way he did with his mother; the fear that he might not be unsuccessful in saving and protecting Rukia the way she deserved. He feared that Byakuya would never respond to his feelings, that he would be alone. So alone. And then the fear that he might fail to control himself, to keep that beast inside of him until he would create the strongest prison for it and let it rot in there. That final fear had never left him. Now it was filling him with poisonous doubts, making him falter in his way to get there.

The burning sensation that it was too soon was firing his synapses, making his yielding of the sword falter. Despite the fact that he had promised himself that he would stop wallowing in self-pity, his bitter doubts were lingering like fragile moths around a flame. However, his fear was waning in light of the need to protect people, to use his power for good, even if he would still turn into a monster.

In the light of the new revelation, it took him only a second to realize that a pleasant hum filled his veins, his blood pumping deliriously happy for the anticipated action. Flash stepping, his body felt the familiarity of a routine almost forgotten, both Zangetsu and the hollow more than excited for a bit of action. Any fear of being everything too soon melted under the power of the intoxicating burn inside his body. Everything screamed at him that it was time to put up a fight, that it was time to face everything, and that hiding was not going to solve anything.

"Are you sure you should be doing this?" Renji yelled at him but Ichigo ignored him. No, he was not sure of anything, much less now but the spiritual pressure coming from those hollows was bigger than he remembered and he knew that people might need him.

When they finally arrived on the battle scene, Ichigo was surprised to notice so many people scattered around, some bloodied already.

"Damn it, looks like the third division did a bang up job!" Renji screamed annoyed as he slammed his sword in one of the enemies. "Goddamn it, why are there so many people here?"

Ichigo took Zangetsu in his hand and looked around assessing the situation. Three shinigamis almost dead, seven wounded, innocent people scattered around and yelling, some crying, all begging for a chance to be saved. He felt an angry buzz filling his ears. His hand clasped his sword tighter. _Protect, protect, protect_. The mantra was born in a sudden moment, pressing its power into Ichigo's body and mind, crashing everything in its release until nothing was left except the wish to fight and protect those people.

_We are with you, King. _His hollow whispered gently and that was the final drop, Ichigo sprung into action as if the end of the world was coming and he had to do something. He yielded the sword in self-righteousness. He had not sacrificed so many things, including his life and his sanity just so he would stand by and watch people getting hurt just because he was afraid he might blow up. He twisted and turned so fast that the first two hollows had no chance in front of him.

It felt good. It felt so good that unexpectedly a smile blossomed on Ichigo's face. His energy was all over the place and more hollows fell prayed to it.

"Come on, you red haired failure!" He cajoled Renji as his friend's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "What are you waiting for? We need to save some people, so stop playing around!"

"Looks who's talking! I already killed three hollows! How many have you?"

"Five and counting, big guy! I am so going to win this round and then I'm telling Byakuya what a loser of a lieutenant he has."

"After this is done," Renji spluttered as his Zabimaru killed another hollow, "you and me are going to have a long and nice conversation about the shit you're spewing. Preferably with our swords, Mr. Gardener Man!"

"Now you're just playing with me, Renji!" Ichigo laughed and it felt brilliant to be so free all of the sudden, his hands twisting and grabbing, pulling and stretching. They danced around the hollows like they were master puppeteers and the poor savaged souls some simple puppets to be toyed with. Before they knew it, all the hollows were dead at their hands.

Ichigo's ragged breath was echoing in his ears, the adrenaline flushing richly through his veins. His hand had not hesitated once. He looked around as he saw more shinigamis from the fourth division starting to appear.

"That was great!" Renji exclaimed overjoyed looking at Ichigo with bright eyes and the substitute shinigami realized how much the lieutenant of the sixth division must have feared that he was not going to have his friend back. "It was great, wasn't it?" He asked for confirmation and Ichigo could not help but grin back.

"It was! It really was!"

"You are one damn fine shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo." Renji said quietly and Ichigo looked surprised at him, but his friend was not meeting his eyes. He was looking in the distance as if he was afraid that too much emotion was going to scare his friend off.

"Thank you, Renji."

They were still in the air, suspended above everyone else, looking towards the sunset, the wind blowing softly, caressing their colorful hair, and a weird and wonderful peace surrounding them. Ichigo heard his friend sigh heavily before reluctant words left his lips.

"I swear I'm going to kill you if you repeat to anybody else what I'm going to say."

"I hope you're not going to confess your big gay love for me, you monkey." Ichigo joked trying to lighten the mood unexpectedly charged with questionable emotions.

"Nah, I know you save your strawberry ass for someone else." Renji retorted and Ichigo flushed so heavily that he almost smacked his friend but Renji's eyes turned serious. "I'm just going to say this just this once so pay fucking attention."

"Fine, you asshole! What is it so important?"

"If you ever and I really mean _ever_ consider that you are a danger to us and fucking disappear before we have a chance to say or do anything, I swear I will find you and torture you. Probably kill you, have that Orihime woman resurrect you and then kill you again just so I feel vindicated. What was that crap that you pulled on us?" Ichigo flinched as if he had been punched but Renji couldn't care less. "You didn't want to be found. Do you have any idea what was it like for us, thinking that we didn't do anything for you, thinking that you took the worst of the battle and we couldn't even goddamn protect you? Just once. Do you have any idea how powerless we felt, how empty you left us?"

"Renji-"

"Don't fucking Renji me!" His friend snarled as he gripped tight Ichigo's uniform, almost spitting in his face. "Protect my ass! You selfish prick! You watch a friend," Renji's voice chocked on sudden emotion, "a _brother_ disappear, and then you can talk big all you want! Sometimes you just have to let us do something for you too."

"Protect your ass, Renji?" Ichigo smiled. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you truly have a gay love to confess."

"You asshole!" Renji slumped, his forehead touching Ichigo's shoulder. "We were having a moment here."

"I know." The young shinigami smiled softly as he patted his friend on the shoulder. "I love you too, you bastard. In a totally platonic, non-gay, often obnoxious way."

"See if I ever confess my love for you again." Renji muttered as he raised his head, his eyes full of a gentleness that was rarely seen.

"Too late now. I have just found out what a big softie you are. You can't fool me now, Monkey Man."

Renji sighed again, before finally grinning maniacally.

"I think that Zabimaru and I should teach you to respect your elders. Preferably for good."

"Seriously, you're going to pull that one on me? Even Byakuya failed to do so. I'm afraid there is no chance in hell that you can-"

An abrupt pressure stopped Ichigo and he almost smelled the tension radiating from his friend. They looked around assuming a fighting position again. The people below them were starting to get anxious again, the air vibrating with fear and apprehension. The roar of a Menos Grande suddenly echoed around them and both Ichigo and Renji looked troubled to see it. They were about to use their swords when suddenly cherry petals flew past them in a murderous swirl and ended the soul abomination before he could cause further damage. Almost instantly, Byakuya's spiritual pressure engulfed them before he unexpectedly appeared in front of them.

"We could have handled it." Ichigo scowled, aware that most of it was a lie. Fighting low-grade hollows was one thing, fighting a Menos Grande so soon was in a league of its own. "There was no need to intervene."

"Don't underestimate what I am willing to do to keep you safe." Byakuya spoke softly. It took a few moments for Ichigo to register the words, but when he finally caught their meaning, he smiled in delight. "Evidently, this wouldn't have happened if you two chuckle heads hadn't decided to have a discussion in the middle of the battle field." Yeah, leave it to Byakuya to turn a compliment into an insult within the span of two seconds. His granite eyes raked carefully the both of them before adding. "Now Abarai would be a good time to apologize for your slip and get down there to see how you can offer your assistance."

"Of course, sir. I apologize. I will get down there straight away." Ichigo snickered but at one twitch of perfect eyebrow from Byakuya, he immediately stopped.

"Oh, and Abarai?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Good job at upholding the name of our division."

"Thank you, sir."

"Did you just compliment Renji?" Ichigo exclaimed as soon as his friend left, disbelief tainting his every word.

"I am not made of stone, Kurosaki. I can very well appreciate the value of the men and women under my command."

"I didn't say you don't appreciate them. I'm just saying you don't seem like the type to be vocal about it."

"Indeed, I am not." Byakuya gazed around them. "Come on, it is time for dinner and we will keep Rukia waiting if we don't hurry."

"You know all the people who serve under your command, don't you?" Ichigo snickered a little but following Byakuya. He did not need to be conversed with at the moment.

"Of course I do. I don't see what could possible warrant the disbelief that I feel in your words."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to offend you. It's just you always speak about your upbringing and honor and pride and being a noble that I thought you considered knowing your people underneath you."

"I have been brought up with the knowledge that I am on a superior position within this society. It has always stood for what and who I am. I can't change myself so easily, Kurosaki."

Ichigo stopped abruptly right in front of the manor. The two guards pointedly did not look at them as Byakuya faced Ichigo. A weak flutter in his stomach made Ichigo swallow hard.

"Why would you want to change? And for that matter why do you think _I_ want you to change?"

Byakuya's face closed off as he looked at the guards. "Please, withdraw yourselves. You will be called back in a moment."

"Yes, Kuchiki-dono."

As soon as they were left alone, the older man seemed for a moment at a loss for words. He inhaled deeply before looking at Ichigo.

"While I know that my behavior towards you has been mostly abhorrent, you can't possibly imagine that your words have left me unchanged." The captain must have seen Ichigo's immense disbelief because he continued a little more passionate. And _ha_, _passionate_, no one would believe Ichigo if he told them he could use this word to describe Byakuya right now. "I understand your reluctance when it comes to my person. It is not unreasonable. But I want you to know that I'm trying, Ichigo." His named was whispered softly, almost like a prayer.

"What exactly are you trying, Byakuya?"

"This." The noble man waved his elegant hand between the two of them.

"I'm still confused. You're trying to accept my presence in your house? Because I could move, I can ask-"

"No, I don't want you to move." Byakuya answered immediately obviously frustrated with Ichigo's thickness. "You are more than welcome in my house and on any other Kuchiki property."

"Then what?"

"I'm trying to be more humane." Ichigo looked bewildered at Byakuya, the noble's face a perfect structure of bones and skin, warmed by the fading rays of the sun. And so opened.

"Byakuya, you are more humane than many people I know." Ichigo spoke gently, but without a shadow of a doubt, his heart and soul also opened. It was like a power drive that suddenly made the captain take the few steps between the two of them and breathe in the scent of them sharing the same space. Ichigo was dizzy with the overwhelming pleasure of having Byakuya so close to him. One of the nobleman's hands reached for his face, cupping gently his cheek and Ichigo's eyes fluttered in pleasure. His thumb caressed the young man's cheek unhurriedly.

"You are the brightest soul I have ever seen, Kurosaki Ichigo." Byakuya whispered, resting his forehead on Ichigo. "And I find myself lacking."

Ichigo stood rooted to the spot, one hand resting of its own accord on Byakuya's small back. He did not understand what had just happened, a million questions swirling in his mind. Nevertheless, he knew that asking them would mean to approach the topic that he had avoided so long. And he was far from being ready to discuss his feelings and his confession before almost dying. So he stood there in front of the manor, with the mighty Byakuya Kuchiki looking like an Atlas shrugged in the fading day.

Time stood still. For once, the silence between the two of them did not need to be filled. It screamed too much for unrequited feelings, confusion, and fear of what this might mean for the both of them. But at the same time, oddly enough, it comforted Ichigo. He was not alone anymore. When they finally stepped into the manor, something had changed. And although Ichigo wasn't the brightest tool in the shed, he knew that it had everything to do with that moment back in time, when he thought he had nothing to lose anymore.

While having a quiet dinner with Rukia looking in disbelief at both of them, Ichigo remembered the words of the voice. _Another chance is given to you, Ichigo. Embrace it and don't squander it. Let the people that love you and respect you be there for you. Let yourself free from the painful memories. Forgive and forget. _Maybe he should be trying too.

The following days were spent in training and gardening, with little contact with Byakuya. They were not avoiding each other but they were not keen in meeting either. However, in the morning of his first day at the Academy Byakuya waited for him and talked about the etiquette and what he should or shouldn't do. And Ichigo felt grateful, especially when he entered the great hall.

The auditorium was a great hall furnished to match the basic requirements for the people who had come to study there. He knew he was drawing attention as he was the only person there not wearing the uniform. He would have been a hypocrite doing so. After all, most of the things taught there were part of his knowledge already. The future shinigamis there were trying not to stare blatantly at him, but they were failing miserably and their whispers were definitely not so conspicuous.

Ichigo ignored them, sitting at the back of the auditorium, isolated from the others. When the professor had finally entered, he felt more than ready to begin the course. The teacher looked like a middle-aged man, but who knew how many hundreds of years have passed since he became a shinigami. He checked their names to make sure everyone was attending and then droned on about the amount of work that they were supposed to do and how many sacrifices they had to make for the honor and duty of being a shinigami.

Ichigo's thoughts drifted away when suddenly the teacher looked up directly at him and Ichigo found himself staring back, almost defiantly.

"Kurosaki-san," the man began, "while I know that you asked to be treated like any other student here, I have something to say first, and then we will move along." The silence suddenly felt stifling. "I have lived many years and I have passed through many of the disasters that had hit Soul Society. Yet none of these disasters had been so heart breaking like Aizen's betrayal and his war against his former brothers and sisters and against the people that he had sworn to protect. Honestly, I don't know if we had survived, had it not been for you, Kurosaki-san." The teacher went around his desk before he continued. "I hope I don't offend you, sir, nor do I want to make you uncomfortable. However, I feel the need to express my gratitude for everything you have done for us, sir. Thank you for your sacrifice and for your shed blood. Thank you for rescuing people whom you have never met and thank you for sacrificing yourself for a society that will remain indebted to you for eternity. It will be an honor to have you as my student."

And suddenly all the people in the auditorium rose to their feet and followed the teacher's example by bowing to him. Ichigo was left completely speechless. When he fought against Aizen and the Arrancars, he never questioned the reasons why he was doing so. Abstractly, he was aware of all the people that were counting on him and yet he had never fully made a conscious effort to think about them. Now as the entire auditorium was bowing and being grateful, something strengthened within his soul. He rose up and bowed.

"Thank you for your kind and generous words." He said humbly and they all smiled at him before they finally sat back again and the course resumed. Ichigo looked around him and then he knew what he had to do next.

It was time to meet Aizen.


	11. Meeting

**Disclaimer**: Tite Kubo is the creator and owner of _Bleach_. I own nothing, except this silly plot.

Eleven**  
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**Meeting**

After almost three weeks of attending Soul Society Academy, Ichigo Kurosaki could say without a shadow of a doubt that he absolutely _sucked_ at Kido. He might or might not have made his instructor cry with his lameness. It was impossible to say due to the smoke surrounding the area. However, as his fellow students were running away from the scene of the crime, Ichigo just stood there, petrified and mostly horrified at his lack of skill. His teacher's cries could be heard from miles away but as soon as he saw Ichigo trying to kneel and apologize, the Kido sensei just started to mumble that maybe it was not that bad and maybe they could figure something out.

Ichigo was not sure if this was due to the smoke inhalation or his rampant reiatsu but at the time, he had been satisfied with it. Now? Not so much. He sucked so bad that they were not sure what method to adopt with him so the faculty had decided to assign Ichigo some serious after classes to at least try to contain the disaster.

Ichigo sighed miserably as he finally pushed his meal away, absolutely dejected. If he did not improve soon enough, he would not be able to graduate and that was not in the cards. He sighed again playing with his cup.

"What troubles you?" Byakuya's deep voice finally brought him back to reality. Ichigo raised his eyes at the raven-haired captain who seemed genuinely concerned.

"Nothing, uh, absolutely nothing."

"Kurosaki Ichigo, you are far from being an excellent liar. The fact that you have not said a word since you have come home and you mostly played with your food instead of actually eating speak volumes about your spirit. Not to mention that your spiritual energy is all over the place."

"Well, actually that is the main problem." Ichigo looked utterly depressed as he continued: "I am failing my Kido classes. In fact, I am so bad at it that the teachers have decided to compensate by making me take some extra classes. Although I am not sure how that is going to help me."

"What do you mean?"

"I made my professor cry, Byakuya! I wasn't exactly bad at it, more like _just get out of here, failure_. I am so far from mastering Kido that it may take years until I finally graduate."

"Kurosaki, time is not an issue here." Byakuya answered and looked somewhat amused of the whole situation. "You have all the time in the world to perfect your fighting techniques, including Kido. I have trained with the best people there are and I still had to wait in order to be able to control my spiritual energy."

"How did you manage?"

"With work and a lot of discipline." Byakuya kept silent for a few moments before adding. "I think the problem in your mastering of Kido is not the technique per se. I think you should consider first trying to concentrate on your spiritual energy. It is a driving force behind Kido and without mastering it, you won't be able to ever succeed in you endeavors."

"Do you think you could help me with that?"

His question obviously startled Byakuya because the older man's eyes widened a little, a curious light passing through his beautiful eyes. Ichigo tried to ignore his feelings for Byakuya ever since he came back but every now and then, he could not stop himself from staring at the nobleman, and for once, he was stared back. Ichigo could feel the captain's eyes on him when he thought Ichigo was not looking, when he was doing the most mundane chores or when he was simply helping the gardener. It seemed that sometimes Byakuya wanted to have a conversation with him, probably about Ichigo's last words for him, but if Ichigo was afraid of failing Kido, well, let's just say his fear of having that conversation was ten times worse.

"What do you suggest?" Byakuya finally dared to ask.

"I was wondering if you could teach me how to control my reiatsu better. It's not like my teachers don't know what they are doing but I tense every time they get closer to me as if they are enemies. But you are familiar and maybe that could help me more-"

"Ichigo, breathe." Byakuya's gentle voice so close to him startled the young man, making him aware that the nobleman was right in front of him, his gentle hand cupping his cheek. Ichigo tried to calm his fraying nerves, swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat. Byakuya's thumb slowly moved right under his eye. Sudden desire burst into Ichigo's body, an unstoppable crave to be with this man in front of him. He slowly licked his chapped lips and Byakuya's eyes followed the movement. There was such hunger in those gray eyes that Ichigo thought for a brief second that they were going to kiss.

The older man stared at Ichigo's lips a little more before finally pushed himself away. When he took his hand away, Ichigo felt bereft of his presence so hard it almost made him follow the captain.

"I thought that by now it was clear that I would do anything for you, Ichigo." The young shinigami looked pleasantly surprised at Byakuya. "Starting tomorrow after dinner, I will teach you some basic concentration exercises and hopefully after you will be able to gain reign over your spiritual energy, you will be able to start learning Kido as well."

"Thank you. There is one more thing. I would like to meet with Aizen."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I don't want to postpone it forever. Better to be done with it."

"Very well then. I will speak to captain Yamamoto to see what he can do. However, I am certain that Chamber 46 won't be able to deny you anything."

"I think so too." Ichigo got up and was ready to step out of the room when he turned to Byakuya and mumbled. "You will be coming with me, right?"

"Of course."

Ichigo smiled at the lack of hesitation in Byakuya's answer.

"Good night then."

"Good night."

The following days passed in a flurry. The discussion concerning his Aizen visit went much smoother than he had anticipated and Chamber 46 granted him access almost right away. It was a little disconcerting to see some people doing things for him so easily, as if they owed him their lives. And perhaps they did, but Ichigo has never been the type of guy to think about it.

His training sessions with Byakuya were another thing that puzzled him. Since that awkward moment between them, sudden tension flowed between the two of them and sometimes Ichigo could barely concentrate on what he was doing. Not to mention that Byakuya was patient with him and his endless failures at gaining reign over his spiritual pressure did not disheartened him. He liked the newly found companionship. He liked it a lot.

The day before meeting Aizen found him in the garden again, helping in order to calm himself. Knowing about the following day, his teachers did not keep him for the after class and let him free. He did not want special treatment but for once, he was glad for it.

_You are getting better._ The voice suddenly whispered in his mind, a gentle breeze caressing his orange locks and for a moment, Ichigo closed his eyes, the simple pleasure of it burning hot in his stomach.

"Thanks to you and your pep talk." Ichigo sighed content to feel the warm soil in his hands and the gentle presence of the voice surrounding him like back there, at that place created especially for him.

_Still a gardener, I see._

"It calms me down and I enjoy it."

_You know, for a person who has an incredible difficult time to stay put, you seem to have no problem sitting still for this._

"Living with Byakuya seems to have that effect on me. I am trying to control myself better."

_Being spontaneous is not a bad thing, Ichigo. Don't let it change you too much_. The voice murmured strangely sad. _Soon you won't need me anymore_.

"Don't talk like that." Ichigo snapped and all the good mood vanished in a moment. "You promised me that you would be with me as long as I want and that's something that isn't about to end soon. And besides, you have hardly been with me these days. You barely have the power to speak with me. What aren't you telling me?"

_Of course I wouldn't willingly leave you, Ichigo. You must believe me, but my power is slowly fading and soon I won't be able to speak with you or see you ever again._

"Then tell me how I can help you." Worry and sadness mixed in a bitter cocktail on Ichigo's tongue. "I can't exactly lose you now. I haven't done anything for you and you have done so much for me. If there is anything I can do for you, anything at all tell me and I won't hesitate."

_As usual, you are most generous_. That mysterious breeze caressed this time his face, a gentle whispered touch on his left cheek, as if ghost fingers traced invisible patterns. _We will talk about this another time. I haven't listened to you soul today so I can come and be sad about this. I have come to warn you about your meeting with Aizen._

"What about it?" Ichigo closed his eyes when the touch became more real.

_Don't let him manipulate you. I don't why he has asked for this meeting but he will be most keen into infringe the same torture on you as the one that he is currently suffering. He will spew poison just so he can see you suffer. Whatever he says, whatever poisonous words will leave his lips, don't believe him. Not even for a second._

"I know, relax. It is not something that I don't know about him."

_Then I believe that you have learned a long time ago that it is not a very good idea to underestimate Aizen. Even in his sealed form, he is more powerful than you give him credit for. There are many things that I can do for you, Ichigo, but shielding you from him there is impossible even for me._

"I promise you that I will be all right. And besides, I won't be alone. Byakuya is coming with me. Stop worrying." Ichigo smiled briefly, his eyes still closed, the sun's rays a welcomed heat on his face.

_As if that would be possible when it comes to you. _The voice sounded almost ironic and the caress transformed into a tender pat on his cheek before it finally disappeared. _Take care tomorrow._

"I will." Ichigo murmured and opened his eyes at last knowing that the conversation was over and that the presence or whatever it was disappeared. The melancholy stayed with him for the rest of the day, and the dinner was a quiet affair, for once Ichigo being reluctant to open a conversation. Byakuya eyed him worriedly but did not say anything knowing that what worried Ichigo had to be faced the following day.

Which came all too soon.

Ichigo followed Byakuya on the way to the prison, eyeing its black walls warily when they finally arrived. The guards stood silent when they finally entered the grand hall, sending cold shivers down his spine. Byakuya's body was just as tensed as his was, because the air of despair around those walls was far greater than Ichigo expected, especially since the souls were sealed.

When they stood in front of the prisoner keeper, Byakuya took control.

"Captain Byakuya Kuchiki and Ichigo Kurosaki are here to see prisoner Aizen Sousuke."

"Ichigo Kurosaki, it is a pleasure to finally meet you boy. Your soul is far brighter than I had expected."

"Thank you, sir." Ichigo mumbled blushing a little, still very much unused with the compliments and the gratefulness that he received on a daily basis.

"It is I who should thank you." The keeper smiled or at least this is what Ichigo thought because his bushy beard hid the keeper's lips. "Take all the time you want in discussing matters with the prisoner. I am sure there are many things that boil between the two of you." The keeper signaled a guard. "Bring prisoner number 34879 in the Seal Room and take these gentlemen to him."

Both Byakuya and Ichigo bowed respectfully before following the guards. With each step, Ichigo could feel every fiber in his body tensing, just as it happened before the great battle. His instinct screamed to get back and for a moment, he almost wished he had turned back, forsaking any plans of ever seeing Aizen again. Sensing his anguish, Byakuya put his hand gently on the young shinigami's shoulder and tried to convey strength.

"The moment I feel he is stepping out of line, we are out of there." Byakuya said. "We have honored the end of the bargain and that is more than he deserved anyways."

"Thank you." Ichigo muttered and then inhaling deeply, he finally stepped in the room, where in the middle rested Aizen Sousuke former captain of the fifth division and probably his worst enemy.

Aizen's cunning eyes took in Ichigo's prone figure as if he was a man dying of thirst and reached water at last. Ichigo shifted uncomfortably much aware of the attention that was given by the enemy against he had fought so hard and almost lost. Sheer stubbornness made him stay in front of his former enemy trying to ignore his alarmed instinct. Aizen could not hurt him anymore.

"I knew you would come." Aizen finally said his voice drowned in despair. He wanted to touch the young man so much, to map those callous hands that have won over him, that have reshaped his destiny in an unexpected way. Nevertheless, that moment was gone, lost for him the second he raised his zanpaktou against Soul Society, the second he plotted, the second he saw the truth in that corrupted society.

"Captain Kuchiki made a promise to you that I felt compelled to honor." Ichigo answered. "If it were up to me, I wouldn't have come here; I wouldn't have set my eyes on you again. You almost destroyed my town, my family, and my friends."

"It is interesting to see how you don't mention yourself. Perhaps I haven't done my job well enough."

"Or perhaps you have done it so well that you had nothing to destroy anymore. Have you ever thought about that?"

"Oh, believe me, I have thought about it." Aizen's voice while dripping with sarcasm, talked about a truth that failed to be understood by the two other men standing in his cell. "Unfortunately for me now, I have nothing more than time to think about my acts and their consequences, particularly on you."

"Of course you have and as I see, you fail to feel any remorse for it."

"Remorse?" The former captain tilted his head in a calculating manner, as if suddenly faced with interesting toys, which had to keep his interest or die. "Why should I feel remorse for something that I tried to do? For something that was right?"

The words angered Ichigo so much that he took two steps closer to the mighty prisoner, trying to reassess his position towards this man that has taken so much from him and his friends, has poisoned everything with his deeds.

"_Right_? You call betraying your brothers and sisters right? You call killing people or taking them prisoners right? You call your war right and just?"

"When the purpose is higher than people, when its importance is graver than them, then yes, I call it right."

"You are nothing more than a megalomaniac prick with ideas of grandeur that had put in peril the very basic nature of our souls and minds." Ichigo hissed, almost suffocated by anger. "There was no higher purpose, there was no graver importance. It was all on you and your pride, your damn pride to be unique and above all others. You have learned nothing from these months spent in isolation; you haven't figured anything since the last time we talked."

"You are blinded by your resentment for me. But if you could just open your eyes-"

"-and see what? How purposeless has all this been?"

"But if I didn't do that, if I didn't watch over you so many years, nothing would have happened. My zanpaktou wouldn't have called for yours."

"And you still fail to see the importance of it. I have defeated you, which means that the Hogyoku itself considered you undeserving of its power."

"Not undeserving, just unprepared."

"You continue with this madness?" Disbelief surrounded Ichigo like a cloud, taking everything from him. He did not understand why it was so important for him to convince Aizen that what he had done was wrong, but at that time, it felt almost imperative. As if convincing Aizen of what was right and what was wrong was going to fix Ichigo and mend all the broken pieces in him.

"It is not madness." The prisoner's shrewd eyes thinned. "Ichigo, what has happened with the Hogyoku?"

"It is gone." Ichigo's entire posture screamed tension, his shoulders a powerful line of muscles holding the weight of the world on them.

"Interesting."

"We are done here, Aizen." The orange haired man declared ignoring the pensive look on his enemy face. "I thought you wanted to see me to express your remorse or at least try to pretend that you were remorseful. I didn't come here to hear you spew the same nonsense as usual."

The young shinigami turned around and he was almost at the door when his enemy's voice stopped him on his tracks.

"Ichigo, how do you get along with him?"

Ichigo turned a little confused, trying to gauge what Aizen wanted.

"With Byakuya? Much better than with you."

"Not with Kuchiki, although I can hardly believe that all of the sudden you have become friends with this glacier pretending to be human."

"Then I don't understand your question."

"I meant how are you getting along with the voice?" By the way Ichigo's face drained of blood completely, Aizen knew that this round was going to be way longer than he previously thought. And that wasn't bad at all. "How does it treat you?"

"I don't know what you are talking about." Ichigo barely managed to whisper, feeling Byakuya's body tensing next to his.

"Really?" The former captain of the fifth division cockily raised his eyebrow, all pretenses lost. The tone was cold and calm. "Are we really going to play this game of pretend? I know about the voice, boy. And don't think, not even for a second, that I won't make you talk about it, even trapped here. You're going to talk about it and you're going to talk about it _now_."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Thank you for your patience and your kind and generous words. And thank you for still reading this and enjoying it, although it has been some time since I have updated. And I'm sorry for the left mistakes and for the late update. _


	12. Expectations

**Disclaimer**: Tite Kubo is the creator and owner of _Bleach_. I own nothing, except this silly plot.

Twelve

**Expectations**

"Really?" The former captain of the fifth division cockily raised his eyebrow, all pretenses lost. The tone was cold and calm. "Are we really going to play this game of pretend? I know about the voice, boy. And don't think, not even for a second, that I won't make you talk about it, even trapped here. You're going to talk about it and you're going to talk about it _now_."

The harsh laugh startled both Aizen and Byakuya who had smoothly approached Ichigo in an attempt to make things easier for him. The young man was laughing bitterly, not one drop of happiness in it.

"Seriously?" Ichigo rejoined when the final sounds of his laughter died. "You are going to just stand there and demand something like that from me? You are in no position to demand anything from me, Aizen Sousuke, and let's keep it that way."

"You know nothing of the voice." Aizen replied bitterly and definitely flabbergasted that his ruthless manner did not work with the boy.

"Oh, and you do? Here is what I know and, do correct me if I am wrong. Due to the wounds you inflicted upon me, I am about to die. I suddenly disappear and in spite of the huge pain that I felt, I am cured and brought to another world where the peace I was seeking is offered to me. The voice not only creates a particularly serene world for me, but it tries to sooth my other pains as well, making me confront the things that I was afraid of. So excuse me if I believe a mysterious voice over your damn traitorous self."

"The voice is not as friendly as you perceive it. It will eat you alive when you least expect it."

"And?"

"Excuse me?" Aizen looked baffled at Ichigo, whose kind eyes became warm again, as if a switch had been flipped off.

"And? So what if it will eat me alive when I least expect it? Isn't this what you want? It is as if it will make your wish come true."

"No, this isn't what I want at all!" The prisoner howled struggling into his binds. "No! After all this time you still don't get it."

"Aizen, calm down!" Byakuya intervened coldly as the prisoner in front of them continued to try to rip those binds, but without any power, it was sad to watch the body of a once very powerful man struggling as a puppet struggling in its strings.

Thus, Ichigo's gesture was unexpected. The young shinigami pondered for a minute before approaching the prisoner and put his hands on the man's cheeks. In an instant everything stopped. Aizen's eyes widened before the shock of this simple pleasure made him close his eyes. His entire body went lax with it as Ichigo held him in one place.

The former captain of the fifth division did not remember the last time he had been touched by someone like this, without any other intent of harm him. He supposed his former lieutenant might have wanted to do so, but by then he had lost all desire to be with someone. His harsh breath was the only sign that this touch, this simple caress was more than he could take it. He thought about the hundreds of years that had passed unmercifully without anyone to be by his side. That was why he had been baffled by Ichigo's words before he was sealed. Had he always been so lonely that finding someone had become unnoticing his ultimate desire? Now, more thousand of years would pass before he would be touched again.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Ichigo. The young man looked back, a hesitant smile on his lips.

"Why did you do it? Why didn't you let me win?" Aizen mumbled. "I know what the Soul King is. I could have given you freedom."

"And then what? You would have made us replace one king with another. You would have used your power for wrong and you would have betrayed us even more. You would have betrayed all of us. And after destroying the Soul King, what would you have done? What other dimensions would you have conquered?"

"At least it would have been under my own terms. Do you think Soul Society will be grateful forever? Do you think that Chamber 46 will remember forever the great service that you have done to them?" The prisoner hissed. "They will take everything from you boy, sooner or later, and then you will come back to me and tell me I was right."

"See? This is the reason why I will always believe someone else before you, Aizen." Ichigo breathed a little disappointed. "While you see the worst part of humans, I see the best part. I saw the other people fighting and sacrificing together for freedom and justice. I've seen Arrancars changing their minds and defending me. I have seen extraordinary things during the war that you instigated so foolishly. And I hope people forget what I have done for them. At the end of the day, I am a rather simple man and eternal gratefulness can get me only so far."

"In all my existence I have never met anyone like you." Aizen muttered, awe creeping in his words.

"That is why we had to meet, Aizen Sousuke. Remember how the Hogyoku makes desires come true?"

"Were you destined for me?"

"I rather think I was destined for myself." Ichigo replied wryly.

Quietness settled into the room like a shroud but for the first time it did not feel oppressive. Hundreds of years of solitude and not trusting anyone and Aizen suddenly felt a pang of regret, because out of all the beings out there, he was superior above them all except one, and that person stood in front of him, gently holding his face a little raised up so he can gaze into those beautiful warm eyes. The power that he had wanted so much had taken him on this road. Why was that? He knew the true nature of the society in which he has lived. Why was it though that all his plans crumbled to dust the moment he involved this boy?"

When the young shinigami finally took away his hands, Aizen almost doubled in pain at the loss. Warmth vanished in an instant replaced by the same cold feeling creeping around his soul.

"The voice is poison," he tried one last time, "and it will destroy you."

"No, it won't." Ichigo's brittle smile made the loss of his warmth a thousand times worse. "But I don't want to discuss about it with you. I don't want to know what it truly is. It confessed to me that when the time came, it would tell me the truth and that is enough for me." Ichigo looked at Byakuya. "It's time to go. I have fulfilled your promise."

"No, wait, you can't leave like that! Don't you want to know more about the Soul King?" His despair became almost palpable.

Ichigo shook his head. "_Your words_ would poison me."

"You must come back. You _must_."

"And why should I give you hope when you have been so keen in taking mine?"

There was no answer to that but as the bright haired boy left his room and the seal was taking him away yet again, Aizen had to hope that the last glimmer he has seen into those beautiful wine-like eyes would be hope enough. He had lived with solitude for so long, he could live another day with it.

"Do you think the voice is the Hogyoku?" Byakuya asked Ichigo as soon as they thanked the prisoner keeper and left the oppressive building.

"It can be, although I am not sure." Ichigo replied deep in thoughts. "It warned me during one of its visits that its powers are fading and that soon it won't be able to reach me anymore. What would cause the Hogyoku to lose the power?"

"Kurosaki, you mean to tell me that the voice has visited you here in Soul Society as well?"

"I guess I forgot to mention that?" Ichigo smiled sheepishly but before Byakuya could continue, he was quick to add. "And no, I don't want to hear anything bad about it. It is thanks to it that I was able to stop feeling sorry about my defeated ass and do something about it. No one is going to take that away from me."

"Your attachment to this voice impairs your better judgment." Byakuya countered unsympathetically. "This mysterious voice which avoids explaining its nature to you doesn't seem very trustworthy to me. The fact that Aizen knows about it too alarms me even more."

"Here's what I think, Kuchiki." Ichigo snapped at the older man. "I don't care about the voice's true nature. Sometimes things are better left unsaid. What I know is that it saved me and created something for me, pushed me to my limits and is always concerned for my welfare. Until proven otherwise, my faith in this voice is secure. Everyone is treating me like a freaking child, wearing their special gloves. I am not despondent. I have saved all your asses and I think I can trust my own judgment without each and every one of you casting doubts on it every five goddamn seconds."

Ichigo stared defiantly at the older man, almost daring him to say something.

"I didn't mean to offend you, Ichigo." Byakuya admitted quietly, surprising the young man. "Everything I have said may be justified through my concern for your well-being."

"I know, I know." Ichigo passed his fingers through his beautiful orange hair. "And I am sorry that I snapped at you. It's just that you all want me to carry on and at the same time, you second guess everything I do. I want people to stop asking me if I'm sure, if I'm ready."

"I guess we can do that for you."

"Thank you." Ichigo looked on the horizon, the sun finally sinking and letting the night taking over. "And one more thing. I think I will ask permission from Chamber 46 to continue visiting Aizen."

"What? Why would you ask such an absurd thing?"

"Three captains betrayed Soul Society, thinking they have been treated unjustly. Tousen is dead, Gin is barely holding up and I think that if it weren't for Rangiku's care, he would have died a long time ago. And Aizen's locked up in that awful place. These three men have one thing in common: they all believe that they were wronged and injustice took over their lives."

"Even Aizen?"

"Well, here is my theory. Tousen accepted an alliance with Aizen because he wanted to avenge the death of a loved one. Gin accepted an alliance with Aizen because he wanted to avenge what the bastard had done to Rangiku. And Aizen wanted revenge because he thought that he was superior above all, but I'm sure he wanted revenge for something as well. I keep wondering what kind of a fucked up place Soul Society must have been if Gin preferred to turn a traitor rather than ask for help. You know what all these three men have in common? They all think that Soul Society is a horrible and unjust place."

"So horrible that brothers decide to let their sisters die." Byakuya muttered, finally understanding what Ichigo was trying to say. The young shinigami blushed a little embarrassed.

"I didn't mean it like that but it's true, you must admit that. The thing is, Byakuya, I see all these people condemning these three captains, and mostly rightly so, but they do nothing to improve themselves, they do nothing to stop it from happening again."

"Ichigo, you can't change something that has been working for thousands of years."

"But has it really been working?"

"What do you mean?"

"This war, Kouga's resurrection, the Quincy, the Arrancars. I see proof after proof that this system hasn't been working and you know it too." Ichigo smiled warmly at him. "The way you have changed after what happened with Rukia. The way you try to be a better brother, more opened, you even praised Renji. This would never have happened before. Yet here you are. My first proof that this society can change even a little. You told me that you want to be more humane for me, I think you are trying to be more humane for yourself, as you have seen that things are wrong."

"Do you think you can change all of this?"

"To change it? No, I don't think I can do that. Not alone anyways. However, understanding Aizen is a first step in that direction. I want to change a little bit the way people think about these things."

"It is an almost impossible task, but knowing you, I think you will succeed. Although I still don't believe that visiting Aizen is a good idea."

"Thank you." Ichigo smiled warmly before they resumed their journey home.

A strange peace warmed Ichigo's heart. He expected his confrontation with Aizen turn into something ugly and yet, even though the man still refused to see the injustice and the wrongness of his deeds, Ichigo sensed that things were coming better than he had expected. His instinct was telling him that if he took on this path, something better was going to come up. And although he knew that Byakuya didn't agree with him, he was happy that he had the nobleman's support.

That night he went to bed with happier thoughts than ever before since he had returned. He should have known better.

Ichigo woke up a couple of hours later, soaked in sweat and with the worst feeling in his heart, even though he couldn't remember what the dream was about. He was panting, all the linen pooling around him. He stood up and tried to inhale a couple of times in order to calm his mind, but the more he was trying to do so, the more panicked he became. It was even worse because he did not know the reason why this was happening.

"Ichigo, may I come in?" Byakuya's gruff voice penetrated the haze surrounding his mind enough to make him croak a 'yes'. The raven-haired man entered without hesitation and upon seeing what a mess Ichigo was, he immediately approached the bed and kneeling next to him, he cupped his face again and said in a calm voice.

"I need you to breathe with me." He slowly showed Ichigo how he would do it and the young man followed his example. They spent the next minutes breathing loudly, both of them trying to ignore the heat between the two of them. Ichigo concentrated on the other man's hands on him. Elegant but firm, they kept him anchored.

All of his feelings suddenly burst with such strength that Ichigo had to close his eyes for a moment to hide the tears stinging his eyes. In all those months during the war, never, not even in his wildest dreams did he think that this scene one day might be possible. Byakuya had become almost a friend and at least respected Ichigo. In addition, his feelings were forgotten for a while as his war with Aizen grew in its magnitude. However, when he thought that he was dying the only thing that crossed his mind was telling Byakuya about his feelings. He had no illusions that the captain would have responded to his feelings. There has never been any sign that Byakuya might be inclined towards his own sex and Ichigo had learned to live with the bleakness of this truth.

Nevertheless, every since he came back, Byakuya's gestures gave him hope, his words a blessed salve for his wounded heart. Byakuya's behavior was far more dangerous than Aizen's venomous words for him because as easily as they gave him hope, as easily they could take it away from him. Not to mention that all these wonderful bittersweet gestures could come up from Byakuya's intrinsic desire to honor his duty.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He choked, trying to keep his emotions at bay.

"Because there is no other way to convince you to give me a chance. To give us a chance."

"Since when do you want a chance with me?"

"Since living without you seemed impossible. Since I have been the only person to believe that you were still alive." The shock of these words made Ichigo open his eyes and look back at the older man who currently laid his soul bare at his feet. It was so unprecedented that these words left him breathless. "One day I will be able to open my heart and soul, Kurosaki Ichigo, without any fear and hesitation and you will be able to glance into it and see the truth behind my words. You have waited for so long for me. Can't you wait a little longer, knowing that I do my best?"

"If this is born out of some stupid sense of duty, I swear I will end you. I won't-"

"It is not. It is really not." Byakuya kissed him gently on the forehead. "I promise you that. If you can give me a chance, then I will take it gladly."

"Meet me half way?"

Byakuya smiled, a barely there twitch of the lips but it was enough for Ichigo.

"Meet you half way."

He nodded and settled down in his futon again. "Stay with me tonight though? Maybe you can keep the nightmares at bay and I can rest properly before I go back to the academy tomorrow."

"Of course."

Byakuya slipped under the covers with an elegance that surprised the younger man. They stayed stiffly awaiting for one of them to make a move. Then suddenly with a mumbled _to hell with this_, Byakuya pulled Ichigo's body next to his, spooning him and offering him the warmth that he needed so much. It was amazing to feel how well they fitted together. They became a mess of tangled limbs and warmth shared, and Ichigo burrowed himself so deep into Byakuya's body, as if he was trying to hide himself inside the older man. The security of those strong arms around him and the leveled breath, which caressed his neck, lulled Ichigo into sleep before he even noticed.

In the morning, he woke up alone in the bed, but he was not upset about it. He was feeling well-rested and far better than he had expected so he followed his morning routine. He was happy to go back to school, especially now that hew as starting to make progress thanks to Byakuya's training.

The breakfast was a quiet affair as always but this time Byakuya seemed far more relaxed than in the previous days and every now and then he would stare at Ichigo as if he could not quite believe what just happened.

"You are returning to school today?" The captain asked as they prepared to leave the mansion.

"Yes, two days is more than enough for me. And any missed lesson of Kido makes me a menace to Soul Society."

"Have a good day, then." And before both of them realize, Ichigo craned his neck a little bit and Byakuya leaned and kissed him. It was just a peck on the lips nothing more and yet it stunned the both of them. It felt so natural, as if they had been doing it for years, centuries, and their routine nothing more than a usual sign of love and affection.

They stood like that in silence for a few more seconds before Ichigo finally smiled warmly at Byakuya.

"You have a good day as well." And before the older man might apologize for his gesture, Ichigo flash-stepped towards the academy, his lips tingling pleasantly, still preserving the phantom taste of Byakuya's lips.

It was going to keep him sane on his impromptu visit in the real world, which he wanted to make after his classes ended. After all, it was time to find out more about Hogyoku, and who better to give him answers than the man who created it?

* * *

><p><em>AN: I bet you didn't expect me to update so soon. :)))) I am just so happy that my writer's block has finally ended that I keep writing like a lunatic. I promise all the other stories will be updated really soon. Thank you so much for your endless support and your faith in this story. Your generous words, your alerts, your favorites, and your readings of this story have been all the encouragement I needed. Thank you. _


	13. Unbidden

**Disclaimer**: Tite Kubo is the rightful owner of _Bleach_. I own nothing, except this silly plot.

Thirteen

**Unbidden**

"Wait, let me get this straight." Renji growled because apparently now he could just use his older brother vibes. Ichigo did not know exactly when that happened but he refused to ask Renji any question about this new attitude of his. As long as he could avoid any serious conversation about feelings and life and death, he was more than happy. "You want to go back to Karakura town?"

"I really don't know what your problem with it is." The intensity of his scowl was utterly impressive, he could tell. "It's not like I'm going on the battle field. I just need some answers from Urahara-san. What's the big deal?"

"And why can't you get your answers from here?"

"Because there are exactly two people who know a lot about the Hogyoku. One is Aizen and one is Urahara. So unless you know more about this than either of them, you need to back off, Renji, because you are really starting to piss me off."

"Well, maybe I want to know why my best friend suddenly seems so keen in going back and finding out more about a thing that is supposed to have disappeared." Renji retorted, his jaw tensed ominously. "It's not like you're exactly best at taking the right decisions."

"What? Go to hell!" Ichigo yelled back. "Not the right decisions? I have taken all the right all this time. So what if I want to go to the real world? Don't treat me like I'm a fucking girl or I'm made of glass, Renji, because I'm fucking neither and I will kick your ass so hard you might need medical leave for a decade."

"I meant you don't take good decisions when it comes to you, you asshole! You always think about the others. And you want us to believe that things are just fine? Really? You discussed with Aizen yesterday and now all of the sudden you want to go back and talk to Urahara? Yeah, Ichigo, 'cause that's not suspicious at all."

"Boys, relax, seriously, you are going me a headache." Rukia intervened, trying to separate them.

"I already have the captain commander's approval." Ichigo glared at both of them. "I don't need your approval at all. I just wanted to inform you about it so…" Ichigo hesitated thinking that this was not exactly the best time to tell them about his plan but apparently, Rukia had other ideas.

"Oh, no, no, no." Rukia frantically shook her head. "No way in hell, Ichigo Kurosaki."

"What? What's happening?" Renji looked at the both of them more than a little confused, his anger momentarily forgotten.

"He didn't tell nii-sama and he wants us to know about it, so in case nii-sama comes looking for him, we should tell him where he is."

"When hell freezes over!" Renji yelled. "And now I don't know what pisses me off more: the fact that you're doing something stupid like going back to the real world or that you put our lives in danger like that."

"Oh, come on, it won't be that bad."

"Really?" Rukia's skepticism should turn down a notch. It was not _that_ bad. "Then why didn't you tell him that you're going back to Karakura to ask some questions? Seriously, you can flash step to the quarters of the sixth division and be right back in a matter of seconds."

"Yeah, not even I am _that_ insane." Ichigo mumbled guiltily. "Seriously, guys, come on. I know what I am doing, so if you could just stop with your complaints and let Byakuya know about this, it would be great."

"Ichigo, sometimes I seriously don't know if I like you or really _really_ hate you."

"Oh, come on. You love me. You said so."

"I never said that." Renji yelled back, a nice shade of crimson matching his locks covered his cheeks.

"Just go." Rukia said defeated.

"But Rukia-"

"No, Renji, he is right. It's time we let him make his own decisions." Rukia glared at Ichigo. "But if you come back and mope around or something happens to you, I will kill you all over again, Ichigo. And I'm not even kidding."

"Yeah, yeah, midget."

"And just for that, I will let nii-sama panic before finally telling him where you're at. I'm sure he will be most pleased."

"You're an evil woman and I don't know why I am friends with you."

"Yeah, yeah."

"The gate is ready, sir." A man from the first division bowed to them and both Renji and Rukia flinched.

"Come on, guys, I'll be all right." Ichigo tried to sooth his friends' frail nerves but his words seemed to worsen the mood.

"That's what you always say and you never keep your word."

"I promise I will." He spoke softly and grinned at them before stepping through the gate.

Bad decision.

Really _extremely_ bad decision.

He figured it out right away as soon as the gate suddenly slammed closed behind him and yet there was nothing but darkness around him. Nowhere to move, just like back then when he thought he was going to die. Ichigo felt his anxiousness raise a notch when faint gray light abruptly began to flow around him.

_Ichigo._

"You have got to be kidding me." Ichigo mumbled dissatisfied. "Are you into this as well? Look, like I told Rukia and Renji back there, I'm all right, so you can let me go to Karakura without fearing that I might die or crumble."

_I can't let you go back to Karakura, Ichigo_. The presence of the voice was definitely stronger than ever, seemingly pushing around the young shinigami as if trying to make him turn back.

"What kind of crazy talk is that? Seriously, just let me go already."

_No, I am sorry but I can't let you do it._

"Ok, ok, you told me to trust you and not allow Aizen manipulate me, but you sure as hell make him look like he's right. Why won't you let me go back to the real world?"

_It is for your own good._

"Don't give me that crap." His anger burnt everything in its way. "You're not doing it for my own good; you're doing it for yourself."

_Ichigo, I am sorry, but remember when I told you that I did not have much power left? Well, right now, someone else's will is stronger than mine is. It is not me. You have to believe me, Ichigo._ The voice sounded so distressed and sincere that the shinigami reflected for a moment before opening his mouth again.

"I want to believe you, trust me, I want to do just that, but at the same time this is the first time when you've mentioned this new will and conveniently after I try to find out more about the Hogyoku. You have to admit that it's a little shady at least."

_I know, I know, and I am really sorry_. The voice choked on the words. _I don't know why it is happening right now._ The presence intensified.

"I can almost feel you." Ichigo muttered suddenly lost in the sensation.

_You do? _There was so much longing in those two words that the orange light closed his eyes. _Can you feel this?_ Hesitation drowned everything as the presence intensified, invisible hands cupping his cheeks.

"Yes." Ichigo mumbled. "Is that you?"

_Yes_. New found sorrow backed each word that followed. _However, it is not my doing only. When you came to my world, Ichigo, not back at the cottage, but when you came there in the light when I healed you, I felt like you have created a bond with someone, someone very powerful. I did not say anything because that bond disappeared almost completely and when you returned to Soul Society, it wasn't there anymore so I was relieved. _The voice sighed heavily_. But I think now I might be bound to it._

"Do you know who that is?"

_No_.

"Does it want to harm me?"

_I do not think so. Protection seems to be its main purpose. In addition, I sense utter distress at your leaving._

Ichigo opened his eyes.

"Why is it that every time I think my life is going in the right direction, everything turns quickly to worse?" Ichigo raked his fingers through his beautiful hair, and the invisible hands followed suit. "Are you going to harm me now?"

_No!_ The voice yelled appalled, and Ichigo found himself suddenly in an invisible hug_. I would never do this to you, Ichigo. You have to believe me. You have to._

"How can I believe you when you're stopping me right now from doing something I want?"

_Please, believe me. It is for your own protection._ The voice sounded truly anguished and it broke Ichigo's heart a little. _I want what is best for you. I truly want that. _

"Then you need to give me some answers."

_Not right now._

"Then when, damn it?" Ichigo flinched at his own harsh voice and tried to calm down. "You know, I have protected you from all the others, I have told them that you are good and you saved me. But now I doubt it.

_Why? Just because I won't let you go back to the real world, doesn't mean I'm bad. _

"Really? Then care to explain how you have so much power here? You told me you are about to fade and yet I can almost feel you, your body close to me. I swear that if I discover that you could be visible all this time, I will end you."

_No, I do not possess such a thing. I never did_. The voice's distressed tone made Ichigo back down a bit. _I am between worlds right now, just as I was back there at our home._

"Our home?" Ichigo repeated but the voice continued.

_I do not belong to any world but in between, I am stronger, I am almost tangible. Nevertheless, I will never possess a body._ The regret in the voice was so profound that the young man winced. _It is not fair. I won't be able to be with you much anymore and yet I find myself in this circumstances in which you doubt of me. It is not fair._

"I'm sorry."

_It is not your fault. I promise I will explain what I am, I promise, but you have to leave now. You can't stay between the worlds. And please don't try to leave again. I will stop you each time._

"Aizen told me that you will eat me alive. Are you going to do that?"

_No._ The word was whispered so softly that Ichigo strained to hear it. The voice sounded choked with tears. _I have not saved you to kill you._

"Why did you save me then?" Ichigo asked bitterly, tired of the voice's evasion.

_To be with you, why else?_ The voice whispered just as its presence abruptly pushed Ichigo in an unexpected bright light.

"Ichigo!" His friends cried as soon as he landed on his ass in the most inelegant move possible.

"What the hell happened?" Rukia yelled at him as soon as she put her trembling hands on him checking for wounds. "You disappeared, Ichigo. Your presence couldn't be felt in any of the worlds known to us. It was – it was as if you never existed." Rukia's distress was so immense that he had to hug her.

"I'm all right. I'm ok." He kept saying although he was not sure that it was true.

"What happened, Ichigo?" Renji stared at him, daring him to try to avoid answering. And he probably would have answered, had it not been for the sudden spiritual pressure that could blast an entire neighborhood from Soul Society. In addition, all of them flinched when Byakuya's fear-inducing form was almost looming over all three of them. The people from the first division were all almost suffocating due to the incredible pressure of it. And yeah, maybe they were all powerful shinigamis with incredible zanpaktous but right now even Ichigo felt the need to gulp.

"I highly recommend you to begin explaining to me as to why I felt Ichigo disappeared completely or I promise you the consequences will be dire."

"I will explain everything." Ichigo finally replied and got up from the ground. "But could you maybe lighten up a little because you're killing people here?" Byakuya did not acknowledge the presence of the other shinigamis but his spiritual pressure became lighter. Still impressive in its presence but definitely not in the _I am going to kill you_ vibe.

"I am waiting." His onyx eyes kept staring at all three of them as if he could read their minds and for a moment, even Ichigo freaked out at the high possibility of it. After all, was there something that Byakuya Kuchiki could not do?

"Apparently, protecting you." Byakuya snarled and oops, Ichigo might have said all this aloud. "Is there ever going to be a moment when you are not going to put yourself into danger?"

"Excuse me, but I didn't exactly think that going to the real world was going to put me in danger."

"You were planning to go to Karakura town?" And oh, boy, but Ichigo clammed almost immediately because if looks could kill, well, let's just say that Byakuya would have had him probably killed about six times in the span of two seconds. It had been really a bad thing to say.

"Sir, the captain commander gave Ichigo permission to leave Soul Society." And bless Renji for trying to help him out, but even he should have known that this was not exactly the best thing to do.

"Did I give you permission to speak, Abarai?" The cold tone made Ichigo tense, remembering all too well how frightening Byakuya was as an opponent and a captain.

"No, sir, I'm sorry."

"Rukia, I am disappointed in you. I believed that we were on the same page and agreed that sometimes Kurosaki was to be protected even against his own person."

"I'm sorry, nii-sama." Rukia blushed furiously.

"Byakuya, stop it." Ichigo finally snapped. "You're acting like an asshole."

The two men glared at each other, Byakuya's face livid with fury.

"Abarai, return to the division's quarters and check on the new recruits as I left them on the training grounds." The lieutenant almost instantly left the premises, not even bothering to say another word, and the captain turned his attention to his sister. "Rukia, I believe that captain Ukitake was looking for you therefore you should return to you duties."

"Yes, nii-sama. Please, excuse me." _Traitor_, Ichigo wanted to mumble but it was his fault after all so he stayed there glaring at the older man.

"Are you going to order me around too?"

"Don't think, not even for a second, that I don't know that you are to be blamed about this mess. As such we are going to return home right now."

"And if I don't want to?"

"Then I will make you to."

All defiance left Ichigo's body knowing fully well that nothing was going to help him right now. Byakuya was too angry and he would not listen to reason, though apparently people did not listen to reason much when it came to his own person. As he followed the captain back to the mansion, Ichigo wondered if his decision to disappear and stay to that world affected the people he cared about more than he thought initially. They became over protective and now even the voice was turning confusing.

Ichigo was so lost in his thoughts he did not even notice that they were already home when Byakuya suddenly turned to him. He made him follow him in the office and Ichigo felt like that small boy going to the principal's office when he had been into a fight yet again.

"Are you insane?" Byakuya bellowed and Ichigo realized in that second that he has never seen Byakuya so livid. "Have you completely and utterly lost your mind?"

"Hey, I was just going to Karakura and have a nice conversation with Urahara-san. I didn't expect complications."

"That's the problem Ichigo, you never expect anything. What has happened?"

"Something stopped me from going to the real world. I was trapped somehow between worlds and-"

"Who was it?"

"What?"

"Who stopped you?"

"Well-"

"Ichigo, so help me, if you don't answer me, I will do unimaginable things to you."

"It was the voice, all right?!" Ichigo snapped suddenly angry as hell.

"The voice?" Byakuya fumed. "The voice that you kept saying that it would never hurt you? The voice that you defended in front of us all?"

"Yes, I get it; you don't need to keep telling me this."

"I don't?" Seriously, sometimes Byakuya's face was like an opened book if you knew where to look. Incredulity marred his handsome features. "Because, if I remember correctly, despite out warnings, you are continuing to believe foolishly in this voice, who kept you between worlds."

"Look, I know it looks bad," Ichigo sighed, "and believe me, I have my own doubts now, but I still think that it didn't want to harm me."

Byakuya growled, he really actually _growled_ as he abruptly grabbed Ichigo by his uniform.

"You disappeared!" He howled. "For minutes I didn't feel your presence at all. It was like back then when you decided that you don't want to be among us anymore. Do you have any idea how I felt? Do you have any idea to have something so precious ripped out all of the sudden? The sheer loss of it… So you can't just stand here in front of me and claim that the voice is good for you, that it means no harm. It took you away from me and that makes it the vilest thing you have ever encountered."

"Byakuya-"

"Stop talking." The older man growled and crashed his lips against Ichigo's, despair tainting each touch, each lick of lips. Ichigo wanted to say something, maybe try to sooth the raven-haired man, but nothing could come out, as he would barely let him breathe. Ichigo opened his mouth in defeat and the older man hungrily shoved his tongue in it, mapping and tasting, trying to take everything from him. After a while, his kisses turned more soothing, his tongue gently licking his lower lip, while his hands came around Ichigo's nape and waist, trapping him effectively against his more muscular body. Not that Ichigo minded but the despair was still there. And he wondered for the first time if his goodbye back then had broken something in the older man, if his selfishness – grabbing that one last chance – has been more harmful than anything else.

He wondered for the first time if by confessing his feelings before he disappeared, he had trapped Byakuya into something that was way over their heads. The mere thought of it poisoned everything in an instant.

* * *

><p><em>AN: So things are advancing. I think it was about time. Thank you so much for your kind support and my apologies for any mistake left. _


	14. Cracked

**Disclaimer**: Even after so long, I still don't own anything. Tite Kubo is the rightful owner of everything involving _Bleach_ and I really hope he doesn't mind too much if I'm borrowing these two guys for a little while.

Fourteen

**Cracked**

There was a burning hunger within the depth of his entire spirit, each press of lips doing nothing but feeding that hunger. His bones and muscles were burning with the desire to get closer to the older man, dig deep within his body and stay there for an eternity. He grabbed fistfuls of Byakuya's uniform, his body so close. Every emotion that Ichigo hid for so long was in that kiss.

_His first kiss_.

He could have lost himself in the feeling, he could have kissed Byakuya eternally, the way he used to dream every now and then, when he would picture sunny afternoons spent in the garden or in the bedroom, with elegant fingers trailing along his body. His lips would be raw and swollen from too much kissing, too much love pouring through each embrace. He would love completely every touch, every whisper, every honest detail of their love.

How was it that a kiss could break his heart in so many pieces, Ichigo wondered as he tore himself away from Byakuya gasping for air. Everything he has ever wanted was there, in front of him, within his reach and yet he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Byakuya didn't really want him. His heart gave such a painful lurch at that simple thought that Ichigo gasped in pain. Which promptly made Byakuya frown deeper in concern.

"You shouldn't have done that," Ichigo mumbled as he tried to compose himself, to make sense of whatever has happened barely seconds ago. His lips tingled with the ghost of the kiss, spreading within the core of his body. It was a sweet poison and Ichigo would have gladly given his life to it. What has always been horrible when it came to unrequited love was the fact that it always came with the hope that one day that person might begin to feel something for you. The desire was almost palpable in the air and Ichigo would have continued the kiss.

But it would have been for wrong reasons. Selfish reasons.

"Then how was this supposed to happen?" A tinge of disappointment crept into Byakuya's voice and a thousand nuances of that simple little thing made Ichigo tremble in response, composure avoiding him. The older man was still furious, his rage boiling into his onyx eyes, in the tensed posture, even in those barely kissed lips. Ichigo has never seen Byakuya so disheveled, a sight which now appealed so much to him. It proved to him that Byakuya was human after all, that a minimum sense of an emotion could be guessed behind those so often blank eyes.

And yet, no matter how often he has pictured kissing the Kuchiki heir, he has never imagined that he would do it like this, in a moment of utter despair and fury, that he would actually say _no_ and would try to escape it.

"We can't pretend anymore that there is nothing here, Ichigo." Byakuya stated such matter-of-factly that Ichigo burst into a sudden unhappy laugh.

"Oh, man, this is so not how I pictured things would go." He stuttered, inhaling deeply, and then looked at Byakuya determined. "There is nothing to talk about because there is nothing here."

"Excuse me?" Walls were back in place and Byakuya's face gave nothing away as he continued in his cold normal voice. "Nothing? Then I am very curious to hear, Kurosaki, as to how you explain the things you told me before disappearing."

Ichigo honest to God flinched because that had been the second toughest moment in his life, besides his mother's death, and this man was bringing it back so casually that it made Ichigo angry. Byakuya's hands tightened in fists when he saw the reaction.

Both men stood opposite each with their own reasons to fear everything; both had so much to lose and yet so much to gain. However, Ichigo had thought for so long that he couldn't have this that it didn't even once crossed his mind that this might happen after all.

"Call it a moment's madness."

"I won't put such a trivial name to that moment when we both know that this is far from the truth. "

"What the hell do you want then?" Ichigo lashed back, his reiatsu suddenly boiling with all the untold story of his unrequited feelings. "What do you want me to tell you? That what I said back then is true? That I have been so pathetic? Well, it is! Everything is true! So what? Poor stupid Ichigo fell in love with a man, who tried to kill him, who never sees him, who constantly reminds him that soul Society is not his home. Joke on me, right?"

"You know as well as I that I am not that person anymore, that I try to change, I _hope_ that some changes can be already perceived by the people around me." Byakuya looked a little hurt making Ichigo want to swallow his words back.

"I am not saying that you haven't change but so what? How does this change anything between us?"

"Did it ever occur to you that I might feel the same?" Byakuya's so simple question stunned Ichigo into silence. The hope of having his feelings returned has always been there but it has been pointless in believing in it.

"No, it actually never did." He admitted with all the bitterness that he was capable of. "Look, it's not your fault that I fell in love with you. These type of feelings are my responsibility, not yours." Disappointment and hopelessness tinged every word that Ichigo uttered next. "I never asked you for anything Byakuya, but I am asking you this now. Please, drop this off. It's done. Let it be buried forever between us and never speak of it again."

They looked at each other, weighing each other's determination in pursuing this discussion, while Ichigo was trying to send almost telepathic messages to Byakuya to leave him alone, to not continue this conversation. It might have killed him and it wasn't an exaggeration. He had lost too much in a far too short time and he didn't think he could handle losing whatever little friendship Byakuya could give him at the moment.

"I have never pictured you a coward." The older man stated decisively, and judging by the way he was slowly approaching Ichigo, the discussion was far from over.

"I am not a coward. I am just a man with a little sense of self-preservation left in his bones."

"Ichigo, ever since I met you, you never had a sense of self-preservation. You can't even begin to comprehend what that entitles."

"What do you want from me then, Byakuya?" Ichigo said, tiredly raking his fingers through his beautiful orange hair.

"I want you to offer me a chance."

"A chance for what?"

"A chance at this, at whatever is building between the two of us and before you say anything else, I think I am entitled to be listened as well." Byakuya took a step closer and he cupped Ichigo's cheek. The younger man sighed in bitter surrender. "You died." Byakuya murmured bone-wearily. "You died and I was so angry, kept thinking it was impossible for you to just disappear like it was nothing, like you were never there."

"I have never felt so relieved in my life." Ichigo sobbed, completely undone by Byakuya's confession. He couldn't be strong anymore; all his emotions too strong, and too damn hopeless erupted at the surface with a genuine force behind them.

"I know, and I wish you wouldn't feel that way because you were missed. You were terribly missed among your friends and family, among the people you constantly helped and protected. I missed you." Byakuya softly admitted, taking another step, his body so close to Ichigo's, that the orange haired savior could feel its warmth. Still, their only connection was that callous and exquisite hand on his cheek. "You never asked yourself why I was the only person who believed that you were alive. You never asked yourself why I was the only one able to find you. Other people have tried, Ichigo, but I was the only one to do it."

"What?"

"Don't look so perplexed." There was a hint of amusement in Byakuya's voice. "Rukia and your father had used the Moon Rock before me, and yet only I found you. In that darkness, the only thing that kept me going and trust the voice if only for a moment was the hope that I might get you, Ichigo Kurosaki."

"I didn't know that."

"How could you when at every step you dismiss me? You are so convinced that this is never going to happen that you do not bother to look properly. Haven't I told you that I am trying to be better, more humane for you? Haven't I proven myself if only for a little that I can have your trust, that I can take care of you?"

"Byakuya, please, I can't-"

'Yes, you can." The hand went away to grab his nape and force him to look into the captain's unwavering eyes. "This is what I am trying to tell you, Ichigo Kurosaki. Give me a chance. You are the only person that makes me feel alive, that makes me _feel_. I have never met a person like you. Do not dismiss me so easily and misinterpret things when they are far from the truth."

Ichigo's arms snaked around Byakuya's waist pulling him closer still, grabbing desperately fists of his uniform. The older man tensed for a moment before relaxing completely and hugged Ichigo just as hard, their bodies flushed against each other's. They breathed in unison, sheltering each other from black thoughts and doubts.

Maybe he could have this. Maybe he could try.

"If we are doing this, then you must be all in." He pleaded brokenly. "I can't lose whatever little I have of you, even if it's just your friendship or your respect. Or even just your annoyance."

Byakuya's lips almost touched Ichigo's ear shell, sending delicious shivers down his body, as he whispered.

"I believe I am more convinced of this then you are. But I promise you, Ichigo, that you will never lose me, even if you decided that you don't want a man like me. Even if you decide on something else, you will always have my support. For the first time in my life, I am able to say at last that I have found someone that I genuinely want to protect and be with and that is you, Ichigo Kurosaki. So we shall take it slow."

"Slow?" Ichigo raised his head, a naughty glint in his eyes. "How slow?"

Byakuya's eyes lightened up as he answered in a gruff voice: "Not that slow."

When the second kiss came, Ichigo was prepared. He opened his mouth and let generously the other man map every inch of it. What he wasn't prepared for was the care with which Byakuya was doing it. It had none of the previous hunger and yet it was just as deeper, if not even more intense. Byakuya's tongue would sooth each small nip, each hard press, and Ichigo found himself whimpering each time they would stop for breath, following Byakuya's lips greedily.

When they finally pulled away, both of them were disheveled and Ichigo smiled gently seeing Byakuya so informal, all the previous rage gone as if Ichigo's touch has healed every scar. And maybe they could heal each other.

"Now I want to know what has happened and why you disappeared completely." Byakuya ordered and Ichigo couldn't do anything but obey. They both stood completely silent after Ichigo finished his story and whatever the voice has told him, musing over the details and trying to figure out what was going on.

"Who is the person that you bonded with?" Byakuya queried and Ichigo shrugged.

"It said that everything happened at the time of my disappearance. There were only four other people besides me there: you, Rukia, Renji and Urahara-san."

"And Aizen."

"Aizen?" Ichigo almost spit the word. "But he was already sealed. It is impossible to have bonded with him."

"But then again if we think about it there is some evidence that might suggest the opposite." Byakuya's forehead creased even more. "He knew many things about you and how you felt during battle, he even knew that you were alive, even your reasons for disappearing."

"Yeah, okay, but still-" Nothing appalled Ichigo more than the possibility of being linked in any way to Aizen, even an accidental bonding as this one. And the fact that the voice didn't know about this person's identity made him even more suspicious and uncomfortable. "That is just great." He sputtered petulantly. "Not only do I get to see the psycho again but now I might be bonded to him as well? My life can't suck more than that."

"At the moment there is something that troubles me more than your possible bond with Aizen and that is the identity of the voice. It had kept you away from the real world and it had the power to make your reiatsu, actually your entire being, disappear completely from this world." In spite of the bleak prospects that Byakuya kept mentioning, Ichigo found himself smiling stupidly at the older man, who only frowned upon seeing such unnatural reaction. "What is it, Ichigo?"

"Man, I think I have never mentioned this but you are kind of awesome when you go into your professional mode."

"This is what actually troubles you right now?" Incredulity marred Byakuya's beautiful features.

"Yes, as a matter a fact, I would rather think of that then thinking about all the other things. Truth be told, I don't want to consider the voice as my enemy. It as been far from being so and I'd like to keep it that way. I believe that if its intentions had been to harm me, it would have done so from the very beginning and not heal me and help you guys find me instead."

"But its reasons defy any logic. What are its motivations?"

Ichigo actually blushed a little, making Byakuya's eyes narrow in suspicion.

"It said that it wanted to be with me."

"Wanted to be with you?"

"That's what it said when I questions its motifs." Ichigo had a far away look when he added. "I could feel its presence, like it hugged me."

Byakuya said nothing in response and nothing could be read on his face. Ichigo knew that he shouldn't have been so honest about the voice and whatever nonsense had told him but there were some things that just didn't add up and at this point he was more than willing to rely if only for a little while on others.

"I have to return to the division," Byakuya said abruptly.

"Okay, but do try not to kill Renji or any of the new recruits."

"I can't promise you anything." The tone of the voice was so serious that Ichigo wondered if the older man was joking or not. Nevertheless, when those beautiful grey eyes settled on Ichigo, they were full of warmth. "I will see you tonight at dinner."

"Yes," he replied breathless. And Byakuya seemed for a moment that he might kiss him, but at the last minute he changed his mind and left. Ichigo sighed in frustration.

The following day, Ichigo reported to the sotaichou what has happened and the old man promised him that he would make Urahara send all his research regarding the Hogyokou to Ichigo, but the young shinigami had little hope of finding out too many relevant things out of it.

The trouble was that the small chance of being bonded to Aizen troubled Ichigo quite a lot, especially since he thought that they were quite similar. Both Rukia and Renji had debated strongly and at length that such a thing would be impossible, but Ichigo wasn't so sure. Byakuya had tried to dissuade him from thinking about it as well, through his small touches and his almost there smiles were working miracles on him. And Ichigo was happy to finally have all that but the possibility of being so deeply connected to Aizen made his skin crawl with disgust.

Therefore, about a week later, he decided that he couldn't take it any longer and would visit the fallen captain again. This time he made sure that he left a note to Byakuya where he was, although he cunningly avoided in telling him face to face and he actually had to skip a class for this. Instead he brought Renji with him, who realized half way there that he might have been in bigger trouble than he thought initially.

"The captain doesn't know where going there, does he?" Defeat poured with every spark of reiatsu.

"Nope."

"Oh, man, I am so going to die, and it will be because of you, you stupid orange brat!" Renji slapped him over the back of his head. Hard.

"Hey, why did you do that for?" Petulantly, Ichigo added. "Just so you know, I left him a message, stupid pineapple head. So when he comes home, he'll know where we are."

"I hope that it crossed your stupid mind not to mention my name."

Ichigo thought about the small written message left on Byakuya's desk _Gone with Renji to see Aizen. I'll be back in a few_ and then looked guiltily at his friend. Renji might have exploded violently if they hadn't arrived at the prison.

"Do you want me in there with you?" His best friend asked in a very serious tone of voice and Ichigo appreciated both his concern and determination.

"Yeah."

There were no other words exchanged between them as they entered the black building. Truth be told, none of them had the disposition anymore anyway. This time the keeper of the gates just signaled the guards and didn't make conversation with either of them. He already knew that Ichigo wanted to visit probably the most despised prisoner in there and the red haired lieutenant was allowed in as well only because he was accompanying the young new shinigami.

As a matter of fact, Renji wasn't to keen on being there. At all. Ichigo could tell that by his tensed posture and the way his eyes kept darting around him with a clearly horrified look on his face. There were certain things in Soul Society that were better left unsaid and uncovered. But something told Ichigo that he wasn't going to be spared any time soon.

"You came to me again." Aizen said when he was unsealed, his voice gravely from misuse.

"Yeah," Ichigo raked his fingers through his hair again, "because I need a lesson in Hogyokou's history."

"That is interesting coming from you. I thought that we were done."

"Apparently, we are not." Ichigo looked carefully at the prisoner, see if he could gauge any feeling, any profound connection between the two of them. But there was nothing that he could feel, other than anger and resentment, and that confused him more.

"Something else is troubling you." Aizen's gravelly voice turned to a longing whisper and that made both shinigamis wince in their lack of subtlety.

"Yeah, it does, but I don't think you will be much of help now."

"Don't be so sure, Ichigo Kurosaki. For some people that seem to have all the answers, you spend a lot of time here asking me questions. What is it now? Don't tell me that it is still about the voice."

"I don't want to-"

"Please, Ichigo," Aizen muttered harshly, "spare me. While I have all the time in the world to waste, you seem to have none. And the longer you stay here, the more chances for your icy protector to come here too. Also, you're making your ignorant friend uncomfortable." Aizen ignored Renji's sharp _shut up, traitor _and continued. "So what do you want to know?"

"Why are you so keen in answering any question that I might have?"

"Again a stupid question but I will answer it this time." Aizen's calculating eyes bore into Ichigo with an unsettling intensity. "Because you are the only person in this filthy society to worth my time. So what is it that you want to know?"

"Are we bonded?" Ichigo asked straight away, making Renji sputter in the corner and Aizen's eyes widen in surprise.

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Just answer the question."

"Yes, I could do that, but the problem is if you will be able to handle the answer."

"I can handle anything at this point."

"Then yes, Ichigo," Aizen answered, his voice full of poison, "we are bonded."

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><p><em>AN: Pitiful excuses for not updating in some time can be found on my profile if you're interested at all. I just want to thank you for your unwavering support during my absence, for still reading and taking your time to leave a few words or just enjoy my story. I humbly thank you. I apologize for any mistakes left (also I am sure that every now and then a letter might be missing, due to my stupid keyboard but never mind that)._


	15. Bond

**Disclaimer**: After all this time, nothing has changed: Tite Kubo still owns _Bleach_ and I am still just a pathetic fanfiction writer, borrowing his characters for entertainment purposes only.

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to __**Asarita**__, whose message made me want to write this again, and to all of you out there who had the misfortune of still wanting to read my stories._

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><p><strong>15. Bond<strong>

"Are we bonded?" Ichigo asked straight away, making Renji sputter in the corner and Aizen's eyes widen in surprise.

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Just answer the question."

"Yes, I could do that, but the problem is if you will be able to handle the answer."

"I can handle anything at this point."

"Then yes, Ichigo," Aizen answered, his voice full of poison, "we are bonded."

Renji's eyes turned slowly towards his friend trying to see whether he should take Ichigo out of the room right away or endure another moment. It was sad but not surprising to see Ichigo shutting down almost completely, his face carefully blank, his posture so incredibly tensed. Most likely, he wasn't even aware of doing it, but for Renji it was the perfect proof to show the absurd depth to which the Winter War has marked Ichigo. Everyone had perceived his best friend as this amazing guy that couldn't be hurt, whose brash attitude would always come in handy, especially when it was time for a sacrifice. But now, looking at the way Ichigo was retreating back into himself, his shoulders squared in a tensed line that could snap at any time, Renji wondered whether the so called process of healing had even remotely begun.

"Why are you so shocked?" Aizen smirked and Renji barely held himself together, trying to hold back from punching the bastard. Repeatedly.

"I am not shocked. I wished for another answer but I am not shocked." Ichigo whispered calmly before looking at Aizen dead on. "But you and I both know that we aren't talking about the same type of connection. While I am aware that at some level, disgusting as it may be, I am tied to you, I am not talking about that."

"Disgusting?" Pure rage burnt into hazel eyes. Renji felt pity for the former commander of the fifth division for he seemed now more alive than he had been ever before. "Why is it disgusting? Because you know that what I said is true? Because we are so much alike?"

"That and because sometimes I think you wished me into existence, Sousuke Aizen." The blunt words stirred different reactions into the two men present: while Renji was shocked into thinking that Ichigo believed to be connected with such a bastard on such a deep level, Aizen was somehow pleased that there was something, even the flimsiest tread that could connect him to Ichigo.

Ichigo remained impassive to both reactions. The brash kid that he once was had died on a battlefield almost alone, starring down at a monster who wanted to obliterate everything he loved. That kid knew nothing about the powers that he held, about his past and about his feelings ever being corresponded. That kid was far from what he was today, as he was staring down at Aizen. His former enemy absorbed every move that Ichigo made, every tip of his head, every word.

"I didn't wish you into existence, Ichigo, though perhaps I wished unconsciously to meet you. I know you have felt the pull on that hill, among all those brainless puppets."

"Perhaps. That is why I am saying that I know we are bonded in that sense. I know that you and I are different sides of the same coin. We have fought for two completely different things, and while I don't pretend that I didn't want power, that I didn't enjoy certain battles, you and I both know that at the root of all my battles has been the desire to protect everyone I love. You on the other hand have been consumed by your desire for power and greatness and even now you're still convinced that you were in the right."

"I will never understand your fondness for these mere shinigamis with no prospects of attaining greatness, when you and I could have ruled over them effortlessly."

"Why are you so stubborn in making me another mirror of you?"

"Can't you guess, Ichigo?" The tinge of wistfulness made Renji almost sick. Ichigo tilted his head like a puppy, trying to understand each word uttered to him, the way Aizen was looking at him. Ichigo's next words felt like a punch in the gut to Renji.

"You love me."

Renji's eyes widened in disbelief as his best friend looked astounded by the discovery.

"Why is it so hard to believe?" Aizen shamelessly licked his lips. "You are the closest I will ever have to an equal."

"Renji, get out!"

"What? If you think that I am going to leave you alone with this guy, especially after he just confessed his supposed love to you, you are fucking out of your mind."

"I am no child and I can handle my own battles. I need to be alone with him."

"No, absolutely not."

Ichigo looked at his friend with his burning eyes again. It struck Renji then how Ichigo would still look to him as the most powerful person in the room, even when the captains and heroes of Soul Society were in the same room. However, right now, Ichigo looked stronger than never, no even a remote emotion out of place, no reiatsu floating around. Perhaps he has learned is lessons well from captain Kuchiki, or worse, he had become very good at hiding his emotions. And Renji truly thought that the latter meant catastrophy for Ichigo's soul.

"It wasn't a request. Get out of here now."

They stared at each other for what seemed like forever before Renji finally stepped back.

"Whatever."

His fury was boiling his insides as he slammed the door leaving the two former enemies in the room, staring at each other. Ichigo took a step towards Aizen and slowly reached for his cheek, until his warmth touched the coldness of the other man's body, sipping through the icy skin like an elixir of life. Aizen's hazel eyes flickered with an unnamed emotion and unhurriedly Ichigo leaned towards him until there was nothing left between them just a small breath. If one of them took a deeper breath, their lips would touch. Aizen's lips burnt with the intensity of that small breath.

"You don't love me." Ichigo murmured at last, staring back at Aizen. "You don't even begin to understand the concept of love. It is as alien to you as the concept of equality."

"Just because I don't write odes to your body or assert my feelings, that doesn't mean that love is not there. Why is everyone insisting in seeing me as a monster I don't know." Aizen moved his head forward, almost reaching Ichigo's lips, but the young man raised his head. Sadness poured through every invisible cell of his reiatsu.

"You don't love me, Aizen. Maybe you are infatuated with me, because I proved myself powerful enough to challenge you, but this doesn't mean love. There are certain things that you will never feel and this is one of them. You destroyed me, you almost completely destroyed the ones I love and my world." Ichigo patted his cheek and then finally let go.

That small gesture pierced through Aizen's soul a thousand times worse than that cross that sealed him. All his life, Sousuke Aizen had been alone, even when surrounded by his accomplices, even when his men and women who served under him surrounded him. This loneliness crept into his heart and then gradually into is soul until there was no one left for him anymore except for himself and his zanpaktou. Afterward, loneliness began to eat greedily at his soul time and time again; the more his powers were underrated or feared or despised, the more he hated the ones around him, seeing them as weak and disposable. As such, with time, the people around him became weapons to use and then dispose of, not that he ever had their loyalty.

One by one, even though they had the same hate for Soul Society, Tousen and Ichimaru have betrayed them, Tousen when faced with Hisagi and when Gin faced Rangiku. They all left him alone with his power. After all these centuries of solitude, of scheming and plotting, after betraying, killing and destroying all those who stood against him, who saw his true nature, it took just one kid, one simple kid to ruin everything.

And he has ruined the innocence of this boy, and he has killed him time and time again, destroyed everything, making him disappear and wanting to die, and yet, with the same stubbornness, this kid had come back repeatedly, each time more powerful, each time more stubborn and more beautiful. There has never been anyone like him before in his life, and probably there will never be.

He did not know whether this could be called love, or just infatuation, however, he knew that Ichigo had stirred something in his heart and now it felt at being more alive than ever.

"Yes, I did all that." Aizen said taking a deep breath. "And I would do this all over again, nevertheless this time making sure I take care of all the weaklings."

"You will never change."

"At least I am not a hypocrite, like the rest of Soul Society. Do you think they really care about you, Ichigo? Don't you think it is more convenient for them to have your power here, with them, saving them from past mistakes, protecting them from future threats? They are going to use you and then discard you as they have done with others time and times again, and your boyfriend won't be able to do anything. Hell, he might even help them."

"Some things change, Aizen." Ichigo smiled sadly at him. "I know that I am not indispensable, but I have friends and family, people who truly care for me and that's enough for me. There might come a day when I will become a threat for them and in that case, I would rather have them kill me than me hurting them."

"Then why are you still here? Go and play with those weaklings and remember what I told you when they will backstab you."

"I came here, because as you said there is a connection between the two of us and there are certain things that only you can help me to figure them out."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because if not, I will stop coming here and you can remain in your solitude for the thousands of years to come."

They looked at each other for a very long time, assessing each other, before Aizen finally sighed and said:

"All right, I will play this new and interesting game. For now at least, but there might come a time when I don't want to talk about anything."

"I am ready to accept that."

"Very well. What do you want to know?"

"Who is the voice?"

"Good question, not so easily to answer." Aizen squared his shoulders within the black shroud. "I think that the voice might be the Hogyokou."

"The Hogyokou? But how?"

"I am not exactly sure. When it was in my possession, I could feel it like another presence at the back of my mind but there was no conscious connection between me and it, no conversation ever occurred."

"But how could it be the Hogyokou? Did it disappear with me?"

"Ichigo, one question: where were you when you disappeared?"

"I don't know exactly. He said that it was another world, created for me especially but that he couldn't hold me there forever."

"Have you spoken to Urahara?"

"No," Ichigo hesitated, "I wasn't able to reach him."

"He would be able to explain better than me the true nature of the Hogyokou and its true powers. I think it was Hogyokou, who helped you survive and keeps talking to you. Maybe your bond is with it."

"I sincerely doubt it." Ichigo settled in front of Aizen in a more comfortable position, passing his fingers through his hair. "I was told that when I almost died, I formed a bond with someone close, who was present there."

"Why did you think it could be me?"

"I felt the way our zanpaktous communicated between the two of them." Ichigo sighed. "It never happened to me before, not even with Byakuya. And besides, who else could it be?"

"I was not the only person there. The Kuchikis, the red haired ape, and Urahara were there too. "

"I don't know." Ichigo scratched his chin and looked up at Aizen grinning suddenly like a lunatic. "Can you imagine if I would be bonded to Renji?"

"That would be a sight." A smile almost flickered on Aizen's lips and for a moment Ichigo grinned harder before suddenly becoming serious again.

"Do you think, I mean could it be possible for me to have the Hogyokou inside of me like it happened to Rukia?"

"It might be possible. Although I am sure that it wouldn't be able to be dormant like in her case. His powers would be awaken due to your incredible reiatsu."

"Thus the voice and the almost presence around me."

"That would be an explanation."

"Right." Ichigo rose back to his feet. "Well, in that case, the conversation between me and the voice will be very interesting next time around. Thanks for that I guess."

"You're welcome."

Ichigo turned around and he almost opened the door, when Aizen's cold voice stopped him on his tracks:

"I guess this is goodbye."

Ichigo starred at the dark wood in front of him, at all those symbols, which meant nothing to him, and then finally looked back at Aizen.

"Do you want it to be?"

Aizen looked shocked when he almost chocked on a 'no'.

"Then see you around, old man."

Ichigo closed the door after him and looked at Renji, whose stormy eyes promised nothing good. He was leaning against the wall, his entire reiatsu screaming angry and worry and hurt.

"So what has happened?" He hissed. "Did you two kiss and made up?"

Ichigo took a deep breath, trying not to let the words hurt him too bad. The truth was that he did not know yet how to handle the revelation that he just had and his friend's hostility was not helping him one bit.

"If you weren't my best friend, I would punch you in the face and make you eat your words." Ichigo gritted before walking away on the corridor. After a few steps, he felt Renji walking along side him, just like always, having his back. They walked in companionable silence for a while then the lieutenant sighed.

"I guess I was an ass." The best apology he will ever have.

"I guess you were, but then again I am used to you being an ass so I don't mind. Much."

"Yeah, yeah." Renji put his arm around his shoulders as they got out of the gloomy building. "So did you find out anything interesting?"

"Actually more than I thought I would. When his brain doesn't drown in desires to kill and destroy everyone, Aizen is actually almost all right."

"Dude, have you completely lost your mind?"

"I guess. Now stop nagging me. I need to find out a good excuse to give Byakuya."

"Yeah, good luck with that."

"Yeah, I am going to need it. But seriously," Ichigo stopped and looked at his friend, "not a word of Aizen's feelings for me to Byakuya. It's not the best moment for this sort of confessions."

"Are you sure you want to hide this from him?"

"What doesn't know, it can't hurt him."

"I am not sure that this is the best way to handle the captain, but it's your ass on line anyways." Renji stopped one moment then grinned maniacally. "Literally."

"I don't know why I am friends with you." Ichigo said annoyed, pushing Renji away from him.

"Because you love me?"

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Because I saved your ass countless times?"

"When have you ever saved my ass?" Ichigo scowled at his best friend as they continued their banter on the whole way home. It was something comforting in having Renji next to him, keeping the confusing thoughts at bay.

The faint light of the dusk caressed everything when he returned to the Kuchiki mansion. The orange hues were almost embracing Byakuya's prone figure as the older man waited for him on the porch drinking peacefully his tea.

Ichigo stopped and admired the man that he loved. Byakuya's hair was falling freely on his shoulders, while his eyes were closed. He was still dressed in his uniform and even in that peaceful moment, Byakuya looked larger than life. Ichigo felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him.

"Are you going to stand there all night and look at me or are you going to come here next to me?" Byakuya's onyx eyes opened suddenly and looked at Ichigo with an unhidden desire, a burning passion that had not been there before. It left him breathless.

"It depends. Are you going to kick my ass?"

"I see you are more than fine, since your crude language is back in place."

"And hurting your sensibilities." Ichigo said and settled next to Byakuya. Almost instantly, a servant appeared and poured a cup of tea for him as well, leaving them alone afterwards. The silence between them was comfortable for once, the noises of the night harmoniously floating around them.

"Is everything all right?" Ichigo finally dared to ask after a while.

"Shouldn't I be the one to ask you this?" Byakuya's gentle eyes looked back at him and Ichigo would never get tired to bask in that look.

"I am fine. Aizen opened my eyes a bit and offered me some details. I am not sure how much it will help me, but the discussion was enlightening."

"I am glad." Byakuya leaned closer to him and cupped his cheek, slowly caressing it with his thumb. Pushing a little bit more, he settled on watching Ichigo locking his lips anticipating nervously what was going to happen next. "May I kiss you?" He murmured, his breath caressing Ichigo's lips.

"You can do whatever you want to me." The orange glow of the dusk seemed to explode around them making Ichigo's beautiful hair shine like a crown, and maybe he had become in a very small amount of time the kind of Byakuya's world, but in that moment suspended in eternity, Byakuya felt the incredible need to kiss this man, to possess every fiber of him.

His lips pressed greedily against the younger but plush ones. And as they parted welcoming his tongue, Byakuya pushed closer to the young man's body, trying to taste everything. Ichigo's fingers passed through his hair, settling on the back of his neck, making small needy noises that made Byakuya go crazy and passionately kiss him. Harder. Deeper.

"You are so beautiful." Byakuya whispered when they parted at last in their quest for air.

"You're not too bad yourself." The young shinigami replied, looking a little dazed and for a moment, the captain felt proud at being the one that put that look on Ichigo's face.

"Do you want to have dinner with me?"

"Yes. But lets stay like this a little longer." And Ichigo settled into Byakuya's arms and together they watched the last rays of sun dying for yet another day and fading into the night. Every once in a while they would look at each other and trade small lingering kisses, washing away worries and thoughts about other commanders and voices and death.

Then there was no hesitation in the way their bodies moved next to each other as they made their way towards the dining room. Gravity seemed to pull them together, closer still than ever before.

That night Ichigo went to bed with a silly smile on his face, thinking that it was a good decision to let Byakuya into his heart, even if they were taking it slow. And he fell asleep to the ghost of gentle lips and silky raven hair caressing his face.

It must have been hours later when suddenly the world around him exploded in a cacophony of sounds and light, making his head ache with a debilitating power. He screamed when that powerful light surrounded him again the same light that had engulfed him when he had been about to die from his wounds. It burnt the world around him, and Ichigo screamed until he was left voiceless. And then the voice full of alarm pierced through its veil, an invisible hand reaching to him.

"Wake up, Ichigo! You have to wake up now! They are coming! They are coming for you!"

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><p><em>AN: I apologize for any mistake left in this chapter, whether it is grammatical, or a spelling-related, and for the stiff, all over the place writing. To be honest, I was thinking of giving up. Real life is kicking my you know what at the moment, I haven't been inspired in ages, and I thought about just abandoning my stories and delete them and just vanish into thin air. But then I read a story that I liked very much, which was left unfinished. And then messages came from you guys wanting to read updates, wanting to know what is going on. So I thought that I must be insane to even remotely think of abandoning these two because they make sense to me and I love writing about them. So here I am again, with a promise that my other stories will be updated sooner than you think and they will be finished. I apologize for the delay and this long note. Thank you; you don't know how much I appreciate your support and what it means to me._


	16. Wounds

**Disclaimer**: _Bleach_ and everything related to it belongs to Kubo Tite, for he is the genius behind these incredible characters.

Sixteen

**Wounds**

It must have been hours later when suddenly the world around him exploded in a cacophony of sounds and light, making his head ache with a debilitating power. He screamed when that powerful light surrounded him again, the same light that had engulfed him when he had been about to die from his wounds. It burnt the world around him, and Ichigo screamed until he was left voiceless. And then the voice full of alarm pierced through its veil, an invisible hand reaching to him.

_Wake up, Ichigo! You have to wake up now! They are coming! They are coming for you!_

The cool but invisible hand settled on his shoulder and Ichigo opened his eyes in time to see his room scorched in white light, piercing his very own soul. The voice was almost corporeal, a huge presence next to him, making him feel safe even if it was just for a few moments, even if the power of the light around him was growing steadier by the minute.

"What's going on? What is happening?"

_I don't understand_. The voice wailed. _Why can't I protect you? Why is my power fading again? Why? Why? You have to run. Ichigo. Run! Run!_

"Where?" Ichigo gasped as a sudden wave of pain hit him hard, pressing angrily into his chest making him gasp for air. "There is no where to run! What is this place?"

_It is the dimension in which I took you when I healed you, when you were dying._

"And who is coming for me?" Ichigo gritted his teeth as another wave of pain hit him, this time stronger, so much more poisonous in its insidious way in which it was gripping hard at his body. It looked as if the pain was almost a person unable to let him go, jealous and possessive.

_I don't know. I don't know anything anymore_. The voice cried, pure grief within every inflexion of its tone and modulation. _All I wanted was to protect you, to give you everything and now, I don't know what is happening but you have to run, you have to wake up._

"Am I in a dream?"

_Not for long. You are letting it become a reality. I am unable to stop what is happening but please, wake up now._ The voice was sobbing now. _You have to wake up! I can't protect you here._

"Who is coming after me?"

_Please, wake up!_

Gut-wrenching pain suddenly hit him with so much force that Ichigo found himself doubled on the floor of his own room, that white light having disappeared, breathless and hoarse. He tried to steady himself as fresh pain took control of his shoulder, brandishing him with its own mark.

"Ichigo!" Byakuya's frantic voice penetrated the fog around his brain and Ichigo tried to grasp the new sense of reality that had surrounded him. The other man's gentle hands were soothingly wiping his wet cheeks and it took a few seconds to realize that he had been crying. The pain had been so incredibly intense.

"Something is wrong." Ichigo groaned as he tried to get up from the cold floor.

"You think?" Byakuya's voice could cut metal and the hardness of it made Ichigo flinch or was it because of the pain that lingered in his every bone? "What has happened?"

"I don't know." Ichigo's eyes at last met Byakuya's only to be surprised by the look of pure horror on that majestic face as slowly the captain raised his hand and looked at all the blood on it. Ichigo gasped in overwhelming horror: "Are you hurt?"

"No, it is not me, Ichigo, it is you." And the young shinigami looked down at is shoulder and the gashing wound that was there. The blood was flowing out freely like it was nothing, like no amount of stitches in the world could stop it. The pain grew exponentially, perhaps because now it was a conscious effort to keep up.

"You have to lay down." Byakuya gently helped him on the bed. He went quickly to the bathroom and came back carrying a towel, which he pressed gently against the wound, making Ichigo moan in pain. "It is all right. Everything will be all right. I will call captain Unohana."

"Byakuya," Ichigo tried to keep his boyfriend's hand into his, dizzy already with the wickedly sweet smell of blood, "what is going on? Why am I hurt?"

"I don't know, I don't know." Byakuya felt so close to lose his own composure that Ichigo tried to smile and encourage him.

"It doesn't look that bad."

"You are bleeding from a wound that suddenly appeared on your body, there is blood everywhere in your room and it is not that bad?" Incredulity and anguish poured richly from Byakuya's reiatsu and Ichigo knew that he had to calm him down or things could get way worse.

"We will figure out everything later. Right now, I need a doctor."

"Of course." The onyx eyes looked troubled at Ichigo and at the door, as he did not want to let the orange light out of his sight. Luckily, just then a servant appeared surrounded by some of the guards of the Kuchiki mansion. Byakuya pushed a little more the towel on Ichigo's shoulder, but would not let go of his as the other people looked astonished.

"You," he bellowed, looking at two of the guards, "go to headquarters of the forth division and tell captain Unohana to come urgently. Tell her that Kurosaki Ichigo is badly hurt and we need her assistance." The guards bowed a little and went to accomplish the task. "The others go and alert every guard, I want a perimeter around the mansion, no one gets in or out without my permission." The rest of the guards scrambled to follow the orders. "And you go and bring more towels to try and stop the bleeding. And some water." The servant bowed and went to alarm the rest of the household.

"I forgot what a scary man you can be, when you are the Kuchiki heir." Ichigo mumbled, as he grew paler.

"You should shut up and let me take care of you." Byakuya snapped back as he murmured a spell. A blue light suddenly appeared and drowned into the blood of Ichigo's wound, easing a little the pain. "Why are you hurt?" There was utter agony into Byakuya's voice. "You were not supposed to get hurt under my watch. Who attacked you? Tell me who did it and I will bring you their heart on a silver platter."

"No need for that." Ichigo whispered back trying to stay focused. The loss of blood was affecting him more and more. "I remember going to bed and then waking up in pure agony as the voice was trying to wake me up and make me run."

"The voice? Run? Run from whom?"

"I don't know. But it was as if I could almost see it. It never felt more real than in that moment." Ichigo closed his eyes, trying to swallow besides the sickly lump in his throat. "It was crying. It was crying because it couldn't protect me anymore. And I was back into that agonizing light when it healed me." Ichigo opened his warm brown eyes and tried to smile at Byakuya. "I will be all right. We will figure it out."

"Shouldn't I be the one comforting you?" The older man tried to smile but failed spectacularly, anguish marring his beautiful features. The servant returned with another one following his footsteps. With extraordinary gentleness, Byakuya changed the towel and then helped Ichigo drink a glass of water. He dismissed the servant and let them wait outside of the room.

"Hey, it is not that bad." Ichigo gritted, trying to keep at bay a new wave of sickness. "You and I have had worse."

"But not like this. Never like this. Not while you were under my watch." Byakuya smoothed a rebel strand of orange hair. "You can't keep doing this to me, Ichigo. You can't keep getting hurt like this."

"I am trying." Ichigo smiled feebly at him. "But I guess I am not doing a very good job at it."

Byakuya was about to reply when captain Unohana followed by her lieutenant and Rukia entered the room.

"Captain Kuchiki, I can take it from here." She said firmly as she sat next to Ichigo on the other side. Byakuya almost snapped at her, but then again he knew that there was only one person in the entire Soul Society that could heal Ichigo and that was she. He slowly bowed and kissed Ichigo's brow, putting into it the entire power of his longing. Then he stood up and exited the room without another glance back because he was not sure he would be able to leave Ichigo alone there if he would have another glimpse of the young man.

Rukia followed him closely. Her brows creased in worry, her entire reiatsu screaming anxiousness. Byakuya looked at his bloodied, Ichigo's blood on his hands. It made him sick to his stomach to think that once he had caused so much damage and more to such precious flesh.

"What has happened? Why is Ichigo hurt?" His sister asked unable to handle the silence anymore.

"I do not know." He steadied his breath, fisting his hands. "I was woken up by his screams and by the time I got in his room, he was already bleeding on the floor. He says that the voice tried to warn him, that something was going on."

"But what? I don't understand."

"I do not know, Rukia." He snapped at her and his sister flinched under his hard stare. "I am sorry but all I care right now is for Ichigo to be all right. I do not care about anything else at the moment."

"You really care about him, don't you?" She whispered softly, tenderly grasping his forearm and holding it tight.

"Without Ichigo, there is no light in the world." Byakuya answered simply and it was the truth. He wished sometimes he would exaggerate, but it had become a reality a long time ago. How he could have been so blind, he could not comprehend. But ever since Ichigo had become a part of the world here, Byakuya's own world had tilted towards Ichigo, revolving around him. He dedicated a lot of his time between his duties as the head of the Kuchiki family and as a captain to try to grasp the meaning of the beautiful orange puzzle that Ichigo had become for him.

As he washed his trembling hands, Byakuya wished he knew what to do. He kept failing at keeping Ichigo safe and he did not handle failure well. He wished he had known what was to be done. He had always known what to do and now he found himself in a position he never would have even dreamed of being into. Why was he always losing like this? Keeping the loved ones safe seemed an impossible feat for him.

His hands froze. Loved ones? His entire body shook with an unnamed emotion. Love? Dare he call it like that?

"Master Kuchiki, master Rukia, captain Unohana calls for you back into master Ichigo's room."

As soon as he entered the room, Byakuya felt himself relax just a little. Ichigo was less pale and the dark circles around his eyes seemed not to be so profound. His bright orange hair was a little mated on his side and Byakuya could almost think that the situation was not as serious as it looked previously if it hadn't been for the bloodied towels on the floor.

"I wish I could explain the situation a little better," captain Unohana began in her kind voice, "but I am not sure what the situation truly is. From what Ichigo-san explained to me, he was not attacked."

"But if he was not attacked, how come he was wounded?" Rukia interrupted.

"The most puzzling thing about this situation is the fact that the wound looks actually old, although it bled like a fresh wound. In fact, at a closer examination, I found other bruises and small wounds on Ichigo's body that looked really old."

"What you are saying, Unohana-san, is that my old battle wounds appeared back on my body?" Ichigo asked merciless as the others looked in terror at the healing captain,\ waiting for her to deny the truth behind Ichigo's words.

"Yes, Ichigo-san, at least it looks that way."

"That is why it was so sad. That is why I was back there."

"Back where, Ichigo?"

"Remember when I told you I almost died?" Ichigo sighed. "When the voice healed me, it brought me to a place where there was this scorching white light. The healing process was very painful and I thought tonight that I was back to that place."

"Could it be then that if these wounds appeared on Ichigo's body, the others, more serious, almost fatal ones would appear?" Rukia asked horror stricken and ready to cry.

"It is a possibility." Unohana-san admitted sadly.

"No, I will not allow it." Byakuya burst, his voice as hard as steel. "There is no such thing as returning wounds.

"I think at the moment the best way would be to let Ichigo rest and talk about it in the morning, when our heads are clearer and ready to find solution. I would suggest that this new development would be discussed at the meeting of the captains as a matter of urgency."

"Oh, man, don't make a fuss about it." Ichigo groaned, passing his fingers through his outwardly hair.

"I think we are entitled to make a fuss and more about it, Ichigo-san. I will let you rest now and come in the morning to check for your wounds. I would advise to call for the human girl with her healing powers as well."

"I will go for her in the morning." Rukia said and Unohana followed by her lieutenant and Rukia said her goodbyes to Ichigo and Byakuya before leaving them alone. The older man approached the bed and sat gently next to it, his hand cupping tenderly Ichigo's cheek, a thumb smoothing crinkles of pain.

"I can hear you thinking." Ichigo scowled. "Stop it. It is not your fault. For once, I think it isn't my fault either."

"Then who do I need to blame for this?" Byakuya asked almost pained. Quietly, he leaned over and pressed butterfly kisses into the beloved face of the young man, just as Ichigo's eyes burned with that intense emotion again. "You are precious, Ichigo Kurosaki, so precious, and so beautiful you sometimes make my heart stop. You make me want things that I had never thought of before, you make me be a better person and you make me want to stop the entire world if only it means that I can keep you whole and safe with me."

"Byakuya…" Ichigo mumbled, as his unwounded arm snaked around his shoulders pulling him closer still, letting the older man worshipping him.

"It scares me how much you mean to me now." Byakuya's breath caressed Ichigo's ear, his lips pressing gently again in the tender spot. "You are not expendable. You are not insignificant. You are a protector; you are a hero that sacrifices everything for the loved ones. You are a savior and a survivor. You are precious, Ichigo, please, believe me."

And the young man closed his eyes, tears falling silently on his cheeks. Byakuya licked them before his lips finally pressed gently over plump lips, generous in the way they parted. And Byakuya kissed hungrily the young man, unable to get away from him.

"Thank you." Ichigo mumbled when they parted, his eyes opening and glancing back at Byakuya's eyes dark with desire.

"I should be the one to thank you. And I promise I will but for now I wanted you to know that."

"So I don't pull another disappearing act on you?"

"So you would understand the pain that you cause to others when you think so little of yourself."

"Hey, I haven't said anything."

"But you thought it." Byakuya kissed him again and then settled next to Ichigo. "Now sleep, Ichigo Kurosaki, and we shall speak of this more in depth tomorrow morning."

"Sure, I am always available for hearing people singing my praises." Ichigo closed his eyes smiling, less afraid to go to sleep now that Byakuya was next to him. The steady breath of the older man lulled him to sleep and thankfully, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

The rays of sun woke him playfully as they played on his face. A dull ache nested in his shoulder and the head was hurting a little but other than that Ichigo felt fine. Byakuya was still sleeping next to him and Ichigo carefully disentangled himself from the older man's body, placing a loving kiss on his cheek. He went to the bathroom and carefully washed his pale face before he opened the robe and took a look at his body in the mirror. Old scars had reappeared during the night, some old bruises that were not there before.

He pulled the robe around his body again, trying to ignore the reality of it. He got out of the bathroom, and looked at Byakuya who was still sleeping peacefully. Slowly, he pulled a blanket on him and went out in the garden. The mist of the morning was still covering the surroundings, although the sun was piercing through it proud and happy.

Ichigo inhaled deeply, trying to forget about the ache in the shoulder.

"Are you going to pretend that you are not here for the rest of my remaining days?" He asked abruptly and the breeze surrounded him protectively. Ichigo huffed. "No need to pretend anymore."

_I am not pretending. I never did. _

"No more games, no more riddles and no more demands to trust you." Ichigo sighed as he passed his fingers through his hair irritated. "I need you to answer my questions because I am sick and tired of this game."

_I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've never meant to hurt you. I will answer all your questions._

"Ok, ok, it's good to know that you aren't pulling the disappearing act on me again. First question: are you the Hogyokou?"

_In a way, yes I am, but I am so much more. _Silence settle for a moment, but then the voice began to speak again although a little weaker than before._ I think at the beginning, this is what I was. I was just a simple stone hidden inside a shinigami's body, asleep, away from feelings and emotions. Then I felt a powerful being taking control of me, and I was still asleep and then suddenly the world exploded into a sea of noises and colors and emotions. It was when I suddenly felt your presence, as if your soul sang to me. I would have waited you for an eternity_.

"What do you mean you are so much more than the Hogyokou?"

_My consciousness was born with you, Ichigo_. The voice sighed. _But as soon as my consciousness was born, all of a sudden, my powers exploded and became rampaging. I can't control them more than you can. They fluctuate and they set me traps, and every time I think I have them under my reign, they disappear all over again. I gained a voice but at what a cost?_

"Why did you save me then?" Ichigo scowled at thin air, the rays of sun now more powerful.

_I saved you because you wanted to die, because you wanted to disappear. I saved you because you are the purest soul I had sensed into this plane of existence and yet you desperately wanted to die, to protect the ones you loved. You had attained power and yet you didn't want it, you were afraid of it._ The voice grew fainter. _I will not regret that I…. but now…._

"Wait! Goddamn it! Tell me, what is happening to me? Don't pull this crap on me again!"

_Your wounds … coming back..._ The grief was almost palpable in every uttered word. _I think my powers…. broken the barriers…_ The voice became fainter and fainter, as if losing the spark of life than once had brought it into consciousness and existence. Ichigo's rage melted into a sudden explosion of sunny light and the voice yelled with all the left powers. _Ichigo, please, I don't want you to die_.

Silence. Abruptly, Ichigo became aware of the morning noises within the garden.

"Ichigo, are you all right?" He turned around and almost gasped when he saw how gorgeous Byakuya looked in the morning light, his raven hair looking silky and Ichigo's hands twitched with the need to touch it. Forgetting the voice's grim predictions, Ichigo grinned.

"I am fine. Absolutely fine." And maybe he would have believed his own lie, if the pain in his whole body hadn't intensified. He looked up at the sky. The question now was if he was really going to die.

* * *

><p><em>AN: As always, I apologize for any mistake left. Thank you so much for your overwhelming support and absolutely kind words (not sure I deserved them, but thank you). I am grateful to you and I hope that you will enjoy the chapters to come, because I feel this story has just become a little more dramatic than I had anticipated. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you._


	17. Soul

**Disclaimer**: Tite Kubo is the rightful owner of _Bleach_ and everything related to it.

Seventeen

**Soul**

"Silence!" Captain Yamamoto roared and silence befell the hall almost instantly, all captains and lieutenants snapping to attention. He stared down at them, at times feeling like a kindergarten teacher encharged of three-years olds with superpowers, one more erratic than the other. Other times he felt like a drained parent whose children had gone to war too many times, occasionally returning with wounds hard to heal or not returning at all. He had seen so many faces gone, potential generals and zero division hopes disappearing on the battlefield, their souls absconded in the immense beyond of nothingness.

However, he had never felt so betrayed in his beliefs, as he was feeling at that moment, glancing at Ichigo Kurosaki, the bright orange spot of color in the otherwise uniform world. The young man was poised, his shoulders squared and yet there was tension marring the handsome features and the head captain sighed again. Byakuya Kuchiki watched the young shinigami like a hawk for any other horrible surprise but by the look of it, at the moment the turmoil must have settled down.

"We gathered today to discuss the new development in Ichigo's health and we will do so professionally. Let us not waste this young man's precious time or mine for that matter. Ichigo, care to explain again what has happened so that you describe only once for all the captains and lieutenants to hear?"

Ichigo pinched his nose, the massive headache not gone from his body yet. He was tired as if he undergone ten rounds with Zaraki Kenpachi.

"Like I said, I don't remember much of it. I went to sleep, and woke up in the light again, the same light where I was brought right after I disappeared following the battle. I was in pain and then the voice suddenly was there, telling me to wake up and run as they awee after me. When I woke up again, I was in pain, and my shoulder was bleeding heavily."

"Do you think that it is possible for the voice to have done this?" Ukitake-san asked in a gentle voice, as the other captains were still busy gasping in dismay, disbelief painted over their faces like stark masks.

"No, it tried to shield me away. But I guess it didn't have too much success."

"What can you tell us about the wounds, captain Unohana?"

"The wound on Ichigo's shoulder is not life threatening although it bled profusely. However, I am concerned that the wound presented itself as being old, and at a closer examination, I discovered on his body other bruises and wounds that had appeared over night." Captain Unohana sighed before adding. "I am afraid that other wounds are susceptible to appear and that this is not in fact an isolated incident."

"What?" Captain Hitsugaya exclaimed. "But how is that even possible? I have never heard of old wounds appear before."

"Nor have I, captain Hitsugaya, but we must all bear in mind the fact that Ichigo was not in fact healed in Soul Society. Many of his wounds have been healed by his own body, the human girl Orihime and by that voice, whatever it had been." She turned towards the head captain. "I am unable to provide you with an explanation as to why this has happened and I can't surely guess what will come next."

"Can we find any spell that counterattacks or at least prevents partially Kurosaki-san from exposure to other wounds?" Captain Komamura suggested.

"There is no such thing," the captain of the twelfth division said in a malevolent voice, "then again, I would be more than happy to study the young man if he allows me and see this phenomenon in its various stages. The following results and observations could prove beneficial for all of us."

"You only think of your damn experiments." Kenpachi snarled, "and one of these days I will show you where this path leads."

"This is not the time for such superficial discussions and unless you have something to contribute with, I will ask all of you to keep silent until you are told to speak." The temperature in the hall dropped several degrees as the head captain dared to look at all of them. "I am not concerned with your petty squabbles at the moment and neither should you as the Soul Society savior is in risk of dying unless we do something."

Byakuya tensed progressively as the discussion went on. The constant mention of death was making him angrier at each passing moment and they were far from finding a solution. Suddenly, there was movement and before everyone else became even aware of it, the captain of the sixth division was astonished to see that the young shinigami was retreating.

"Kurosaki, where are you going?" He demanded to know suddenly furious. Calm brown eyes looked back at him and then at each captain while silence befell once again over the hall.

"I don't think you need me." He replied harshly. "While you debate all this nonsense, I have a class that I don't want to miss since I am horrific at controlling my reiatsu as my professor said before."

"Kurosaki-san, please, we are trying to find a solution for your own benefit." Captain Ukitake intervened kindly as the other men continued to measure each other.

"Really?" The disbelief poured heavily in Ichigo's voice. "For my own benefit?" The doubt there in that young voice hurt more that a thousand battles Byakuya had ever faced. "Realistically speaking, I would say that there aren't many chances of that to happen, Ukitake-san. I mean, you guys haven't been able to find a way to keep my body alive in the real world and you actually think that you might find a cure for these wounds that appeared on my body again?"

"Ichigo!" Rukia exclaimed, voicing the distress that all the others felt. The orange haired man blinked confused as if he didn't believe he had uttered those words, but it was a testament as to how little true progress Ichigo had achieved since trying to adapt to Soul Society and the new life.

"See?" He smiled deprecatingly, sadness flooding his voice. "I am no good here. I will just say this: if the voice wasn't able to help and protect me, then I sincerely doubt that you guys will be able to do much. Sometimes, all of you suck at protecting what you love."

The hurt in their eyes made Ichigo hasting his retreat. As he exited the hall, he took a deep breath, still in shock that he had hurt his friends like that. But the sad part about it was that it was true. There was no point in refuting that just as there was no point in denying that Ichigo had acquired a lot of resentment lately.

There was still time until his class so he decided not to flash step to the academy and instead take a long walk to calm his spirit. While he was happy that he and Byakuya were reaching a new stage in their relationship and he was more than happy to have the older man's attention, there were things missing in his life, people that he needed to see: his dad, his sisters, his friends. They were his entire universe and he had just wanted to enjoy that in peace after the war. But after his battle with Ulquiora, he discovered that the dream had become impossible.

Becoming the monster that he was back then, then turning one with his blade to defeat a man, all the time craving for that power had changed something vital in the core of his soul.

_King…_ His hallow whispered wistfully. _It is not your fault_.

"It sure feels like it." Ichigo closed his eyes under the weight of his new thoughts. The battle that he undergone with Aizen had mutated his own very soul, had made him see himself like the monster that he essentially was. The time spent there, in between worlds, had been the most peaceful he had felt in a very long time.

"Do I fall in the category of those who fail at protecting those he loves?" The gravely voice made Ichigo shudder as he tried to breathe before finally opening his eyes and looking back at Byakuya's stony eyes.

"I didn't mean that." And every word was true as Ichigo still remembered vividly how Byakuya had been pierced by Ichimaru's zanpaktou in attempt to protect his sister. The older man cupped his face with his strong and calloused hands. Those elegant hands that have gripped tight the sword too many times, that have been pouring spells and reiatsu all around grounded him now.

"Yes, you meant that, Ichigo, because you never say something that you don't mean." Byakuya retorted, steel in his voice as in his eyes. "You never waste words. So tell me if this was a reference to me as well."

Ichigo shoved away the hands and took a step back, trying to breathe. In front of him, Byakuya's arms fell with a sort of hopeless motion.

"You asked me to give you a chance, Byakuya, and this is what I am doing." Ichigo scowled, thrown off kilter by the other man's words. "So don't push me because I really don't want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk about it?" The dangerous edge in the voice warned Ichigo that Byakuya wasn't prepared to let it go at all. "You don't want to talk about it, that is absolutely fine, Kurosaki. But lately there are a lot of things that you avoid talking about. Like your nightmares, the voice, you visits to Aizen, your discussions with him, and everything else. You avoid talking even about this thing, whatever it is between us, if there is truly a thing."

"Byakuya…"

"No, Ichigo, I have done my best." Byakuya's voice suddenly seemed cracked with unforeseeable emotions. "Ever since you returned you punish us, by not taking care of yourself, by being so oblivious to the gravity of your situation at the moment, by keeping on visiting that foul man. But most of all, you punish me and I demand to know why."

"I am not-"

"Please, Ichigo, you have to stop playing the avoidance game. Nothing good will come out of it. I need to know the truth."

"I don't-"

"Ichigo!"

"Because you came for me!" Ichigo yelled and as soon as the words flew out of his mouth, he wanted them back. But it was too late. "Because you came for me when I was at peace, even if my spirit would have disappeared. I had told you everything I ever wanted before disappearing. There weren't any regrets left. And yet, you had to come and take me away from that place."

Ichigo rubbed his eyes, trying not o let the sudden moisture in them fall. He wasn't a boy anymore but the man in front of him always managed to reduce him to an emotional wreck.

Gentle fingers pried his hands away from his eyes, urging him to open his eyes and Ichigo complied to the silent request. Byakuya's beautiful eyes were warm with emotions and he found himself swallowing hard.

"Your soul would have disappeared," the older man muttered unable to let go.

"Perhaps, but at least I had said goodbye. At least I would have been at peace. Now I am causing pain to people again."

"How are you causing pain to people again?"

"I saw it this morning in their eyes. The concern, the guilt. I know how they feel about being rescued by a human boy. I almost died and now I am doing it again."

Byakuya's eyes widened in surprise as his hold on Ichigo's writs tightened, so typical to Ichigo to be worried about the others.

"You punish me because I came for you." The older man said, his voice heated with something mysterious simmering in it. "Do you know why I did that? Why was I able to find you, Ichigo?"

"Why?"

"Because I was angry, because until you came, I had been my own savior, my own hero. I didn't need anyone else to show me the path, because I was sure of it. And at the end it was always you who turned and twisted everything. You told me that you loved me and my heart sang and felt powerless because people like you don't fall in love with people like me, Ichigo."

"Byakuya, stop-"

"No, you have to stop punishing me and listen to me carefully. People like you vibrant and good to the core don't fall in love with people as stony as I am."

Ichigo's eyes widened even more under the power of the words.

"You are not stony." Ichigo replied feebly.

"I know myself, I know the way I am. But Ichigo, I also know the way you are. You punish me and push me away because I came after you. The truth is I wouldn't imagine any other way. If the decision would present itself time and time again to me, I would still take it and I don't regret it." And before Ichigo would mumble another response, Byakuya kissed him fiercely. Tongues clashed for control, as they tasted each other as if their thirst could be quenched only by each other's taste.

Byakuya's arms enveloped Ichigo's body mindful of the wound but still possessive, while his mouth devoured the younger man. He nipped and bit the plump lip and he thought for a moment that Ichigo never looked more delicious than when he was kissed thoroughly. The younger man's lashes fluttered on his cheeks, a small moan of pleasure rushing to escape and wow, that small sound did wonders to Byakuya's libido.

Ichigo's arms enveloped the taller man's shoulders and brought closer their bodies. Ichigo was sure that even if he would have an eternity to spend kissing Byakuya and mapping his body, he would never get tired of it.

"Stop being afraid". Byakuya whispered at his ear, then biting softly the tender jaw making the orange brat moan again.

"Byakuya," Ichigo's voice cracked suddenly and the captain looked back at his lover as the young man grew suddenly very pale, "something is wrong." And as soon as he whispered the words he abruptly groaned in pain and his knees gave away. Luckily, the captain's arms were still around him otherwise he would have collapsed under the pressure of the pain.

"Ichigo, what is wrong? What is happening?"

But there were no other words as Ichigo suddenly screamed in agony and this time blood began flowing freely from another wound, this time a gash on the chest. Byakuya had experienced only two times in his` long existence this pure undiluted horror that grabbed tight his heart threatening to drown everything. Once it had been when he realized that Hisana's death was imminent, the other when he was sure that Ichimaru Gin was going to kill his sister, and he might arrive too late. But even in those final moments, he had managed to restrain his emotions.

But now his reiatsu exploded in a rampant flow of panic and misery as Ichigo's body convulsed again under the pressure of the mysterious pain. He kneeled holding tight the young shinigami's body as it trembled agonizingly. Another gash on the left cheek, a bruise under the jaw, and blood, so much blood even though the wound didn't seem deep.

Ichigo's hand gripped Byakuya's forearm and squeezed it hard as he tried to survive the invisible onslaught of pain and hurt. The captain took a deep breath trying to calm down his grief.

"Everything will be all right, my love," he allowed himself to murmur at Ichigo's ear and the thin body began to settle. "Once it passes, I shall take you to my home where Rukia is already expecting us with Orihime and she will heal you in no time. You will be as good as new." Ichigo's grip began to relax a little. "And then I will run a hot bath, we will eat something and we will sleep. I won't leave you alone one single moment." Ichigo's eyes fluttered close and panic surged through Byakuya leaving him breathless. "Please," he choked, "don't leave me."

In answer, Ichigo opened his eyes instantly and smiled crookedly at him.

"Relax, old man, I won't leave you alone." His face was still contorted in pain. "It… hurts… I don't think… I will be able to walk back home."

"I will carry you. I will carry you until the end of the world."

They stayed in silence for a few more moments before the frail body settled at last and Byakuya took him in his arms gently trying to cause as little pain as possible. He flash stepped to his mansion where as soon as he arrived, he asked for his sister and Orihime to be brought to Ichigo's room.

"Nii-sama, what happened?" Rukia burst into the room followed closely by Orihime who gasped in horror seeing Ichigo's bloodied form.

"Another attack, this time more powerful." Byakuya answered as Orihime already approached the prone figure on the bed.

"Hey, Inoue, I guess you didn't picture seeing each other like this again." Ichigo mumbled while the young girl's eyes were already moist with tears.

"You never take care of yourself, Kurosaki-san."

"I do try."

"Not hard enough apparently."

The orange light enwrapped him almost instantly and Ichigo sighed in relief. Nevertheless, it became obvious really soon that while Orihime's powers were functioning well, they had little effect on Ichigo. It healed the wounds only partially, relieving the pain but the wounds had to be treated by captain Unohana as well.

"I don't understand," Orihime whined distressed, clenching and unclenching her hands, "how is it possible for old wounds to appear? It never happened before."

"We don't know, Orihime, we don't have much knowledge at the moment either." Rukia replied gently while captain Unohana looked grim.

"Captain Kuchiki, I must go and report this disturbing new finding to head captain as soon as possible. At this rate, we need to find a solution as soon as possible."

"Of course, captain Unohana."

"Come on, Orihime, let's get you settled into a room. I am afraid that we might need your powers again really soon."

The human girl followed Rukia but not before throwing another glance at Ichigo's body. Her friend looked tired beyond comprehension. His features were sunken and dark shadows marred his beautiful warm eyes and Orihime felt a pang again, that jealous feeling staining her emotions. Because she had seen the way the head of the Kuchiki family was looking at Ichigo. It was as if her unrequited love was nothing compared to what they felt. It was as if Ichigo had hung the moon and the sun for the captain of the sixth division, and the look was reciprocated.

She sighed before leaving the room. She had known from the very beginning when she started this adventure that her unrequited love would always remain like this.

"Stop worrying." Ichigo said as soon as they were left alone.

"Stop telling me not to worry when your blood is still staining my hands." Byakuya growled angrily. "I don't know why this is happening or if there is someone at fault, but I will make sure that it will stop."

"I know." Ichigo swallowed hard and Byakuya held his head gently as he helped him take a few sips of water. "But, Byakuya, what if you won't be able to save me? What if this can't be cured?"

"Don't talk like that."

"I think we might have to take this as a possibility."

"No!" Byakuya replied back fiercely. "I have already watched a person that I loved die in my arms. I won't do this again. I will heal you. I will find a way."

"Byakuya…"

"You won't give up either." Byakuya's obsidian eyes stared deep into Ichigo's chocolate ones.

"I won't." Ichigo promised because at the moment promises were all that he had been left with. Byakuya sighed again and settled next to him, taking him into his arms mindful of the wounds. Maybe there were more wounds prepared to appear and he wondered whether this was some sort of punishment for more sins that he knew nothing of. But as he lay in Byakuya's arms, he felt protected and safe and even the pain seemed to ebb away and maybe that was enough. He fell asleep to his beloved's breathing.

_Wake up. Wake up._

Byakuya's eyes snapped open, his body tensing.

_Don't wake Ichigo_. The voice said wistfulness drenching the words. _Come to the garden._

"Why would I follow you?" Byakuya whispered harshly into the darkness of the room, recognizing instantly the voice that had guided him into darkness until he reached Ichigo. It was the same voice that had failed to explain anything to the young shinigami.

_You want to save Ichigo, don't you? And I know a method how. Besides, I guided you to him before. Come to the garden now. _

It sounded too much like an order and Byakuya didn't comply well when this order was coming from a disembodied body, but there were too much at stake and they were out of their depth.

Carefully he disentangled himself from the younger body and although Ichigo whimpered in protest, he didn't wake up. The noble man exited the room, not before taking Senbonzakura with him, and hurried towards the garden, far enough from the garden so he wouldn't be heard by anyone else.

"Very well, I am here. What do you know?"

_About Ichigo's wounds?_ Pain lashed in that voice and Byakuya wondered again what was going on between that voice and Ichigo. _They are actually a physical manifestation of what is happening to his soul._

"Excuse me? What about Ichigo's soul?"

_Ichigo's soul is in danger and if you won't be able to save, then I am afraid it will be obliterated._

* * *

><p><em>AN: As always I apologize for any mistakes left. Also I am filled with so much gratitude towards all of you who still read and support my stories with their kind words and constructive criticism. Thank you. I hope I am doing at least something right._


	18. Redemption

**Disclaimer**: Pointless to say that I am not Tite Kubo and therefore, I don't own _Bleach_, he does. I honestly don't imagine him writing fanfiction about his characters.

Eighteen

**Redemption**

Carefully he disentangled himself from the younger body and although Ichigo whimpered in protest, he didn't wake up. The noble man exited the room, not before taking Senbonzakura with him, and hurried towards the garden, far enough from the garden so he wouldn't be heard by anyone else.

"Very well, I am here. What do you know?"

_About Ichigo's wounds?_ Pain lashed in that voice and Byakuya wondered again what was going on between that voice and Ichigo. _They are actually a physical manifestation of what is happening to his soul._

"Excuse me? What about Ichigo's soul?"

_Ichigo's soul is in danger and if you won't be able to save, then I am afraid it will be obliterated. _

The world stood still.

Byakuya had never experienced this sensation of everything coming to a halt, like life had been sucked out of everything, the world lying in ruins. The garden was suddenly empty of any sign of life, silence smothering him, making him choke on desolation. He inhaled sharply and almost wished he would be back in the bedroom with Ichigo, although their relationship was still blossoming. Much like before, a sudden thought hit him with the weight of a inflexible brick wall: he might not have this after all. Ichigo might not be his at the end of all things and their relationship might die before it even began.

"What do you mean his soul might be obliterated?"

_When I saved Ichigo, he didn't really want to be saved_. The voice was hoarse and tinged with something, which resounded too close to despair for Byakuya's liking. _He just wanted to rest, and for him that meant to finally die. I cured his wounds through a painful process for both of us. But at the end of it, I didn't cure his soul._

"I do not comprehend. Is there such a thing as healing one's soul?"

_Yes, for the soul lives in symbiosis with our bodies in this world. Remember that Ichigo was a shinigami at the time of the disappearance, which means that his soul was powerful enough to support all the acquired power. And powerful enough to believe in its obliteration._

"Ichigo's nature is indeed mysterious, the way he manages to combine both the power of his hallow and that of a shinigami. But to believe in its obliteration? This is something I have my doubts to believe in."

_Then do you have a better explanation as to why the old wounds appear again on his body?_ The voice harshly remarked. _I wish to hear those explanations myself. Your sister might actually agree with me because she has been the first to observe that Ichigo was not the same after his battle with Ulquiora. _

"Rukia?"

_Yes, she had been the only one to see the truth to which all of you were blind. And I do not want to argue with you about this now for my utter focus is on Ichigo. He is precious to me and I want to save him. Do you want to save him or all your love words are empty?_

"Do not talk to me in this tone and manner for I am not Ichigo." Byakuya snapped back. "And of course I want to save him. It is my only purpose. If you found a way, tell me and I will do it."

_This course of action is perilous but it is the only way to do it. You have to link your soul to that of Ichigo and go into his inner world in order to find each piece of Ichigo's soul. _

"How can I do so?"

_I know the spell to bind you. But be aware, Byakuya Kuchiki: his soul may oppose you, it might fight you or even worse try to kill you. However, if you do not mend his soul, we will lose Ichigo to his wounds for there are many already._

"I will do it. Just give me the spell."

A sudden breeze penetrated the darkness that had surrounded him at the beginning of the conversation. It was like a gentle caress and Byakuya shivered under the weight of it.

_You need to have a strong soul and concentrate your reiatsu completely over the bond. The sheer pressure of it will make things difficult but I am sure you will succeed._ The voice turned gentle. _You have love on your side, Kuchiki, and no matter how strange it might sound, your love for him shines brightly in the grey of your soul. You will save him because he is your life. You will save him for if he dies, there is no justice in this world._

Byakuya did not answer and the voice proceeded to tell him the spell. He paid attention and learned it quickly since it resembled a lot to a Kido spell and then the presence disappeared leaving him alone in the garden. The Kuchiki heir went back to the room where Ichigo snuffled in his sleep and caressed those beautiful orange locks, kissing them gently. He had not been able to save Hisana as he had lacked the power. But this time he was going to save the one he loved for he knew there would be no life without Ichigo. There would be only grief and emptiness.

When the first rays of sun entered the room, they found the two men tangled in a mess of limbs, a close embrace that brought them together into one being. The warmth of Byakuya's body made Ichigo feel protected against all odds. He opened his eyes slowly and gazed at the man that most of Soul Society feared. Built like brick house, there was a quiet elegance to him that no other man possessed. He had found himself many times dreaming about these strong arms keeping him safe, and now that he was finally being able to feel it, he did not want to let go.

But he did not find himself inclined to fight against it either.

He looked up at the ceiling. His body felt sore, each muscle too present in his awareness. Had he been blind at all this pain before? He did not remember feeling so much pain before in is battles, but he presumed that the adrenaline fought against him feeling everything. The only real pain had been in his fight with Ulquiora and then when he was healed by the voice.

A tender kiss upon his cheek made him shake the dark thoughts and look back to Byakuya who was smiling gently at him. Raven hair was spilling everywhere around and his obsidian eyes were kinder than ever.

"I don't know whether men would say this to each other," Ichigo's rough voice was full of emotion and he blushed, "but you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen."

Byakuya smiled softly and caressed Ichigo's face gently.

"Look who's talking." Byakuya pushed further until there was literally no space between the two of them. "This orange hair of yours that shines brightly in the sun, a natural halo. Your wonderful eyes." Light fingers caress the eyelids. "Your lips begging to be kissed." Byakuya's lips touched his feather light before deepening the kiss, morning breath be damned. And Ichigo lost himself into the kiss because a new wonder was born inside his very heart growing strong roots: he could have this. There was no sadness anymore. He could kiss Byakuya, caress his shoulder blades the way he was doing now, and lose himself in the sensation of being devoured, of belonging.

They made out for what felt like hours, their bodies moving sinuously against each other, without any urgency, just the strong feeling of being so close. And when they stopped at last, their lips tingling still, they smiled at each other full of unspoken plans and yet to be confessed love.

"I have spoken with the voice last night." Byakuya muttered tenderly, like a best kept secret between the two of them.

"What did he say?"

"He gave me a solution for healing your wounds. I will speak with the supreme commander today to give me a couple of free days so that we can put his ideas to the test."

"Is it dangerous? Did he say what caused this?"

"No," Byakuya hesitated. "He didn't say what caused it, only how I can try and heal you."

"Will it be dangerous?"

"No, I will make sure of it."

Byakuya kissed Ichigo again without any intent of telling him the truth and Ichigo let him none the wiser.

He felt better that morning, and after another session with Orihime, his wounds had stopped bleeding completely, only their ugly scars remaining as a reminder that his torment was far from being over. And after Byakuya left to meet with Captain Yamamoto, he managed to get away from the mansion with little fuss for he wanted to talk to someone that all the others would disapprove.

The prison looked as bleak as ever with its black walls and even darker air around it but he was taken almost immediately to Aizen's prison cell without any questions asked.

Ichigo took a deep breath to steady himself before entering the room. It was dark as usual and the symbols seemed embedded into the walls like thick vines spreading their bond blood through the entire building. Even Aizen gave the impression that he was paler than usual but then again, everything seemed colourless lately. He deflected that train of thoughts because nowhere good would take him.

"I never expected a visit so soon." Aizen said in a soft voice unlike the other times and although there was still that arrogance floating around him, today he seemed weaker. More human.

"What can I say? I missed your ugly mug." Ichigo replied grinning like a lunatic and almost instantly the air in the room changed charging with something unknown to Ichigo but which made him uncomfortable. Aizen's face had changed in a matter of seconds. His eyes narrowed in shrewd coldness and he tried not to shiver as those eyes lingered on his form as if icy tendrils of reiatsu were trying to reach him.

"What happened? Did you get into another fight? You are wounded." Aizen finally whispered as if not to break the tension between them and wasn't that weird? An ultimate enemy being worried for the health of the other enemy, pretending that he actually cared?

"Ok, ok, I admit, I am stuck in a kind of a sticky situation." Ichigo tried not to grimace too much when suddenly a black chair appeared in the room. Apparently, everyone in Soul Society had found out about his predicament. He sighed and took a seat because this conversation was going to require quite a lot of his energy and he was unwilling to waste too much of it.

"Define sticky."

"Sticky as the type of situation where my life is on the brink of disappearing again," Ichigo smiled ruefully, "and while I understand that as old enemies, you would be glad to hear about my demise, I wouldn't mind if you told me if you knew anything about this."

"What are you talking about?" His former enemy's face had changed into a sickening shade of pale and it made Ichigo feel bad. However, instinct was telling him that this was a conversation that he needed to have with Aizen, shadows and blood be damned.

"I shouldn't be saying this. At the end of the day, you wanted me dead just like all my other enemies, but something tells me that I need to speak with you about this and my instinct has never got me wrong before." Ichigo passed his fingers through his orange spikes messing it even more. "For the past couple of weeks, old wounds have appeared on my body."

The prisoner looked uncomprehending at him.

"When you mean old wounds, you mean?"

"You know, the heavy type of wounds that would bleed although they looked a century old. Bruises too, sometimes scars that had been cured by Urahara's springs. But these wounds...they look like they are going to be the end of me. Inoue-san tried to heal them for me but she can just alleviate the pain and stop the bleeding. But that is it. Unohana-san is pretty powerless too."

Aizen took a quick sharp breath and Ichigo avoided looking at him. He tried to think at Byakuya's kisses or something else just as ridiculous but it was impossible. Because he has seen many of Aizen's faces. The ones he made when he was sure of victory, drunk with power and shed blood. The ones he used to cheat on his friends, making them believe in a shinigami and a captain that had never existed. The ones where his anger would sip through the cracks of his perfected mask and would drown everything in their retaliation. The ones when he looked at Ichigo with disdain, curiosity or pure enmity but always _always_ with awe. But he had never seen that look he made when Ichigo had told him about the wounds, the way his brown eyes had softened and had looked pained. As if something precious had been taken away from him.

Had Ichigo been told a long time ago that one day the mighty Sousuke Aizen would look at him like that, he would have howled and probably drop dead from too much laughter. But life has never been kind to Ichigo and he should have expected this. This former enemy, this great threat had showed more understanding of his nature than his friends have ever done and now this man, who had wanted Ichigo dead so many times, looked as pained as all of his friends and family.

And this was something that Ichigo was incapable of facing. After all, Ichigo had never been good at admitting how important he had become for the other people.

"It is impossible." The prisoner decisively concluded, the sudden flatness of his voice making Ichigo actually feel a little better.

"Well, my left shoulder still feels the brunt of it so I would say it is quite very possible."

"Stop joking about it, you child. This is no matter of laughing."

"I don't know what you would want me to do."

"Finding a solution would probably be a very good beginning. What is Kuchiki doing?"

"Trying to find a solution but I am not sure if he is going to find the right one."

"It is as if you almost hope he would find one." Those words settled deep within Ichigo's belly and his cracked face showed the deep wounds that had never healed inside of him. "You really don't want to be saved." The older man muttered distressed, making the young shinigami snorting in response.

"What is to save? I am bloody and damn broken, I have saved and protected the ones I loved, and I have done everything I was supposed to do." Ichigo stood up and paced around the suffocating room. "I am tired, Aizen. I am so tired it's not even funny. I don't think it ever was. I am a monster that should have never been brought back to life."

"Stop saying that!" Aizen's anger flashed across his face and settled deep in his belly. "You can't say that. You are not allowed to say that."

"What? I thought that you of all people would understand."

"What is to understand? You don't want to be saved because of the misconception that you don't deserve to be saved. Isn't it so? Well, let me just tell you what an idiotic thing to be believe this is."

"Hey, you don't get to pull this crap over me. You of all people should know that. I am not fucking letting you tearing me a new one when it was precisely you who drove me down on this road."

"Stop blaming me for every stupid decision that you made along the way, Ichigo Kurosaki, and start taking some of that responsibility on your shoulders as well." Aizen's voice raised in fury, his lips narrowed in a thin line. "You wanted power, you _craved_ it. You forget that you are talking to the other side of the same coin. I know you from the moment you were just a concept and I have watched you grow and crave power to help people, to protect them, to save them if needed be saved. And now that you have this power, you are afraid of it, you despise it, you don't want it anymore."

"I never wanted to be a monster!" Ichigo yelled in anger.

"Well, too bad, because you are one so get over it!" Aizen yelled back. "With power come sacrifices. I have killed, threatened and betrayed a lot of people for it. You had confronted your dual nature and you had come to realize that not everything is roses, puppies and kittens. Well, too bad, kid, you have a hallow inside of you, you have a zanpaktou and yes, you have a rampaging monster when everything gets a little too much for you to carry. So what? Don't we all have our dark side? Embrace it and move on."

"You fucking move on."

"Very mature, Kurosaki, I applaud you for your rhetoric." Aizen replied snidely. "So what then? This is your damn bright solution? Blaming me for everything bad in your life, every small decision that you'd taken and then just wait to die? Is that it? Because seriously, kid, if this is the best you can come up with, then you should have let me won the war. At least, I wouldn't have been trapped now and forced to listen to all this whining."

Before they both were even remotely aware of it, Ichigo had snapped into action, his hands slamming Aizen's shrouded shoulders into his prison throne. The warmth of his body was gently sipping through the black shroud as if even a selfless prison, a lifeless thing couldn't stand against the hurricane that Ichigo Kurosaki was. A wild scent of something completely Ichigo made the trapped shinigami almost dizzy with want, but the sweet smell of blood tainted everything and he let himself take a shaky breath before looking back into Ichigo's eyes.

"I would rather die a thousand times over than let you win the war." His usually warm brown eyes were now dark with anger. "Although I come here, although we talk civilized, I haven't forgotten your sins, Sousuke Aizen, and you shouldn't forget that you are exactly where you deserve to be."

"I am well aware of my situation, Kurosaki, there is no need for you to remind me that." He looked straight back. "But are you?"

They looked at each other just like they did back then, when Ichigo was more than a shinigami, when Aizen was more than a traitor and when they were pure enemies. There were no shades of grey back then, there were no hesitations and there was no mercy between them. Ichigo stared back at Aizen for another few moments before he finally let him go.

"So I gather that you don't know anything about my wounds." He maintained his voice calm.

"No, I have never heard of old wounds returning either."

"Would you tell me if you would?"

"Yes."

The sincerity in that voice surprised Ichigo and the young man smiled contritely before opening the door.

"Ichigo?"

"Yes?" The young shinigami looked back and he was shocked to see gentleness in the eyes of the person he once considered his greatest enemy.

"You deserve to be saved. You are the only person who doesn't believe it."

Ichigo stood still for what felt like ages before nodding once and looking as the black shroud was covering Aizen's face again, but he could still feel the burn of his unapologetic eyes through it.

He took the long way home for he needed time to process what has been going on between the two of them. The words still echoed in his mind and soul and it was something that Byakuya had repeated ad nauseam. And yet he refused to believe it. Why was that?

He might have dwelt on it much more had he not arrived home to a very strange sight. In the living room, two futons were placed one next to the other and some people were waiting for him. Byakuya, Rukia and Orihime were drinking tea while Renji, Unohana-san and Ukitake-san were making small talk. But nothing surprised him more than his father's presence.

"Ichigo, my beautiful son!" The man wailed and enwrapped Ichigo into one of his bear hugs.

"Old man, what are you doing here?" The young man said confused even though he accepted his father's hug with happiness.

"Byakuya has told me about your predicament and I have come to help." His father replied in all seriousness.

"I thought the spell was not dangerous." He looked at Byakuya who stared back calmly.

"Every soul binding spell has its dangers, Kurosaki-san." Unohana replied gently in her teacher's voice. "But such a Kido master like Byakuya should not have problems performing it."

"Really? Then why are you all here?"

"For the spell to work, we need to keep your body safe. Therefore we need to healers. Then we need a blood relative and close friends. Strong spiritual energies are needed for the spell."

"You said that it is safe," Ichigo looked accusingly at Byakuya.

"And I did not lie." The Kuchiki heir stood up. "It will be safe. The spell merely binds my soul to yours while we try to heal it."

_You deserve to be saved. You are the only person who doesn't believe it._

Ichigo smiled sadly at Byakuya.

"Do you think it will work?"

"I will make it work." Byakuya replied with all the strength he had and there was no other choice for Ichigo except to believe him.

"All right. I believe in you. What do I have to do?"

As instructed, Ichigo lay on the futon next to Byakuya and they held hands, unspoken promises floating around them. And if his father noticed it, he didn't say anything. But then again, Isshin had always been accepting of his son and he had known for a very long time about his feelings. Ichigo was put to sleep almost instantly by Unohana so that they have time to speak with Byakuya.

"Now remember, Kuchiki-san, that everything you do in Ichigo's inner world will affect in reality as well." Unohana-san warned him. "I don't know how you will travel into it but you need to keep safe for if you die there, then you will die here too."

"I know, Unohana-san."

"Be safe, boy," Isshin said in a rough voice, a bit overwhelmed with emotions. "And bring my son whole again."

"I will, sir."

"Nii-sama."

"Rukia, if anything happens to me, you know what to do."

His sister looked distressed at him.

"Please, nii-sama."

"Relax, I do not plan to fail. Ichigo depends on me and I have failed him too many times by now. This time I will do it right."

They all nodded and wished him a safe return before they let the spell take a hold on him.

At the beginning, Byakuya could not feel or see anything. It was an immense ocean of darkness smothering each sensation that one could feel. Time and space were suspended within this place. But then gradually the darkness began to dissipate and finally emerged on the bank of a river. Its insurgent waters crashed violently against its banks, as if dark secrets were being hidden deep within its waters.

On each side there was a forest of the deepest green, an impenetrable wall of trees and the vegetation, with little space to move. But it was the rain with drops sharp like needles that made him begin to walk for there was nowhere else to go but ahead. Byakuya was confused for he knew that Ichigo's inner world was that of a city made of steel and glass and this was something completely unexpected.

After an hour's walk through the drenching rain, Byakuya was starting to doubt that the spell worked when suddenly a shock of bright orange appeared within a ten paces distance. A child no more than nine, was sitting on the bank, looking sadly at the dark waters, his knees to his chest looking like the most vulnerable thing in the world.

And something stirred within his very soul when he whispered _Ichigo_.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Thank you so much for your encouraging words and for still reading this story. I apologize for any mistake left and for being m.i.a for so long._


	19. Rain

**Disclaimer**: Tite Kubo owns _Bleach_ and everything related to it. I own nothing except this story and plot. Maybe one day he might borrow my lines and make these two be together. Until then, let's read some fanfiction.

Nineteen

**Rain**

He was afraid to approach the child without any warning so he looked around to grasp any details that might help him into point where he might be. Although the landscape was wildly breathtaking the forest was like an impenetrable wall of greenery, almost black, nuances of rain washing the greenish leaves and each drop painted the landscape with a new shade of desolation. The rain was melting away the tranquillity of it, drowning in sorrow everything and the dark banks of the river were tall pointy cliffs making the wind ravage the green walls repeatedly.

The rain almost tasted like pain. Its bitterness was what made Byakuya finally take a step towards the small form of the young child. The small form seemed bruised by the rain and battered by the wind and yet remained indifferent to both. He was dressed in a thin white t-shirt and some blue shorts and he looked like his entire world was drowning and he was happy about it. He was looking in the distance and the emerald walls seemed to reach for him.

The child was oblivious to his presence, however the hurting was palpable through the entire landscape, its very essence poisoned with it.

"Ichigo." This time his voice echoed harder, somehow rougher in the rainy landscape and the kid raised his eyes to meet Byakuya's. The shape brown, was lifeless, blankly staring at the tall figure clad in black like a raven announcing death.

"Have you come for me?" The child muttered, afraid to raise his voice too high. "Have you come to take me to my mummy?"

"May I sit next to you?" Byakuya avoided the answer and when the child nodded silently, he came closer and gently sat next to the small figure. "Why do you think I have come for you?"

"Because I have been a bad boy and I killed mum." Ichigo sighed and it was gut-wrenching to see such old pain written on the prone figure of a nine-year old, ancient battle wounds showing already.

"Ichigo, listen to me: you didn't kill your mother. Someone else did, someone really bad who wanted to hurt you and your mother just protected you."

"Yeah, daddy says the same, but I don't believe it." The earnest eyes returned to Byakuya's drenched figure. "Daddy wasn't there and you weren't either. It was my fault. I should have listened to mum, but I didn't and it got her killed. I am guilty. I want you to take me to mum."

"Ichigo, listen to me-"

"No, no more listening, no more talking." The anger exploded suddenly like a gun shot in the dark and the scenery was suddenly turning even more oppressive than before. "You are the Angel of Death. You can bring me to my mummy so I can ask for her forgiveness. Do your job, old man."

"It is true that while I am the angel of death, I can't bring you to your mum."

"Why not?" And Ichigo would be rather adorable, if it weren't for the pain in his eyes, the balled fists, the emptiness of the warmth he usually exuded. He raised up and Byakuya followed his movements, his prone figure almost dwarfing that of the child.. "Why not? Why not?" It was repeated with a kind of despair that one would see only in the ones that had seen too many battles, too many wounds and suffering, too much bad and too little good.

"Because it is neither my duty, nor in my powers to bring you to the dead world."

"Then you aren't much good to me, are you, angel?" Ichigo's voice was empty, a sleet page of barren emotions drowned into the deluge. The wind's power turned sharper and Byakuya could almost taste its bitterness and malice.

"Ichigo, you have to think about your mother." He eventually spoke through the fiery breath of the wind. It ground at his bones, the pressure purposely harming.

"Are you stupid? The same belligerent stance kept the small child from looking ridiculous. The heartache was ever so present in the way his small body looked slouched, carrying the burdens of the world on his shoulders. "I do this every day. Every day I pray for mum and every day I think about her. You aren't a very good angel, are you?"

"Your mother wouldn't want you to feel guilty. She sacrificed her life for your own and while this is an immense burden for your tiny shoulders, you don't belittle her sacrifice by feeling sorry for yourself or worse, by thinking that you are guilty for it."

"You and daddy are wrong." Tears pooled into his eyes, glistening like unpolished diamonds, breaking Byakuya's heart a little more. "There was so much blood there and I touched mum and she wasn't moving." His little hand sheltered his heart. "I couldn't do anything and she told me not to let go of her hand." The little child broke into tears. "I let go of her hand." The sobs wreak his small body with such a power that it left him breathless. "I let go of her hand and I could never take that hand again. I tried but she wouldn't take my hand again, she wouldn't move." His small hands tried to wipe the tears, scrunching his nose in pain.

"Then take my hand." The angel of death said in the kindest of voice, its softness purging the sharpness of the wind. His large hand, calloused from holding the zanpaktou in thousands of battles, in thousands of blood seas. Safe. The child looked surprised at him, still sobbing tearless, every now and then a sigh breaking apart the rest of his heartache.

"What?"

"Take my hand, Ichigo. I promise I will always support you and be there for you." The words rang true in the dark world, encompassing more than just a simple promise. "I will help you with your guilt, though you shouldn't diminish your mother's sacrifice. She loved you dearly and she died protecting you. And maybe you let go of her hand, but I believe that she hasn't let go. That she still holds your hand and she will continue to do so till the end of time, because a mother's love doesn't end. It is boundless and limitless." He caressed the small head, smiling softly at him. "But if you don't mind, give me your left hand and I will promise I won't let go. And I and your mum will be there for you forever."

"Like imaginary friends, only real?"

"Yes, just like that."

Tiny fingers wrapped around his larger hand, the hesitation clear in each painful second it took the child to come even closer to Byakuya and hold it. Soon his tiny hand drowned into the large one and Ichigo looked at it with something akin to wonder. He took another few steps and then raised his warm chocolate eyes to Byakuya with such a searing look that the shinigami felt as if his soul was being read.

"Promise to be with me forever?" He asked in a hesitant voice, and the rain stopped and the wind slowed down to a gentle breeze. The green of the woods was turning lush, the water of the river a clear mirror of a sunny day.

"Promise."

Ichigo let go of another small sigh before he finally allowed Byakuya to hold him tenderly in his arms. His small head leaned on Byakuya's shoulder and the captain couldn't help but think that he was holding in his arms the treasure of his entire life, the essence by which he would guide the rest of it. Tiny hands grabbed fistfuls of black material.

"Don't forget, you promised." The childish voice reminded him softly, but Byakuya wasn't about to forget. He closed his eyes and hugged the child letting the new warmth spread around his tired bones.

"And I intend to keep it."

"Good. Can you speak with daddy as well? And Yuzu and Karin?"

"Yes, I promise I will."

"And you always keep your promises right?"

"Yes."

"Thank you." The gentle words came accompanied by a soft kiss on his cheek and a bright blue light that stole the loving burden from his arms and when Byakuya opened his eyes, he was in another place this one very different than the one before.

He was on a back alley in Karakura city, its dingy buildings that guarded it, washed with rain. A foul smell clung at his clothes, a most putrid essence that had nothing to o with the garbage that was laying around. Byakuya walked forward, towards the darkness which encompassed the opposite end of the alley. Even the light was reluctant to step between those walls, too afraid of what it might discover. There were some things better left into the dark material of a secret than rehashed into the light and there was no other in the world who would understand this better than Byakuya.

His steps echoed hollowly in that rotten corridor. As he advanced, the foul smell was tainted with new fragrances. There was blood floating in the air. The old warrior in him recognized it in a moment for the memory of it had been engraved into his soul a long time ago.

"Did you come to finish the job?" A wheezing voice swam towards him from the bowels of that semi-darkness, and Byakuya's eyes fell on Ichigo's beaten-up figure. The bruises and cuts were proof enough of what had happened earlier in that alley. He was sitting down, his legs sprawled carelessly while his battered back leaned on the wall. An abandoned puppy was carefully sleeping on one of his legs, snuffling every now and then. An ugly gash was marring his beautiful cheek, and his eyes were purpling already.

"Who did this to you?" Byakuya growled as he knelt in front of the young man careful not to touch him. Ichigo seemed to be no more than seventeen, his fragile bones still in the process of growing, an awkward mess of blood and torn skin.

"Like you don't know." The teen whispered suspiciously, his good hand resting on the puppy. "Look, if you came to finish me off, then can you at least not hurt the puppy? Seriously, what is it with you thugs, always going for the weaker?"

"I don't plan on hurting you. Or the puppy." Byakuya amended. "I discovered you by chance."

"Seriously, dude?" Ichigo took a shaky breath. "You really think that I would fall for that? Like people have nothing better to do than take a walk around the back alleys of Karakura town. Yeah, they are such a sight to behold."

"I smelled the blood. I knew there would be someone needing my help." The captain admitted, knowing there was no point in lying to Ichigo. The young man had too much of a fighting spirit in him to be lead on. As a proof, his beautiful eyes melted a little bit and he wasn't as a guarded as before.

"Were you a soldier?"

"Still am."

"I see now." The teen closed his eyes a bit.

"What are you doing?" Byakuya whispered alarmed, as if afraid that he might spoil whatever was being born between them.

"I am trying not to throw up in front of you. I am really concentrating on that, just so you know." Beads of sweat washed his forehead and the pain that Byakuya felt in that moment could have killed the world a thousand times over. Hesitantly, he reached for Ichigo's shoulder and touched it lightly. The warm brown eyes opened again, a mall rictus of pain painting his face.

"Tell me who did this to you. They won't live to tell the story." The older man rumbled and Ichigo grinned at him.

"Easy tiger, there is no need to kill anyone. There are always going to be stupid people, trying to hurt others. There's no need for murder. I will be back to my old self quicker than you think."

"But why did they do this to you?"

"Because, I wanted to help a litter of puppies to survive another day, because I have orange hair, because I am different, because sometimes I see dead people. Do you need more reasons because I got more? Like I am not enough of a burden to my family, now I have to show up to my dad like this as well."

"You are not a burden." He protested because something told him it was important to mention this.

"Right, you keep telling yourself that, when your son will keep on coming from school with bruises and torn uniform, with notes from teachers saying that he is too wild, too violent, his orange hair should be back to the normal colour."

"I don't think that your father is blaming you for any of this. I am sure that he understands that it is not your fault."

"Really?"

"Really what?"

"Is it really not my fault?" Ichigo smiled painfully at him. "You see, I could ignore them, I could tell them that they are right when they say I am a freak, a disgusting freak at that, but I hate to see the way they grin at me like I am weak and I will bend to their wishes. Screw that. I won't allow them into bullying me. I will fight the goddamn world for this."

"You are not a freak." The firmness of his voice got lost into a fit of coughing of Ichigo's. There was blood everywhere now that Byakuya was out of the shock of seeing him there. It was poolling around in tiny puddles, but there was something serene into the young man's eyes, as if he was already convinced of the truth of the world and he was already found lacking.

"Yeah, right. Have you seen my hair?" Ichigo tugged violently at his orange locks and Byakuya covered it quickly before he injured himself.

"I think it is beautiful." He murmured, his fingers caressing reverently the unusual tinted hair. The softness of it was a pleasant shock for his fingers and Byakuya stroked the young man gently. "You have a unique shade, and they envy you for it. Deep down inside they would die to get your uniqueness."

"Thank you." The young man whispered before Byakuya retreated his hand, clenching and unclenching it, missing Ichigo's warmth like the moon missed its sun. "What's your name, old man?"

"I am not old." He grumbled but Ichigo smiled sarcastically at him.

"You look old to me, a thousand years old."

"All right, don't push it, kid." Byakuya smiled in response to Ichigo's cheeky grin. "My name is Byakuya Kuchiki."

"My name is Ichigo Kurosaki. I would shake your hand but my right is broken and my left is currently engaged." The puppy was licking it to death as if knowing that Ichigo needed all the love in the world.

"It is a pleasure to meet you."

"You make me feel normal." Ichigo admitted begrudgingly. He closed his eyes. "God only knows I needed that."

"You shouldn't be dreaming about being normal, Kurosaki." Byakuya said firmly. "There are so many 'normal' people living their measly routines time and time again. You should be whatever you feel like it. Be unusual. Be the boy with a halo-like hair. Be the boy that saves puppies and kittens and be the boy that speaks with the dead people, helping their souls move on, or simply talk to them. Sometimes souls just don't want to feel lonely."

"Do you feel lonely?" The young man asked in a hushed voice.

"All the time." Byakuya admitted and when he realized what he just said, it kind of broke his heart that he had to admit this to this Ichigo, a memory and a shadow of the real man that he loved, but still a piece as real as any other. "I feel lonely when the walls of my house enclose around me, when memories poison everything and when duty leaves me barren."

"I feel lonely when my dad welcomes me with punches to prepare me for what is yet to come and still doesn't accomplish anything. I feel lonely when I look at ghosts and there is no one who sees them except me. I feel so lonely sometimes."

Byakuya leaned a little more with each word until their foreheads touched a soothing bump. Their breaths mingled silently. His hand cupped the healthy cheek, his thumb slowly caressing it.

"Even if I would live a thousand years more, Ichigo Kurosaki, even if I would live different worlds, and it would be impossible for us to meet, I would still miss every piece of your amazing soul. And if I would meet you, I would still love you with all the power that my barren heart can." Byakuya breathed in. "I would find you and love you till the end of times and beyond."

"You would?"

"I am."

The young man looked shocked at him but then a beautiful smile shattered his hesitancy.

"I know you, don't I?"

"Yes."

"Will I remember you?"

"Always."

"Hey, Byakuya?" Ichigo took his hand into his bloodied one. "Even if you wouldn't mind me, even if your heart would be blocked by a thousand icebergs and the highest of walls, I would still find you and love you." The words were so close to the reality of their situation that Byakuya's voice cracked as he whispered the young man's name and he kissed reverently the bloodied hand.

The blue light engulfed them again and this time his heart broke a little when he didn't have the prostrate figure in his arms and found himself in a barren wasteland. He was tired. This journey through various stages of Ichigo's life were bound to drain him of the little will he had left to carry on.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the mighty Byakuya Kuchiki in flesh and blood."

He turned around at the sharpness of the words, just to see Ichigo clad in black, his zanpaktou a black menace. There was nothing playful or friendly in the ever present scowl. On the contrary, Ichigo appeared to be tensed, as if he was fighting an old enemy.

"What is it, Kurosaki?"

"Well, shouldn't I be the one to ask you this? What are you doing here? It is a little too far from your home, isn't it?" The chains of the zanpaktou clicked threateningly.

"It is true, but I do not understand what is your interest in the matter."

"You don't belong here. This is not your world and I want you out of it now." Ichigo's beautiful face was marred by an ugly sneer and a wave of powerful spiritual energy hit Byakuya before he even had time to think. Abruptly a slash of sword hissed so he flash stepped quickly to the left before he had to avert another blow. Ichigo's strikes were vicious and often unexpected.

_Byakuya, you can't let him continue like this_. The voice's presence almost drowned him in a sudden wave of nausea.

"It is very nice of you to finally show up."

Abruptly, everything froze, including Ichigo who was again trying to attack. His usually warm eyes were tainted with anger and his entire posture screamed thirst for battle and power. Byakuya tried to capture his breath but it was difficult. It was the spell that was taking a toll on him and he knew without the voice even telling him that he couldn't keep doing this for long.

_I don't have enough power to protect him any more, his body has become even frailer than before and Unohana-san has a difficult time trying to keep him alive._

"You son of a bitch!" Byakuya growls. "You promised that you would help me as long as I would take the risk."

_And I am, but I told you my power was fading, I can't keep him alive for much longer._ The voice sounded like it was drowned in tears. _This is the moment, Byakuya, there will be no other chance of saving this beautiful soul. This magnificent human being could be ours forever, all we need to do is open our hearts and let it heal us._

"Heal us? Don't you mean him? And why us? Why are you talking about it like both of us are involved? Believe me intruder, when I tell you that I still don't trust your goals and I am far from believing that you don't want Ichigo for yourself."

_It is true that I have been waiting for a soul like his for a thousand years. Even before developing a conscience in the hands of Kisuke Urahara, even before he brought me back to reality, I was merely asleep and had no spark. My powers were left unused and the hidden desires of the beings that were trapped with me were silent cries in my tormented sleep. _The voice seemed hesitant to continue._ There are certain things in this universe worse than non-existence and that is to know that you are purposeless and barren to the point of infinite damnation. And even when I answered Aizen's dark cries and wishes, even when I bent to his will and let him possess him, I did it because there was no other choice, because it was impossible for me to perish._

"What are you?" Byakuya asked a little terrified inside of his soul to find out the answer to this question.

_But then I suddenly came to life when an incredible energy picked curiously at me, as if I was a little worm under a rock, and that energy was so full of warmth and love and sadness that I could not refuse it when it asked me to go to it. _

The voice continued not minding Byakuya's demands for clarification. The same blue light that travelled with him time and time again suddenly appeared next to Ichigo, like in a shape of a human being but still too bright and indistinct to be one.

_This spiritual energy belonged to a young man that warmed me in a way that could have made the entire universe explode with wonder and shame for not being able to match its beauty._ The light became a bit stronger. _And it let me borrow a bit of its light, it let me slip into his darkest corners and see the beauty and the sadness and the love. So much love, especially for one person. But in order for me to keep him alive and give him my energy, I had to bond with the one person who loved this astonishing young man just as much or perhaps more than he did. _

All of a sudden, the blue light exploded into tiny particles leaving way to an identical copy of the captain of the sixth division, to another Byakuya, dressed in a blue uniform, similar to the one he was wearing. He was identical to his own person, except for its own eyes, the colour of amethyst burning brightly with love towards the still menacing and yet frozen figure of Ichigo. His disturbing gaze then fell on Byakuya.

"Ichigo is mine, but he is yours as well, in a way no one will ever be able to contest. The question is, Byakuya Kuchiki, are your strong enough and do you love enough to save him? _Can_ you save him? And most importantly, can you handle the truth about your own soul?"

"The truth?"

"That you had loved this boy from the moment you settled his eyes on him. That you wanted to ruin him so that no one can have him except you?" His own face sneered back at him. "Do you know why I bonded with him through you? Are you ready to accept the truth?"

* * *

><p><em>AN: This chapter is long overdue, but after nanowrimo and real life, I almost gave up on it. Do I still need to apologize for the delay and the mistakes left? They seem to be inherent to my writing lately. I am really sorry for it. But I promise you I will finish everything. In the mean time I ask for your help: I need to be reminded why I love this pair so much, and I need to give a push to my wayward inspiration. So could you please leave me some prompts with this pair? It can be everything you wanted me to write whether it is a coda to one of my stories or something completely new. You can leave them via messages (or if you can't, via reviews). If you are still out there and haven't stopped believing in my stories, please help. I promise I will honour all the prompts. Thank you so much for your support and for your kind words for my stories. You don't know how much I appreciate them. _


	20. Impunity

**Disclaimer**: Needless to say Tite Kubo owns _Bleach_ and everything related to it. He can own this story as well for all I care as long as he makes these two be together.

Twenty

**Impunity**

All of a sudden, the blue light exploded into tiny particles leaving way to an identical copy of the captain of the sixth division, to another Byakuya, dressed in a blue uniform, similar to the one he was wearing. He was identical to his own person, except for its own eyes, the colour of amethyst burning brightly with love towards the still menacing and yet frozen figure of Ichigo. His disturbing gaze then fell on Byakuya.

"Ichigo is mine, but he is yours as well, in a way no one will ever be able to contest. The question is, Byakuya Kuchiki, are your strong enough and do you love enough to save him? _Can_ you save him? And most importantly, can you handle the truth about your own soul?"

"The truth?"

"That you had loved this boy from the moment you settled his eyes on him. That you wanted to ruin him so that no one can have him except you?" His own face sneered back at him. "Do you know why I bonded with him through you? Are you ready to accept the truth?"

Byakuya looked at his newly born alter ego and thought for a moment that it was strange to see himself like that. For one thing, those amethyst eyes were gentle each time they fell on Ichigo's tensed figure. His whole complexion completely changed from just one glimpse towards the boy. The boy. The man. There was a freedom in that expression that Byakuya had never allowed himself to have before and he envied the voice, Hogyoukou or whatever it was for this.

"What truth are you talking about? I feel like we are going in circles." He answered carefully keeping his voice devoid of any emotion.

"Should we start with the first meeting?" His alter ego spoke carefully, his strange eyes fixing upon Byakuya's face. His fingers trembled reverently when they touched Ichigo's frozen in time cheek.

"Don't touch him!" Byakuya sneered and his own face laughed mockingly back at him.

"Or what? Have you laid claim on him? You think that just because of a few kisses and a few petting sessions you are all of a sudden the master of this exquisite soul? Do you think that just because you suddenly confessed to him and picked up the courage to transform everything that you are allowed to speak about him like that?" The amethyst eyes narrowed down in disapproval. "How long did it take to hide the fact that you cared about this boy more than you would have cared to admit?"

"I do not believe that I have to explain myself to you or to anybody else what I feel or how I behave towards-" That stranger's hand suddenly clutched tightly at his throat pressing down cutting off all the air. His eyes were full of enmity as they looked down at his suffocating form.

"You will have to explain to _me_. You will have to convince _me_ beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love this man, that he is your everything else, because it is within my power to save him or bring him with me forever. I would rather take him with me than let him in the shadows of the likes of you."

"What are you doing?" Dark points clouded his vision as it was getting harder and harder to breathe. He wanted to cast a spell but his spiritual energy seemed reduced to zero and there was no means by which he could make that steely hand dislodging from his throat.

"I am doing what someone should have done a long time ago." His other self pushed him away from Ichigo and let him breathe which Byakuya did, his insides boiling with anger that he was being taught as a child all over again the basic rules of combat like don't approach your enemy if you didn't know his weaker points.

"When you first saw this boy, you wanted to kill him." His other self accused and his words were blown away in the waste land that surrounded them. "You wanted to purge his whole existence from the world and beyond. You were going to let him bleed to death because there was never going to be anyone that touched your heart more than him and you would have rather seen him dead than come back to life again. Suffer the torment of not being loved like it happened with Hisana, suffer your fear that you were never going to be enough for one person. Wow, that Hisana must have done a real number on you."

"This is not about me." The captain replied his harsh eyes pinning down his adversary.

"Well, this is where you are wrong, Byakuya Kuchiki. This is most definitely about you as well." His other self, the form the voice has taken, was looking with disgust at him. "Why Ichigo chose you to give his heart away to you is beyond me. There is nothing left in the obscurity of your soul. Your are an empty shell of a too aged soul."

Byakuya swallowed hard, hearing the echoes of his own being crushed inside. Long ago, he received a similar lesson about emotions but at the time, it was the other way around. At that moment, he had been taught to purge all emotions from his heart, to reign his anger and reserve outbursts for someone else. Later on still, Hisana gave him another hard lesson, her lack of true love for him making him swallow full spoons of love words that were bound to be killed before being set free and let her hear them. If it was something that Byakuya Kuchiki has been taught consistently in his life was that his real emotions never mattered. Especially if they were his.

"It is true."

The other being appeared surprised by the acknowledgement floating in the air.

"What is true?" He was being coaxed into speaking about this but his eyes fell on Ichigo's form and even at a distance, he felt like gravitating around the young man, his entire being attracted o that mass of incredible spiritual energy and feelings and emotions. So many of them they felt like en endless ocean.

"I wanted him dead." He could mutter this, with Ichigo unable to hear him, with this boundless wasteland around them, a desert so much like his soul, and with his harshest enemy looking down upon him. "And I could not have cared less about his spiritual energy and how incredible and complex it was or about how such a silly boy was almost defeating my lieutenant. I wanted him dead because he stirred something inside of me which at the time I thought eradicated from my soul."

"Did you hear that, Ichigo?!" The shadow glanced back at the sudden blinking form of the young shinigami, although the orange brat had eyes just for Byakuya. The older man swallowed hard.

"You wanted me dead." The orange light finally whispered and Byakuya shuddered under the burden of the truth spilling out at last.

"Yes. The street lamps cast a gloomy light over your body but there was still such elegance in your moves, even though you didn't know your zanpaktou very well, even though your power was spilling at the edges as a leaking war machine. You were by far the most beautiful thing that I have seen in my whole existence and I wanted nothing more than to destroy you."

"Why?"

"Because I was convinced that my soul was dead, Ichigo Kurosaki. My soul was dead and I would not admit any attempt to revive it. I made sure that I would not look at Abarai as more than a silly and ridiculous weapon. I made certain that Rukia was cared for but I rejected her very attempts at being true siblings. There are certain people in this universe that wanted to remain dead, Kurosaki, that wanted nothing more than to be cast in the shadow of oblivion, never to emerge again. One of those people was me. And there you were," sudden anger drips with each word, "respecting Abarai although he was your opponent threatening to take Rukia from you, taking care of my sister who would have sacrificed for you in a heartbeat and I hated your very existence within a second from meeting you."

Byakuya stood in front of Ichigo ramrod, ready to bolt and yet feeling that this was the only time that he would be able to admit the truth to himself and to the man that was standing in front of him looking like his whole world was collapsing. His fury became even more fiery.

"What gave you the right to come into my life, defeat me and then insist on treating me on such familiar terms? What gave you the right to insist on protecting everyone and come back to Soul Society time and time again, annoying me, making sure that I was more humane than ever?" Byakuya's knuckles were white due to the sheer force with which he was holding the hilt of the sword. "You with your damn bright orange hair and your eyes and your words, insisting, always insisting."

"Couldn't I ask the same thing?" Ichigo sounded like he drank a shot of broken glass. "Couldn't I ask why did you come after me when everything was said and done? Why did you have to insist of my lodging to be made at your house?" Brown eyes looked shattered. "Why do you insist to see something beautiful inside of me when there isn't?"

Anger turned to outrage. How could such a beautiful soul like Ichigo not see its own light? Forgoing the presence of his alter ego, Byakuya took a few steps until he stood right in front of Ichigo.

"This is what infuriates me the most about you, Kurosaki Ichigo. Your stubbornness into seeing the worst in yourself. Here is what I know about you: you are stubborn and you are brave. You care too much about other people but have no respect for your own being. You love with your whole heart. Your family is crucial and your friends are vital and even the worst scum is worthy of your attention, because you see the best in people. You love me," the lump in his throat barely let him speak, but he was adamant in carrying on, "although I had hurt you time and time again and disregarded your help and your friendship."

He reached with a trembling hand for the young man's cheek.

"But you know what I am absolute sure of, Kurosaki?" Byakuya smiled. "You are not a monster."

"How would you know?" Ichigo brushed away the hand holding him and stepped back, looking sharply at the man he loved. "You really think I am not a monster?" Waives of reiatsu abruptly came into existence surrounding the both of them while the voice was simple watching the display. The young face was covered by a mask the likes of which Byakuya has never seen before. Although he had fought with his hallow form on that cursed hill, he had not been there when Ichigo battled Ulquiora and he couldn't have known Ichigo's eventual form when in complete surrender to his hallow powers.

"Look at me now and tell me that I am no monster." The distorted voice hissed, his zanpaktou ready to strike. He roared a cried of despair. "This is me; this is what I have always been and you dare to stand there with your self-righteousness and tell me all of that? How dare you?"

"You are not a monster." Byakuya said in an authoritative voice.

"Shut up!" The blade fell heavily, with a certain cruelty on his zanpaktou and its power sent Byakuya a couple of inches away. Yellow eyes stared at him in disdain. "Is this monstrous enough for you?"

"Hardly." Byakuya stroke back. "I have fought many monsters and I am afraid you are not one of them, Kurosaki, you are hardly worthy of such a name."

"I will show you monster." Unexpectedly, Ichigo chose to attack with cero born out from the place between his horns. Byakuya barely had time to use a powerful Kido spell to protect himself but even so, the ray burnt his clothes and flesh, a twisted smell lingering in the air.

"Oh, this is becoming very interesting." The voice smiled wickedly.

"You are not a monster." Byakuya asserted again, while trying to catch his breath.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Each onslaught was more powerful than the previous, more cruel and twisted and each time Byakuya managed to protect himself against them, he still suffered, the wounds opening like bloody effigies claiming the body for Ichigo. It was not long before he realized that if he was continuing like this, without attacking back, Ichigo was going to kill him or at least wounding him to the point where there wouldn't be any point of return for the both of them.

The next cero was met with sakura petals. The hallow grinned insanely.

"This is what I am talking about. You finally started to pay attention, Kuchiki."

"Hardly. I merely needed to step back a little just so I can tell you that you should stop acting like a spoilt brat. You are no monster. Get it through your thick skull once and for all."

Ichigo lashed out entirely forgoing the usage of cero, his zanpaktou striking like a viper but met with equal strength and stubbornness by Byakuya. Their fight was vicious and no amount of reiatsu was spared. There was a visceral pain cutting into them even though their swords were crushing against each other with the force of sworn enemies. But there was a certain mastery of the zanpaktou that Ichigo still didn't possessed but which came easy to Byakuya after more than a hundred years of conflicts and training.

His sword pierced almost unwillingly precious flesh and the hallow form of his beloved crashed on his knees in front of the captain. The silence was deafening, enclosing upon them like solid walls of pain and resentment. For one moment, it seemed to Byakuya that he had killed all that was precious to him, but then, the hallow sighed and its mask began to crumble in a deluge of broken pieces, sweat, tears and blood.

The captain removed the sword as gently as he could and then collapsed in front of Ichigo not daring to touch him yet. He looked down at the man he loved who was breathing harshly and his ancient experience on the battle field convinced him that it was not a wound that could have endangered that precious life.

"You are not a monster."

"Don't say that. I just showed you-"

"Another side of you." Byakuya smiled lovingly. "You are not a monster for monsters do not crave anything else except power and blood and see no one else in their hearts except their own person. You are no monster for there is so much love in your wild soul that you could light up the universe for a millennium and it still would last for another one. You are no monster for you never fail to see the good in me, the true monster maybe. You are not a monster, Ichigo, for you would rather damn yourself to an eternity of no identity and ultimate destruction than hurt anyone. These are not the actions of a monster. These are the actions of a man that knows how to love and protect and fight for whatever he holds dear. You are no monster and you will never be."

Unbeknownst to him, tears fell on his cheeks, washing away blood and sweat. Ichigo's back suddenly became wrecked with harsh and loud sobs tearing the last reign that he had upon his emotions. He collapsed on his hands like the broken man that he had become after the war and suddenly screamed. He screamed until he became hoarse and then screamed some more. Primal screams mixed with tears and Byakuya felt his heart break a little more. He gently reached for the wrecked form of his beloved and touched his beautiful orange locks, a halo of greatness.

"Let me hold you. Let me be with you, unworthy as I am. Let me be your anchor and let me be the arms to help you carry the burden of your power. I swear I won't disappoint you. I promise you they are sturdy and carry the whole universe if needed be, but I will never let go of you." Tearful brown eyes looked up at him and Byakuya felt breaking a little more. The sudden lump in his throat choked the last of his words. "I love you. I love you so much and my love for you is true, Ichigo Kurosaki. I see your light and you are no monster."

Ichigo crashed into him with such a strength that only people who believed not to be loved could possess. But Byakuya was ready and caught him as only a man in love could own. He felt Ichigo's tear on his shoulder and tightened his embrace, swearing to keep the promise. And then one small crystal drop followed by another and then another found their peace in the orange ocean of Ichigo's hair. His voice coarse from tears murmured soothing words, one of his hands caressing the bloodied back of the man he loved.

He did not acknowledge the time that had passed as they stood like that, a living statue of love and tears, both of them crying for the old wounds that would car and a new promising future. He only knew that when he looked up, his alter ego smiled kindly at him, glistening tears pouring on his shadowy cheeks.

"Now you understand." He murmured. Endless pain was deeply embedded within those amethyst eyes. "Even if I would live another thousands of years, I would not be able to do what you have done. Your love is pure, Byakuya Kuchiki and I am more than happy to release Ichigo to you." The man smiled woefully. "You don't know how much I wished I could be you. He is healed now and the wounds will disappear. Just as I will. Take care of him. He is precious to me too."

A gentle breeze surrounded them as the alter ego disappeared into a misty veil. He closed his eyes and tugged at Ichigo. He had a few promises to keep and he intended to keep them all.

When Byakuya opened his eyes, loving tearful chocolate eyes were looking back at him and he thought for a moment that he had never opened his eyes to anything more beautiful. He gently cupped Ichigo's smooth cheek and his thumb caressed the precious flesh as the younger man nuzzled it.

"Brother, did it work?" Rukia's concerned words like a cool summer rain and without letting go of Ichigo, he looked back at the people in the room, all of them exhausted.

"Yes, it worked." His voice cracked. "How long were we unconscious?"

"About three hours."

It felt like forever, Byakuya wanted to say but his eyes settled upon Ichigo and all his thoughts disappeared. "I would ask you kindly if you could vacate the room. I have some important matters to discuss with Ichigo."

For one moment everyone seemed ready to protest but Rukia shook her head and everyone left the room quickly kindly wishing all the best of health to Ichigo and asking to be informed when they could visit. Byakuya knew that there were many things to be explained, but at this moment all he cared about was this precious body in his arms.

"I wish I could be as eloquent as you, but I am not good with words, Byakuya, you know that." Ichigo smiled bashfully at him. "But I love you, and you are precious to me too."

"I know." Ichigo kissed his palm and Byakuya drew him closer. "I need to kiss you now."

"I thought you'd never ask."

Byakuya crashed his lips so hard that their teeth clanked against each other. His But his lips turned soothing as he delved into Ichigo's mouth, tasting everything, battling to own this man forever. His palm was open and firm against Ichigo's lower back, bringing that body closer to him so that they were one and the same. The sweetest moans come from Ichigo and Byakuya's last coherent thought was that this was pure heaven, in Ichigo's arms.

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><p><em>AN: Thank you, thank you, thank. Thank you for your kind and more than generous words in reviews and messages, your prompts, your alerts and favourites. Thank you for still believing in my stories. Seriously, thank you. Apologies for any mistake left in this chapter. Not much now from this story. :)_


	21. Kiss

**Disclaimer**: Tite Kubo owns _Bleach_ and anything related to it. A particular scene is inspired by a dialogue between Ichigo and Urahara in episode 310 so spoiler alert for those of you who haven't watched it.

Twenty-One

**Kiss**

Ichigo looked up in the mirror and slowly took off the robe. He gently wiped the steamy mirror and watched with unflinching eyes the ugly lacerations on his shoulder. Their tendrils were swirling towards the middle of his chest in a twisted pattern of their own making as if they had tried to poison his heart and failed to do so and yet had not abandoned their quest. Ichigo smiled ruefully in the mirror, the wet surface reflecting his warm eyes tinted with sadness. He traced them with his finger, as if they had a life of their own and they might swallow him back in their tenebrous world.

It had been week since Byakuya came into his inner world and saved him from the darkness of his soul. A week since it felt like the burden that he had been carrying around was finally dissipating or at least it was shared with someone else. He wasn't marginally cured. It would still take a while to convince himself that after all, he deserved a little happiness in his life. It had been a week since he didn't hear the voice any more and there was an empty space inside of his heart too. It felt ridiculous since he realized that the true bond was between him and Byakuya, but his rescuer had been for him during his darkest times and he hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye.

He turned towards the black tiles of the shower and went back inside the cabin letting warm water caressing his tired body. He was back at the academy, taking extra Kido lessons but his control over his spiritual energy was much better. It was as if making peace with himself was all that was needed and wasn't that ironic?

He sighed and let his hand wander to his scars again. They would never heal. Captain Unohana made sure to tell him from the get go the next day when she had a chance to consult him and make sure his wounds were properly healed. Her hands were a bit shaky as if she wasn't entirely convinced that a miracle had saved his life, but he appreciated her feelings and let it slide. She advised him though to take better care of himself and try to take the scars as the worthy and noble signs of his heroism. It sounded ridiculous at the time and it still sounded even now as he was thinking about it His body had never been without blemishes. He had multiple scars due to the numerous fights while he had been in high school and later on from his battles for the shinigamis. But these lacerations, this twisted melted skin branding him looked really ugly and he really didn't want Byakuya to look at them.

"You are so beautiful." A gravely voice whispered in his ear as strong arms draped around his body with possessiveness. Ichigo gasped as tender lips kissed his nape before moving closer to the contorted skin.

"Don't." He said evenly as the arms tightened around him, a strong body pressing closer to his back, Byakuya's skin a cooler presence and so reassuring.

"You are beautiful." The older man repeated as he gently turned Ichigo around and stopped him from adding anything else by capturing his lips into a bruising kiss. Their tongues fought for dominance as Ichigo's arms came around Byakuya's shoulders losing himself inside the kiss. He kissed the man that he loved with abandon, letting him taste everything, sparing nothing. He wasn't aware of his little moans of pleasure or the way Byakuya kept a bit of distance in between them just in case Ichigo wanted to back off. As if.

Byakuya finally let him go only to guide Ichigo's arms up on the black tiles and make him hold to the head of the shower. Obsidian eyes looked at him with reassurance and love. So much love that Ichigo felt like drowning in it. He had never thought in a million years that all his fantasies related to this man might come true.

"I want you to look at me. I want you to see how much I love your body and how you should never be ashamed of it. I want you to see how much I love you."

Emotions exploded taking with them the last resistance that he might have for this man. His eyes turned liquid and he could even blame the steam from inside. He took in the white skin of the man he loved, his body much more build than his own, elegant, with muscles defined in a way that screamed power. Ichigo sensed that Byakuya's shoulder would probably defend him from an entire nation of hollows if they had to. They seemed large enough to share the burden with Ichigo and he smiled wobbly at this man centuries old with power and duties and honour that had gone to hell and back for him. This masterpiece of lithe muscles was looking at him with all his walls down. He was the only one in the entire universe who was able to experience this Byakuya with his walls completely down, showing Ichigo how much he trusted him, how much he loved and cared for him.

"I love you." He said unwavering and he loved to see the way the other man's eyes widened in surprise and awe, as if he wasn't expecting it. It was the first time Ichigo told him directly without death hanging over themselves like a mouldy blanket. It was the first time when sorrow and pain wasn't tainting anything between them. "I love you." He repeated and tasted the words as if they were the sweetest ambrosia. "I will love you till the end of time and beyond, Byakuya. I want you to know that."

And by the way the older man ravished his mouth in the next moments, Ichigo thought that Byakuya got the gist of it. He didn't forget the words that he spoke when they were trapped in his on inner world and he wanted Byakuya to know that this was it. He wasn't ever going to look for someone else. Byakuya was his own soul mate, if there was such a thing. Or perhaps they were just two broken souls who found each other and would not let go ever again.

Callous hands mapped his creamy muscles and he writhed under the pure pleasure of it. He wasn't aware of how delicious he looked, his beautiful body and hair in stark contrast against the black tiles. Byakuya's lips were marking everything, tasting, nipping, making Ichigo moan and writhe in pleasure time and time again. And he was going to lose it really soon and he could no longer keep his hands away from Byakuya, his deft fingers weaving themselves through soft silky strands of raven hair. He was getting closer and closer and as if Byakuya sensed it, he suddenly kissed Ichigo again on his lips, their bodies so close as if they were trying to hide themselves inside each other's bodies.

Ichigo sensed Byakuya's desire for him against his hip and he adjusted his body so that the older man could have some friction while his deft hand was now taking care of Ichigo. He just needed a couple of more strokes and that was it. He lost himself in the pure pleasure holding tight to Byakuya who soon after climaxed as well. Ichigo hid his face in between Byakuya's shoulder and neck, burning with pure love and embarrassment at his little experience. He briefly wondered if this felt so pure, how was their love making going to be. And though he wanted nothing more than that, Ichigo knew that they would have to wait. He was far from being ready and he still needed to get used to them being intimate. He wanted to learn Byakuya's body first as if it was his own. And then mark and let himself be marked and lose each other in the sensation without fear. And for that he needed to have patience and wait.

Byakuya finally moved and cupped his burning face in his big hands. His gorgeous eyes looked right inside of him, silently asking him if he was all right and Ichigo smiled loving back and nuzzled his palm for there was no other answer.

Byakuya's other hand had slowly drifted to the scars and Ichigo closed his eyes.

"They are ugly."

"They are noble and part of who you are." Byakuya kissed his closed eyes gently and then Ichigo sighed. "I love you." The words made him open in his eyes in an instant. He believed it.

"I love you too." They kissed lazily for another minute or two before they pulled apart.

"Tired?"

"Yes."

"Let's go to bed."

They shared the shower in a comfortable silence, every once in a while Ichigo glancing curiously at Byakuya and his hot body. Seriously, that man was going to be the end of him. After it, they just changed in their sleeping attire and fell asleep in a pile of lazy limbs and loving kisses. They kissed until their lips tingled from being so overused, they kissed until they tasted like each other, they kissed until Ichigo finally feel asleep and let himself be watched by Byakuya long after he was in the dream world.

The next few days passed in a blur of course work and Byakuya and catching up with friends, doing some extra work for the supreme commander as well. But one sunny afternoon, he finally caught some spare time to do what was nagging him at the back of his mind. Byakuya was away for a couple of days in a mission in Hueco Mundo trying to map the area and make it more known so that next time they wouldn't get another ugly surprise. Which was a perfect time to visit Aizen.

The guardians hardly questioned his presence there by now. They took a look at him and just lead him to the dark bowels of the prison where he found Aizen in the same shroud but looking worse for wear. The imprisonment was finally taking a toll on him and the sigils seemed so much more alive with something so restrictive that it almost hurt Ichigo to look at his former enemy. He looked gaunt, his hair in disarray and his eyes seemed to lose focus every now and then. However, when he saw Ichigo it was as if his entire being was responding to his proximity.

"You're all right." He breathed instead of hello and Ichigo smiled ruefully at him, passing his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, what can I say? It takes more than a couple of wounds to kill me." He chuckled, then looked away embarrassed at the fond way in which Aizen was watching him.

"I am guessing Kuchiki saved you."

"You might say that."

"What happened?" The question didn't sound at all as commanding as it might have sounded a couple of months ago and yet Ichigo found himself sitting in Indian style on the floor explaining to Aizen the source of his wounds and what actually happened. His former enemy listened carefully as if he was living vicariously through him and Ichigo let him because it felt strange but he was sure that up to a certain extent, Aizen understood him better than anyone else.

"So you are back to the academy now?" When Ichigo nodded, he continued: "What can those buffoons teach someone like you?"

"I think someone forgets how rubbish I am at Kido." Ichigo scowls. "My spiritual energy is still rampant and it is not like Ii will learn on my own how to master it."

"I would have liked to see that."

"It's okay. I will show you the next time when I manage to control at least part of it."

"I think you should stop coming." Aizen sounded like his old self when he spoke the words, yet there was fear in his eyes when the words floated in between them.

"Excuse me?"

"I think you shouldn't come any more." He sounded completely broken and there was nothing hidden behind the words, which probably shocked Ichigo more than he cared to admit. He stood up and looked at Aizen trying to grasp the meaning behind the words, but there was none. There was no hidden threat or message.

"What?"

The older smiled tiredly. He let his head his head on the back staring at the black ceiling on which a huge golden stars was glowing ominously. He breathed in and then straightened his posture, looking contritely at Ichigo.

"I think you are my worst punishment." He mumbled his gruff voice sounding strange in the room. The young man took a step back at a loss for words, his reactions completely frozen in time. "You are aware of my feelings but you are not of my condition." Aizen stared at the young shinigami. "Central 46 has damned me to an eternity of encasement and final oblivion by keeping me and my powers sealed in a vegetative state. What you don't understand is that once you are gone and leave me here, I do not exist. When this shroud wraps around me, I cease to exist. It is like I am floating in darkness. Most of the times is bearable because I don't seem to feel anything. And yet..."

"And yet?"

"Your memory hunts me even there. Your bright hair shines like a beacon of unwanted feelings and it makes me feel things, want things that will never be mine." Aizen's vice sounded as if he just took a shot of broken glass, and Ichigo flinched at the pain that was almost palpable. "All my life I had a power inside of me that could have never been grasped by any other shinigami and yet I hoped for so many centuries that I would find someone that could be my equal. I hoped that I would find someone that would see the world the same way I did and helped me figure it out to a certain extent. I knew that everyone feared and revered me and yet I wanted a person that when faced with my power, they would laugh at me and perhaps smack me behind my head and tell me to stop being stupid."

"But you never found that person."

"No, and so I lost hope and started to hate this universe that had created me with such an incredible power and yet let me live in this painful solitude where no one would ever penetrate. I started to hate my fellow soldiers and captains for they had something that I would never have. Everybody had someone, everybody except for me. Even the frozen heart of Kuchiki found a companion in his wife first then his sister. Even the mad Kenpachi had a little girl for him. Except me. No one ever looked at me like I was a man."

"Hinamori-san loved you. There were soldiers within your division that loved you, that would have given their life for you."

"But I needed a partner, I needed someone for myself who would made my heart sing. I wanted a person of my own. Mine!" Aizen shouted and the young shinigami flinched again. "I wanted to destroy this stupid implacable universe that would leave me to rot in a personal hell than letting me find an equal. And then I found you."

The brown eyes suddenly glimmed with such a gentle light that Ichigo's heart trembled.

"You know the reason I found the Central's verdict against me so ridiculous? How could they condemn me when you are my equal? They would never reach our level but still they dared to stay there hidden behind those ridiculous titles and judge me, condemning me to an immortality trapped inside a shroud that will ultimately ruin me and erase me from existence. Do you think that just because they sentenced me to twenty thousand years, that I would not die? I have immortality and yet what good is it for if I will live it like this?"

"You say that the imprisonment will kill you and yet there is still hope that you are going to make it."

"I don't want hope!" Aizen yelled again making Ichigo wince. "What good is hope when I am doomed to waste away and when you love another? What good is hope when I finally met my equal and yet again I am cursed to lose him? What good is eternity when you are not in it and you shall never be? Don't you get it, Ichigo? Don't you see? I may live another cycle of the universe and yet because you won't be in it, nothing is worth it. Nothing!"

They stared at each other, all the pain and losses from both parts palpable in the thin air. Ichigo's heart clenched wishing he could do something for the man sitting there in front of him. Maybe in another universe, in another life, they could have been equals and shared the universe in a way only equals can. However, in this life which is the only one he's got, Byakuya is the only one that it is made just for him, the only one that can make things better. And regrets won't help either of them.

"I don't know what to say." He mutters in admition at a loss for words.

"There is nothing for you to say." Aizen closed his eyes for a brief moment and then when he opened them back, his resolve would be read in the dead brown of his eyes. "I want you to leave and never come back. I want you to go and live with your equal and appreciate life and live to the fullest. I want you to believe that you are worth saving, that you are worth all the best in this forsaken universe. I want you to forget about me and let me forget about you."

"Never come back?"

"Never." Aizen smiled sadly at him as Ichigo took a few steps until he was back in front of the man he once made him fear for everything he held dear and sacred. "I believe that if you would come again, I might poison you with my words and my very existence. Please fulfil the wish of a dying man. It is the last thing I will ask from you."

Ichigo looked at his former enemy. Even in his defeated form, even as he was lying there imprisoned forever, he still had something majestic about him. He still looked like the great captain he could have been. And then unexpectedly, he leaned towards him and gently pressed his lips against the older man's. Aizen's eyes widened in shock. The young man continued to apply the sweetest of pressures and Sousuke Aizen, former enemy of Soul Society, the most ruthless captain, closed his eyes and savoured the taste that he would never know intimately, that he would never claim it for his own.

All too soon, Ichigo stopped the kiss and leaned his forehead against Aizen's. He took a deep breath and then whispered brokenly _goodbye_ before kissing him gently on his forehead and turn his back on him. Like promised, he didn't look back a the door opened in front of him, he didn't look back as he took a step outside the room therefore missing the utterly broken look on Aizen's face as the shroud wrapped around him forever.

His hands were shaking as he stepped outside in the afternoon's sun, trying to gulp air as if he was drowning. For a minute, he felt as the universe stretched in front of him as a huge black hole ready to swallow everything and he felt almost an instinctive need to go back and tell Aizen that he refused to let him go. But he instinctively knew that it would have been the cruellest thing to do and so he forced himself to walk away and not to look back.

The dusk found him in the garden tending furiously to the flowers there, ignoring his hammering heart. He didn't understand why it was so difficult to give up on Aizen, but he felt as if he failed an important test, perhaps because his former enemy had been the only person that he didn't save after all. And it was not as if he was in love with the man or something, but to a certain extent Aizen was a perfect example of what Ichigo himself might have ended up being, had it not been for Byakuya and the people that loved him. In the end they had been both so similar in this respect.

Ichigo too found himself with an incomparable power and no one able to defeat him. Even in the worst of circumstances, his hollow came and saved him when he didn't have enough strength. But where Aizen was left completely on his own with no one to balance for that horribly immense power, Ichigo had first his friends that were always ready to bring him from the brink of destruction and then later on Byakuya to save him.

He looked at his muddy hands and scowled. In another universe, perhaps he was the one trapped inside his own mind, unable to fulfil his destiny, damned to an eternity of solitude. Perhaps he was instead of Aizen, cursing the universe or Kami for creating him like he was, giving him power. What good was incommensurable power if you had nothing to fight for? Nothing to use it for? What would Aizen have done, had he gained controlled over Soul Society?

"You were thinking so loud, I could hear you all the way from Hueco Mundo." The gravelly vocie startled him and almost gave himself a whiplash when he turned to see Byakuya tired but there smiling carefully.

"You're here."

"Yes, I managed to return a bit earlier." Byakuya frowned. "What did you do this time?"

Ichigo got up and laughed brokenly but didn't say anything as he just hugged tightly the older man, hanging on him as if on a life line. And to a certain extent, Byakuya _was_ his lifeline. Had it not been for him, he would have damned himself and his soul to an eternity of oblivion.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Byakuya mumbled even as his arms tightened around Ichigo's body and his lips found a smooth patch of skin to mark with a kiss.

"Later." He mumbled suddenly embarrassed by his weakness. "Just hold me now."

It would take another couple of days before Byakuya would find out about Aizen, but by then Ichigo was back to himself. And if his lover held him tighter during the next few nights, and if their love making was particularly passionate neither Ichigo nor Byakuya said anything and let their love shine between each other.

"What do you want for lunch?" Rukia asked him as they were waiting for Byakuya and Renji to come for the headquarters of division six and join them for lunch at the Kuchiki manor. It was becoming quite he tradition when they weren't away for shinigami business or when Ichigo didn't have too much course work. Ichigo sighed happily as he sat in the sun lit room.

"Who cares? I am starving."

"You are always starving." She rolled her eyes at him.

"I am a growing boy." Ichigo grinned maniacally. "And I need all the energy I can get for your brother."

"Eww, I so don't want to hear about that."

"Please, as if I am going to give you any details." It was Ichigo's time to roll his eyes at her. But he didn't say how much pleasure it was giving him to embarrass Rukia every now and then.

"Details about what?" Renji asked as both he and Byakuya entered the room. The older man grunted a _hello_ before pressing a gentle kiss on Ichigo's lips, silky strands of her caressing briefly his face. Ichigo smiled happily at him, as the head of the Kuchiki clan sat next to him.

"You both are just sickening." Rukia said with disgust. "Just sickening."

"Please, Rukia refrain yourself from making your thoughts known or I might revoke Renji's permission to court you."

"You can't do that, nii-sama!" Rukia sputtered as Renji paled and Ichigo couldn't help but smirk.

He smiled as he listened to the siblings contradicting each other and Renji squirming under the new scrutiny. Under the table he reached for Byakuya's hand, arranging their fingers in a gentle loose hold and smiled as a breeze caressed his orange locks.

Their days weren't going to be forever filled with laughter and good humour. He still had his doubts and he wasn't sure he was strong enough to face them, but for once he had someone to share the burden with, someone to love him.

When a gentle breeze caressed his orange locks and Byakuya smiled back at him as if they were alone, Ichigo had the certainty that everything was going to be just fine. And that was anough for him.

_The End_

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><p><em>AN: That's it folks. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for reading it, enjoying it, reviewing it, alerting it. Thank you for encouraging me and being so nice, for your support and for your words. I apologize for any mistake left. Now I am going back to the other story and the ones I still need to write for some of your prompts. Two of them are almost finished... I will miss this story so much. I really loved writing it. _


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